Sunday 31 May 2020

Day Seventy-Seven - Rubbish and Snakes and Shielders

Managed a modicum of sleep and also managed a reasonable walk this morning. However the walk threw up two opposing lockdown, pandemic points of view. Captured by my, not terribly effective, phone camera. Here is the first.


Utterly disgraceful. You can see fish and chip wrappers, fast food wrappers, bottles, cans. Why can't people take their rubbish home with them when they can see there is no room for it?  And what are people doing buying all this food in the middle of a pandemic. A friend of mine suggested that the situation might improve now that people can have up to 6 people to visit them in their garden. I'm not optimistic.

And from the ridiculous to the sublime this is what I saw also this morning.

What a delightful little initiative. I'm going to see if I can find a stone but unfortunately I don't think I have any paint that I could decorate it with but I'm keen to take part.

There's been massive fear mongering on social media today. People are saying that ICU workers have been told that there will be a second wave in July and the funeral directors have been told to prepare for a mass of deaths in August. This really doesn't help matters at all, I don't think. The other big news is that people who have been shielding i.e people who are extremely vulnerable with underlying health conditions have now been told they can go outside. I am not sure what to think anymore. My instinct is to carry on as I have been. Remain in the initial stages of lockdown. So I'll exercise once a day. Stay at home and continue to buy what I need online as far as possible. I will continue with my sanitisation programme too. A senior politician has said we can't stay in lockdown forever. No of course we can't. But you can't come out of lockdown just because you can't stay in it forever! That isn't a reason to come out of lockdown. We are still at risk.

Let's move onto more pleasant things. Life's been grim the last couple of days. How about the music that I've been listening to on my walks? Stephen Wilson - Transience. Ray La Montagne - Supernova. Madeleine Peyroux -  Standing on the Rooftop. George Ezra - Wanted on Voyage. Richard Thompson - Best Of. Quite an eclectic collection and I really enjoyed listening to them.

I have read nineteen books this month too. I still find living in someone else's world preferable to living in my own.

Sunday, the end of another week. One week seems to merge into another now. What a weird existence this is. Let's see what next week brings. I'm going to be very cautious.

Saturday 30 May 2020

Day Seventy-Six - Breaking the Lockdown

I was utterly rebellious today and broke the lockdown. However in 48 hours I would not have been breaking it. Because from Monday we can meet up to 6 people outside our own household as long as we socially distance. That is what I did. And it was exceptional circumstances. I don't really want to go into details. But I didn't go for my walk this morning. I couldn't sleep last night because I was quite upset. A friend had given me some news that was distressing me. I saw the friend today with her partner. They sat in my garden and we ate raspberry Magnums and cake. We looked at the garden and chatted of inconsequentialities. and it made me feel a bit better. I will probably write more about it when things become clearer. But I'm hoping to get back to normal tomorrow. Go for my walk I mean not break the lockdown anymore. I still think we're coming out of it too early. So if you'll forgive me that's all I'm going to write today.

Friday 29 May 2020

Day Seventy-Five - More Easing, Terrorists and Domesticity

Lockdowns everywhere seem to be easing but the WHO warn that the virus has not gone away and new outbreaks could build up very quickly. For example Japan has seen a build up in the south west of the country just days after emergency measures were eased. I worry again for my dear friend in Japan who, I know, reads this blog, bless her. Thinking about her I am reminded of her every morning.  A couple, of eastern origin,  out walking their dog, a chocolate labrador, have begun waving at me now. The man reminds me of my friend's husband, tall and with a similar bearing. From a distance it could be him. This makes me both happy and sad! I'm Gemini. What do you expect?

I did join in the final clap for carers last night. It wasn't too noisy. There were some fireworks going off. But I just clapped for three minutes and came in.

The latest lockdown easing in the UK advises that up to six people from different homes will be able to gather from Monday in gardens and other private outdoor spaces but social distancing guidelines must be followed. People should not spend time inside the homes of their friends other than to access the garden or use the toilet. Call me contrary but I still don't want anyone in my house. I'm not sure I want social distancing conversations full blast in my garden having experienced my neighbours both sides.. But I'm a curmudgeonly old witch, I think.

