Day - something or other Blog something or other

 Whilst my walking has not returned to its former glory, I am at least managing to get out most days if the weather doesn’t defeat me.  This morning I witnessed the most glorious sunrise. From the merest horizontal light on the horizon I watched as the sun rose from behind the clouds lighting up the shoreline as if it was a diamond necklace. It seem to rise quite quickly and then it seems like the whole world was flooded with sunlight. I took a photograph. But it really doesn’t do it justice.

But it really was most uplifting. I returned home feeling a sense of purpose. Sadly that didn’t last as long into the day as I might have hoped. But it did at least permit me to sort the laundry fairly efficiently!

The news is full of this vaccine and that vaccine. It’s filling people with such hope and such optimism. But it’s scaring me. When vaccines take between 5 and 10 years to get right how can they be rolling these out so quickly? I remain sceptical about being injected with the genetic code of a virus. There is no way that the long-term effects of this have been properly studied. Could we be headed for another thalidomide type crisis? Out of the frying pan into the fire? And what if it renders are immune system capable only of recognising and dealing with coronavirus? What if it reprograms our genetics? Maybe I read way too many conspiracy and thriller books. But let’s not forget the pharmaceutical companies stand to make an absolute fortune out of this. And I don’t know how moral they might be. We live in a world where it’s  profits before people.

According to the BBC News infection rates are still rising. This lockdown is due to end in a couple of weeks. I don’t see how it’s had any effect whatsoever. That seems to be because people really don’t seem to have paid it much heed.Obviously they’ve not been able to go into pubs and bars and restaurants and gyms.but it doesn’t seem to stop them doing anything else. I’ve noticed little difference just looking at the world around me.

Boris Johnson is self isolating because he was pinged by track and trace as he’d been in contact with an MP who has subsequently tested positive for COVID-19. Of course he had the virus some months ago so he reckons he’s full of antibodies and feels fine. But as he says “rules are rules“. There is a nasty suspicious mean-spirited side of me that thinks he’s doing it to try and promote the whole self-isolation thing which again people aren’t following. Or rather I don’t think they fully understand what it means. It’s like social distancing. People just don’t seem to understand what they’re supposed to do.

It’s my friends birthday tomorrow. I won’t be able to actually spend any time with her. But I am going to take some gifts down, just knock on the door and leave them there. It’s tinged with sadness because the funeral of her niece is on Thursday.

Day Whatever - Post Whatever (I’ve lost count, and does it really matter?)

 Well it’s happened. A second lockdown. If Parliament agrees, from Thursday. Except it’s not a proper lockdown. Because schools, colleges and universities will remain open. So parents will be continuing to take the children to school and mixing and mingling and forgetting that social distance might help us all in this bugger's muddle we're living in. And we’ve already seen how it’s spreading amongst students. I’m not meaning to be overly critical. I’m sure I’ve said it before but regardless of any political affiliation any party would struggle to manage this situation, it’s horrendous. Unless of course you live in New Zealand and you have Jacinda Arden as your leader. You’re in with a chance then. But we don’t, we haven’t, and we’re not. It’s a balancing act like no other. The main reason for this lockdown is once again to reduce the pressure on hospitals and the NHS. I wonder if we'll start clapping for them again?

It won’t affect me that much. My sister won’t be able to visit, in fact she hasn’t for weeks now because she’s been in Tier 2, living in London and it’s too cold and frequently wet to be outside. I have occasionally seen my friend. In fact we had an enjoyable hour at a local nursery. It was the furthest I’ve been from my home since February! I had this weird sense that everything must’ve changed in those months. But of course it hasn’t. Looking from the safety of the back seat of a car life seem to be chugging along as it always did. Which is actually quite worrying isn’t it, if you’re in the middle of a pandemic? Where was the social distancing? Where were the facemasks?

The people who are going to comply with the guidance and restrictions are the people who have always complied. The people who won’t comply with the guidance and restrictions are those with never complied. Nothing really changes. Pubs, restaurants, bars, non-essential shops, cinemas, gyms, hairdressers et cetera will close for a month. The people that patronised them will find other means I’m sure. 

It’s continuing to be a very difficult and challenging time. My dear uncle died last week. He was 89 , in a care home with dementia and my cousin advised that he was deteriorating. My other cousin had the unenviable task of travelling from Barnet to Ashford to tell his twin sister the news. Now she is the last of my father's siblings. It's hard. They've been there my whole life and I spent some wonderful holidays staying down in Kent and being with them. My uncle reminded me of my Dad. He was a thoroughly decent man. He never had a bad word to say about anyone. I don't think he was capable of a negative thought. I was very fond of him. And my dear friend lost her niece. The whole family are in shock. She was only 62. Her parents in their 80s and 90's are distraught. Neither of them expected to outlive their daughter.

 I’m still struggling with poor health. After seven telephone consultations I finally had a face-to-face consultation and examination with the doctor. To give her due, she was very thorough. But I’m still no clearer to knowing what’s wrong with me. I’m waiting for one more test to come back to see if that throws any light on it. The tonsillitis was never tonsillitis. I apparently have an ulcer on my tonsil. It should go away on its own. But if it’s still there in six weeks time it may need to be investigated. If I’d had a face-to-face examination right back in August I’d have known exactly where I was and not had to endure antibiotics which obviously weren’t needed. The peeing blood which was a suspected UTI, and for which I took two further courses of antibiotics, doesn't seem to be according to the path lab who have had two samples now.  Obviously I worry that there is something seriously wrong and because of covid it won’t be possible to have the necessary treatment timeously.But I also acknowledge that anxiety is playing a big part.

The summer now seems like some kind of dream. Those early sunkissed walks, picking blackberries, chatting with other walkers. Where  has that gone? I’m struggling with my walking a bit now. I managed to get as far as the Bermuda Triangle today and I’m going to keep on trying. I took a photo of a lone crow which, bleakly, seems to sum up life.