Some services and shops are going to reopen on June 15 including places like fashion shops, charity shops, betting shops, fashion shops and so on. And of course the social distancing rules apply. Shopping is going to be a completely different experience. It will be interesting to see if people do go shopping again or whether they continue to shop online. I have to say that I am viewing it all with caution. I'm not going to be rushing out. There is the potential for the virus to flareup again when people start mixing willy-nilly. And not everybody is sensible. That's going to be the real problem.

I make no excuses for the way my mind works. It does what it wants. I don't really have any control over it. But here is rather a perverse thought that occurred to me this morning -  terrorism. That is assuming that coronavirus itself has not been an act of terrorism. I still think that's a possibility. It would seem to me that terrorists liked large gatherings and crowds of people. Well that's not gonna happen for a long while. So I wonder what they're doing now? I can't believe they've just locked themselves down and not given a thought to their "cause". Cybercrime would be my guess.

I've washed some more curtains and soft furnishings today. But I'm going to pace myself this time. I shall wash the nets tomorrow and clean the windows hopefully. Also done quite a bit of gardening today despite my painful hands. It's got to be done. I've got to keep going. And it's taken this lockdown to tip the balance. I have to continue. I do worry that when we do go back to "normal" and I have to negotiate public transport and different terrains whether I'll go downhill physically. I'd love not to. Can't predict that at all. Have to wait and see.

Thursday 28 May 2020

Day Seventy-Four - Stressing, Clapping and Changing

Well I've been stressing all day over the faintly suspicious email that I received from DPD advising me of an Amazon order. And then I started googling online scams et cetera reding of the increase during the pandemic and saw that DPD have been used in some cyber crime. I got another email telling me that my delivery would arrive between 3:15 and 4:15 today and the delivery driver's name was Damian. It all seem to be perfectly legit. Except that I didn't have an Amazon order on its way. So what the hell was it! Eventually I decided to phone DPD which tried my patience because of course, like everywhere during this lockdown and the Covid pandemic, they're taking ages to answer. Possibly people are working from home so patience is absolutely essential, it's not their fault. They assured me it was a legit delivery, they could see it on the screen and it would arrive within the allotted time. So I guess I felt a little bit better. Lo and behold,  it did arrive within the time slot. But what was it, I hear you ask? It was a duplicate delivery! Never in all my days as an Amazon customer have I had that happen. One came via Royal mail yesterday and this arrived today. I'm going to have to get in touch with them because I'm too honest a person to just shrug my shoulders and say well, it wasn't my fault and keep them both. But I have been so stressed today about this. I had my bank's fraud phone line at the ready because I really felt I would have to phone them to put a stop on things in case my account was being milked.

I made a new resolution today. I wasn't going to get cross any more about the barking dogs, the loud music, loud conversations, in short the numerous  inconsiderations of people. I don't know how long this lockdown is going to last or this beautiful weather but whatever happens  I'm going to have to put up with this and not let myself get up stressed and upset by it. So when I've been sitting outside reading and for example the dogs have started barking I've just calmly closed my book and come indoors. Maybe not what I want to do. But I think it would be better all round. My language might improve for a start not to mention my blood pressure!

I did some more gardening this morning but ooh,  my hands hurt. Becoming quite a problem. They were hurting in the night too. I'm sure it's arthritis and tendinitis. But I need my hands. I use them all the time.

The police have fund Dominic Cummings guilty of a minor breach of lockdown rules. No further actions. What would constitute a major breach then? FFS.

The Covid alert level is expected to be lowered. With that will follow more lockdown easing. I will await the measure with interest but I can't see my behaviour changing too quickly. I remain cautious. Tonight will likely be the last Clap for Carers in which case I shall join in. However I fear people will go overboard in the noise and fuss they make. But it's right that it should stop. I think the real meaning had all but disappeared. I remember the first time we did it. I thought that would be the only time!!

I do sense a subtle and gradual change in things. I'm not sure what that means. And I'm not sure what it means for me. Is interesting in the early days of the lockdown everybody was getting in touch with one another. People you hadn't heard heard from for years got in touch. It's stopped now nobody much contacts me anymore. It doesn't matter. It's kind of an organic development I think. Lockdown was a novelty to an extent. Not anymore. It's a way of life.

Wednesday 27 May 2020

Day Seventy-Three - Jasmine, Window Cleaners and Suspicious Emails

One of the gardens in the road I walk down on my route to the cliffs in the morning has some jasmine in abundance and the fragrance is absolutely wonderful. It hits me as soon as I turn into the street, lifts me, and encourages me onwards. My own honeysuckle is coming into bloom now and I could catch the faintest aroma this morning. That's another summer smell that brings me cheer.

In spite of my lack of gardener I'm relatively satisfied with the garden this year. I get very excited as things come into bloom. I have to resign myself to the fact that I can only do so much. I'm thinking I might just drop my gardener  a text just to keep me in the loop. I do worry that he will end up saying sorry I've got no more room now and I won't have anyone. He really comes into his own towards the end of the growing season when he can chop the stuff down. I can't do that I know. In fact after my efforts yesterday I'm having to rest my hands today. It is so unbelievably frustrating.

The window cleaner is coming today. This is giving me a twofold anxiety. He is new to us. My old window cleaner lived such a long way away and he was so infrequent that he has given his round over to a more local chap. The first time this guy turned up he missed me out. And I thought that maybe my details hadn't been passed across. So I contacted Jamie, the old window cleaner, and he assured me he had given him the details but he'd get in touch just to sort things out. So this guy, Ryan, turns up at the end of the day and "cleans" my windows in whistle stop time. Appalling job. When I compared notes with my next door neighbours they were equally underwhelmed by his efforts. "But what can you do?" was my neighbours reaction. Bloody well tell him, is my reaction! However I see no point in being unpleasant about it so I'm going to say something along the lines of, 'I know it was a bit rushed last time due to the circumstances but can you give them a good old thorough brushing today?'  My other anxiety of course is the fact that we're still in lockdown. Will he practise social distancing? And is he happy to accept cash? I've no intention of going out to the bank to pay him a tenner. And I don't do Internet banking. So the only thing I can do is pay by cash or if he has PayPal I could do it that way. But I have to say the windows do need cleaning. Apart from the spare room. Which I managed to do inside and out apart from the lead lights.

Local lockdowns might be the next thing where there are flare ups.  At the moment there are more cases in the north of England than there are down south. But of course those figures are so relative because it depends on who's been tested et cetera. I've become so sceptical of both the government and the statistic.

The window cleaner has been. And I said to him the windows need a jolly good thorough brushing. And he said they'll get one. I watched him very carefully. He didn't miss a single window this time and he did brush them all. So I have to say it was a better job than last time. He was very grateful for the cold drink I gave him. I asked him if many people had declined his services because of the lockdown. And he said out of 50 customers only 4 told him they didn't want him for at least the next couple of months. He said he's only just returned to work. He felt it was safer not to. So I kind of had a new respect for him because he wasn't being gung ho about the situation. He observed the social distance more or less and he was happy to take cash. So all in all it was a successful enterprise.

I've read a lot lately about the number of cyber scams going on. So many people are buying things online as they obey instructions to stay home. The cyber criminals are out in force. I had an email today purporting to be from Amazon and DPD couriers. Telling me they will deliver my parcel tomorrow. And I do have something on order from Amazon. But when I check in my orders it's not due to be delivered till next week because it's coming from Europe. So I am slightly concerned that this might be a scam email. I don't know what to do. I've changed my Amazon password. But it will be interesting to see if anything is delivered tomorrow. If it doesn't I shall be very worried. It may simply be that they want my card details from Amazon. I shall have to keep a careful check on things.


Tuesday 26 May 2020

Day Seventy-Two - Anxiety

I'm starting to get very anxious about the ending of lockdown. Because of things people have said to me. I'm sure it wasn't intentional but the tone was quite disdainful. Someone said to me, can't see how you're going to catch coronavirus, you don't go anywhere. As if it was a bad thing. As if it was another indication of my overall inadequacy. All I've been doing is following the lockdown protocols quite faithfully. Also when I offered to help out somebody who is going into hospital they said, but you don't go to the shops. Again it was that faintly disdainful disapproving tone of voice. Made me feel really bad. And alone.

I'm being honest here. For me there's been a lot of good things about lockdown. It's benefited me physically. I have eaten healthily. Because I'm not going out to eat I'm not tempted by the high fat, high sugar, high salt, high carb content of food. And I'm so weak willed sometimes I can't resist the deserts and delights on offer when I do eat out. And sometimes I've been ridiculed for making the healthy choices in a restaurant so it's easier to make the unhealthy ones! I've been able to curate my seating so no longer have I had to endure time on uncomfortable chairs that I know are hurting my back. I've not had to get in and out of cars that are too high, too low, too jolty, or sitting in car seats that constrict my spine and I can feel the harm it is doing me. There is a freedom  within a lockdown. I know that sounds like the most ridiculous paradox ever. But on days when I haven't felt good it's not mattered. I know I've not got to go anywhere. I haven't had to make the decision about whether I go or not. I don't have to to worry about letting anybody down. Or making up some kind of excuse because people don't wanna hear that I don't feel well. It's hard for people to understand where I'm at.

Some of that is because I'm not a talker,  I'm a listener. I'm happy to be. I don't know what it is but I've often been in the situation where people have said I've never told anyone this before......  So I'm not used to talking and folk aren't used to listening to me. But if I do try to talk it all comes out wrong. People don't want to listen. They want to talk, tell me what to do and then turn the conversation back to them again. That sounds mean, doesn't it? But people like to talk. They like to talk about themselves. Most of my life I've been a listener and it's never really mattered. I'm better with written words than spoken words. I suppose that's where this blog comes in because it's my opportunity to express my confused and conflicted feelings about this situation we're in. I wouldn't be doing this if it were for coronavirus and the lockdown.

The WHO are warning of a second peak rather than a second wave. What's the difference? Apparently we are in the middle of the first wave globally. I guess we have peaked once? And we are at risk of a second peak. All countries should remain alert. I intend to remain alert.

My sister said she was up and about early this morning and it fleetingly crossed her mind that she could probably be walking on my cliffs by the time I got there this morning!! That would have meant her driving down from London at about four in the morning! Ultimately she decided it was too soon to try anything like that. But, like me, she is wary of these socially distanced conversations outdoors that end up with people shouting at each other. However if social distancing is to become something of a permanent 'thing'  we both may have to swallow our inhibitions and shout like the rest of 'em!

I did some hoovering ad some gardening today. But I did pace myself so I'm not hurting too much. I'm in a quandary abut getting in touch with my gardener. It's too soon, I think given his tendencies for the toilet etc. I'm coping with the garden, not managing exactly but coping and that's an improvement on the last couple of years. So it's another good thing to come out of this.

The Dominic Cummings row continues with one MP resigning and others calling for Cummings' resignation. But he remains unrepentant. Why are people surprised? Politicians are the slimiest, evasive and immoral entities in our world with a very few exceptions. The UK and the USA probably boast the worst.



Monday 25 May 2020

Day Seventy-One - Insular, Somerset and Doing Without

Dreadful news today that a hospital in Somerset has had to close to new patients because of a spike in Covid cases. It has stopped taking admissions including A&E. I couldn't find a reason as to why this specific area has an influx of cases but social media suggests it is a result of people flocking to beaches and beauty spots in the warm weather. If that is the case then other places would have similar spikes?

My friend is worried that I will be so conditioned by the lockdown that I will become very insular when it is all over. I think I will. In some ways it is easier! I am quite worried that I will prefer to stay in isolation and not go anywhere. Emotionally it is harder and I know that I really want to see my brother and sister. I have a theory that lockdown has done my back good. I haven't taken ANY painkillers this week! I think it's because I am only sitting in my own curated chairs for reasonable lengths of time. I'm not going to venues where I sit for a couple of hours in a seat that I know is bad for my back. I wouldn't like to go back to the levels of pain I was experiencing before. When I think back to this time last year it's like I have a different body. And I prefer it this way.

We also discussed what we had actually missed during this lockdown. I miss going to the library and the freedom to come and go as I please. But I can mange perfectly well without these things. I'm not sure if I miss my Tai Chi and yoga classes or not!! But I don't miss things like pubs. I used to enjoy popping out for a lunch or a coffee with friends, mooching round the charity shops. I wonder what the future of charity shops will be? Will people trust the goods in them to be virus free? Sanitising shopping was a also a topic for discussion. I wipe everything that comes into the house. My friend doesn't think that all shopping needs to be wiped. I looked online but couldn't find anything conclusive. All the information conflicts as to how long the virus can stay alive on various surfaces. But better safe than sorry?

The Dominic Cummings row continues and there are fears that it has undermined the whole coronavirus and lockdown strategy. People who are angry and resent that he did what he did are sticking two fingers up at the lockdown and doing what they want. It's a sort of 'if he can do what he likes then so can I' type attitude. These people miss the point completely! It's about slowing down the spread of the virus!!

I despair of the human race.

In unrelated news I have found a freesia blooming in my garden. I didn't plant it. It isn't fragrant. I think it must have been left in the compost I used in that bed.  A rogue corm that survived this mild winter.  Lots of things are blooming in the garden now. The nigella, the lampranthus, the loose strife and the fried egg plants. If I feel so disposed I might take some photos. But it's not really to do with the intent of this blog. They'd bloom anyway, virus or no virus. And I'd  still be pleased with them.


Sunday 24 May 2020

Day Seventy - People, Neighbours and Nephews

There are some people on my walk who I see regularly. Almost every day. I called them my waving friends or my remote friends. Of course we're not really friends at all. But it will be interesting to see if there's any connection at all when this lockdown is over.

One lady is Oriental in origin. Sometimes she's on her own and sometimes she's with a much older man. At the start of lockdown when it was colder he used to be dressed up warmly and walk with a stick. But I've noticed that now it's hotter he hasn't got the stick anymore and he wears his shorts, bless his heart. I can't quite figure the relationship. She is very careful to maintain the social distance from me which makes me think she's taking the whole lockdown seriously. So that makes me think they must be from the same household. I'm wondering if perhaps he is her adoptive father or something like that. I find it interesting to imagine these people and what their lives are. Maybe I could write a book of short stories about them. They always wave to me. Actually she says, 'good morning', he waves.

Then there is a lady of indeterminate age. Because whatever the weather she wears a dark coloured raincoat and a cloche type hat and sunglasses. So I can't see her face or her hair colour. I've no idea if she's young or old. I think she is very anxious and she is obsessive about maintaining a social distance. I think she really appreciates me because she knows I do too. So she's taken to giving me a little wave in the mornings. I think she's probably like me and lives alone and is finding the isolation of lockdown pretty tough. But her apparel makes me wonder whether she has another kind of problem. She wears the dark classes whatever the weather. And a hat too. So I wonder if maybe she's been ill and her immune system is compromised? And that's why she is so careful to stay away from everybody.

Another lady is probably closer to my age, maybe a little older. I have seen her before around town. She actually reminds me of the parent of a child I used to teach who was awkward, difficult and uncooperative, the parent, not the child! So I've been a little bit cautious in case they're related! The first time we interacted was when she was the only person to observe social distancing and I was so pleased I did a thumbs up at her and she was startled. But she did do a thumbs up back. We've thumbs upped a few times but now it's dwindled to a mere wave. She now weighs a light pink, summer coat in deference to the weather! See I notice these things!

My stalker seems to have disappeared. Thank goodness. Not even sure he really was stalking me, it was just odd. He allowed his dog to dictate everywhere he went and if that meant no social distancing then so be it. So I was trying to give him a wide berth. There is another dog walker an older, heavier man with a little Yorkshire terrier. They do look a mismatched pair! He walks very slowly and I'm wondering if he has some physical problems. He never makes any attempt to maintain a social distance. And I think he thinks I'm totally weird for doing so but he always waves to me.

They are my "regulars"! It's been quite interesting over the weeks to see how people have failed to maintain their regimes. The pooping pooch is no longer in evidence. Maybe someone had a word about the crap everywhere. The couple of ladies who started off lockdown enthusiastically jogging for a few metres, then stopping, then doing some elaborate stretches. then jogging a little bit more, then stretching again, full lycra overload! Haven't seen them for weeks. A mother and small son who cycled all along the pathways even though cycling is prohibited, fully donned with face-masks but actually not prepared to get out of anybody's way. They were regular several days for a couple of weeks I would think.  No sign of them now.

It's a curious thing that the people I see most frequently are not my friends or my family but complete strangers. The most social interaction I have is to wave at people whose names I don't know.

I can see the lockdown ending. Visibly around me. My next door neighbours have friends in this afternoon. They're all sitting in the garden. But the two friends don't appear to be the minimum 2 m apart. The rot sets in. I wonder how much of it is due to Dominic Cummings? My sister and I are wondering if we have excessive paranoia. And maybe we shouldn't get so exasperated with other people. She reckons we were raised to be terrified of everything. She is right to a large degree. But it's not always easy to change your mindset even though you know it's folly.

Something else that struck me this week. My next door neighbours the other side have a daily paper delivered. Sometimes by a paperboy, sometimes by a chap in a van. But a daily paper is relevant to that day only so how do you sanitise a newspaper? Unless you don't read it for two or three days. I think it's unlikely that they do that. It's the Daily Mail too. How do I know this? Previously when they've gone on holiday I have kept an eye on the house and fed their fish. One year they texted me in alarm because they realised they'd forgotten to cancel the paper. I used to go in each day and take it out of the letterbox and put it on the table.

I think my nephew had strep throat. But evidently he's feeling better today and his temperature has gone down. I don't know how the sore throat in COVID-19 manifests itself. So I still think we need to keep an eye on things. He may have had the virus and recovered quickly as youngsters do. But that doesn't mean he hasn't passed it on to his mum and even my brother. The next couple of weeks will tell.

Since seventy is something of a round and auspicious number I decided to go back to day one of this whole journal. Makes me chuckle now when I think of how I felt then and how I feel now. But that really was the point of doing it. To look at how myself and others might be affected. But that's hard to judge because I don't really see other people. Telephone conversations are not as productive as face-to-face. On a lighter note the other interesting thing from day one is that after buying the Assam team on a peculiar impulse I actually rather enjoy it and I've subsequently bought more. It is now my preferred blend of tea. So if there's been anything to good to come out of this it is my penchant for Assam tea!

Saturday 23 May 2020

Day Sixty-Nine - The A-Word, Kodaline and George Ezra

Sometimes when I'm walking along in the mornings with my headphones on, and I'm singing along to some tune or other I feel like I'm Joe from the A word!  I often wonder whether my weirdness puts me somewhere on the spectrum. It would explain a lot, I think. This morning I was listening to Kodaline. The first album. But it's tinged with sadness. My friend's son was in a relationship with a girl when their first album came out. And it played the soundtrack to their summer. The summer before she dumped him. He was heartbroken. I don't think anyone has ever dumped him before! But we had tickets for a Kodaline concert later that year and he still came with us. Even though he'd broken up with her.  There was a point during one of the songs and the line went 'So if you love me, why'd you leave me?' And the tears were just rolling down his face as they sang. Broke my heart. I thought I had to change the mood. So then I listened to George Ezra's Staying at Tamara's. Nice and bouncy, upbeat, happy. My brother bought me this album. He'd come down to stay and it was a belated birthday present. We bought it in an actual record shop, the one where I used to work. We came straight home and played it. I remember he was a bit critical of some of the lyrics and the way that contemporary artists repeat lines. He reckoned it was to get festival audiences to join in. I can still remember that afternoon. It was a Saturday. It was sunny. And the music was jolly. Until you get to the last couple of tracks. 'Only a Human' and The Beautiful Dream'. And so there were tears streaming down my face as I walked home. Because I really miss my brother and I don't know when I'll see him again.

You might be wondering what the A word is? It's a TV series about a couple and their autistic son. And the child who plays the autistic boy, Joe, is absolutely amazing. Joe listens to music on his headphones and he's learned all the lyrics and sings along when he's walking. Like many autistic people he has an exceptional ability and his is to remember the lyrics. I'm finding it very hard to watch TV at the moment. Partly that's to do with the summer. My brother and I were discussing this. He feels the same as I do that it never seems right to have the TV on unless it's dark! I know a lot of people would laugh at that because they watch TV at all times of the day. But I only tend to watch it in the evenings.  Then I go to bed much earlier now because I get up so much earlier which leaves very little time to watch TV.But the A word is one programme I will watch without fail.

There is a massive hoohah brewing at the moment. Dominic Cummings, a Downing Street advisor,  made a 260 mile journey during lockdown. He left London to travel to his family's home in Durham. His wife had suspected coronavirus and there was a high likelihood that he would himself become unwell too. (He did I think?) He thought it was essential to make sure his child could be properly cared for. Sounds reasonable doesn't it? Sounds caring doesn't it? But it breaks all the lockdown rules that the rest of the population have been given. If you have the virus self isolate. Don't leave the home. There are people who have been in the same position but they didn't travel hundreds of miles to take their child somewhere else. They followed the guidance they had been given. People are baying for his blood. They want him to resign. But the government are all behind him and saying it's quite reasonable. Now, whatever the rights and wrongs are, whatever anybody actually thinks, there are going to be a vast numbers of people who will not continue to respect the lockdown. Human nature. Simple as that. There'll be plenty of 'cummings' and goings. If he can do it then so can we. I'm just waiting. It's Bank Holiday weekend too. Heaven help us. 

I've had a productive day. I've washed some curtains, cleaned some windows, scrubbed the kitchen floor and made some soup. There is a strong chance I won't be able to move very far tomorrow but hey, at the moment I'm feeling pretty virtuous.

I haven't heard from any of my family so far today so I don't know what my nephew's condition is. I had an update on Auntie Pat last night but it was the same information as  before. The only additional piece of information was that she'd had a conversation through the window with her friend Jane. And the fact that she was able to do that pleases me.

Friday 22 May 2020

Day Sixty - Eight - Nephews, News and Silly

I was fully intending to go out for my early walk today but my plans were thwarted when I fell back to sleep! Most unusual for me. I figure I must've needed that extra half hour. But it cemented the decision not to venture out this morning. Instead I did the tai chi form in the garden. I say the form. I got about halfway through the final part when my memory deserted me. So I just gave a bow and came indoors. Funny how the wheels of fate conspire to propel you in a certain direction. Astute readers might remember that I said I had a Sainsbury's delivery booked. It was due today. They always send you an email detailing those items they can't send you. I got the mail nice and early and I was a little bit disappointed to find they had no eggs and no satisfactory substitute. Wonder what the hell is going on with eggs at the moment? Abel and Cole didn't have any. My sister in London couldn't get any at the Co-op or Waitrose. She ended up buying some very expensive ones at Tesco's but let's not go there. I'm a vegetarian. Eggs are an important part of my diet. So I had the idea that maybe, just maybe, my health food store might have some. Now you probably know how stressed I get about venturing out into the wider world. Reader I girded my loins, no I didn't actually. I donned a protective facemask and some protective gloves and off I went intending to be there when they opened. I was too early. But the owner, bless his heart, served me anyway. Very quickly, very efficiently. All the things I wanted including that elusive breakfast cereal. (I bought three bags call me a panic buyer if you wish) And I walked back the long way round so that I could see my beloved sea. And it was a fairly trouble-free journey, everybody was pretty much social distancing. It was very easy for me to maintain a social distance even if other people didn't look like they were inclined to. In fact I was thanked by one jogger for social distancing. Which although they made no effort to do it on their part they did at least acknowledge that I was prepared to do so and somehow that pleased me.

The Sainsbury's order arrived on time. And if I was regretting not going for my walk this morning I changed my mind because after you've sanitised everything you've bought and put it away in its right place that's a workout in itself I think. Nevertheless after I'd done all that I did some yoga too so I feel like I have done enough exercise today.

I was worried I might have upset one of my school friends. She messaged me yesterday evening saying that we should arrange to meet remotely along a local road, early in the morning when no one is about. She was going to get dropped off with one chair or two and we could have a face-to-face chat at well beyond the obligatory 2 m minimum social distance. . That may sound horribly contrary after my whingeing of yesterday. It just wasn't anything I wanted to do, too many silly people about Her reply was slightly snippy I had suggested people are silly and she said she's not one of them. I never meant to call her silly at all. I was referring to everybody else. But I suspect that she probably goes most places by car and is less aware of how ridiculous some peoples' behaviour is. But the road she suggested is the one I walk down and even early in the morning I see for myself how silly some people can be. And that's just walking. When you are sitting down it becomes even more hazardous. And I just don't have any desire to have a socially distanced conversation out in the open. But I'm also beginning to wonder whether I don't actually want to have that much to do with other people anyway. Which is a sad state to get into. I'd like to see my brother and sister. I know that.

My brother messaged us last night to say that my nephew had eaten and was fiddling about on his laptop which was all fairly normal. And he's texted me again this afternoon to say that he thinks it's probably what he often has when he's rundown. Nevertheless I remain concerned.

South America seems to be the latest area to have a surge in coronavirus infections and deaths. IKEA are going to reopen their stores on June 1. But they're not allowing families in one adult and one child only. It looks like next Thursday will be the final clap for carers. The lady that started it in the first place has acknowledged how political it has become. I think it would be a good place to end it. I shall join in then in the final one. There are hints that lockdown easing will start in London ahead of parts of the rest of the country. Apparently there have been no new COVID-19 cases reported in the last 24 hours. Two words. Cautious optimism.




Thursday 21 May 2020

Day Sixty-Seven - Starlings, Hand Gel and High Temperatures

The young starlings have fledged and they perform their slapstick antics chasing their poor parents for food. I've always found it a comical sight. For one thing the young birds are larger than their parents and they run after them squawking right into the poor harassed birds faces so intense is their appetite and hunger. They were a delight to see, this morning, on my walk. One thing they weren't doing was murmuring! I took a photo. One sat on the bench. They're still not quite sure what to do when confronted with a human being.


But take a look at that photo. Can you see the cans and the bottles there? I'm lost for words. Regardless of the fact that we are in lockdown and there should be social distancing no one should be leaving their trash for someone else to clear up. I despair of the human race.

I felt disproportionately hurt this morning.  A close friend of mine who has some health issues to contend with, and I've been very worried about her, messaged me today to say that she had a friend coming round to sit in the garden with her. They would observe social distancing and the friend was bringing her own chair and a flask and she would come in the back gate. The reason I felt hurt was because I'd offered to do this a little while ago when she first had the news about her health. I wanted to be supportive. I would've gone down like a shot. I'm sure I'm being over sensitive. It may be because I have been so conscientious about maintaining all the lockdown protocols. Guess I've been hoisted by my own petard. I think I've been starved of human company for so many weeks now that it's affected me all the more. The irony is that because I haven't had any company much I think I'd find it really hard after all this time! But that's me for you, contrary Mary. Ignore me.

That being said I did have another conversation with my next door neighbour today. He is creosoting the fence. I was gardening the other side. I could hear the sound. I thought he was sweeping. But he wasn't, he was brushing. I was concerned because we weren't actually socially distanced at that point. So I moved away. That's two days in a row I've chatted with him. I'm becoming quite garrulous!

Several months ago when I was in a local shop. I intended to buy some liquid hand soap. In my haste I picked up some medicated hand gel. I was really annoyed with myself when I got home and found out my mistake. However it turned out to be a really good mistake. Because this is really good alcoholic hand gel that should kill everything. And goodness knows I've not been able to get hold of any other. Funny isn't it sometimes, when something that seems to go wrong turns out to be incredibly right.

Had a quick chat with my brother this afternoon. I'm very concerned. His son has a temperature of 38 and a sore throat. Alarm bells are going off in my head. In the time B.C.(before coronavirus) we wouldn't have been worried. My brother knows exactly what to do. He needs to phone 111. But he doesn't want to do it without his wife's approval. And that's a bit worrying too. Because she can be incredibly resistant and quite stubborn. He is worried. I'm worried. I'm not sure if she is or not. And then of course if he does test positive for the virus they will both have to go into quarantine which means my brother will have to go out and get food for them which puts everybody at risk. Also my sister-in-law is on a number of different medications which I don't think helps if you do actually contract the virus. If anybody watched that YouTube video that I posted a few days back it was quite clear that one of the reasons old people were more prone to be sicker with the virus was because of the medication they were taking, in particular ACE inhibitors - hypertension meds for example, and I guess steroids because they weaken the immune system. She takes those.

So all in all I'm feeling a bit worried at the moment. I've heard no more news on Auntie Pat. This heat doesn't help. I feel like I'm melting. The younger me would've been like a pig in shit! The older me just can't take the heat. So I'll get out of the kitchen. And out of your hair.

Wednesday 20 May 2020

Day Sixty-Six - Disco in the Garden and Other Assorted Irritations

I started to write this a little earlier today. I've been driven indoors. My rear neighbours have music playing so loud that it's impossible to sit outside. I noticed my neighbours either side have done exactly the same. It's dreadful. I'm tempted to say something. And if I thought I had the backup of the other two I might but they're too meek and don't want to cause any upset. I do get that. No one wants unpleasantness and and atmospheres I guess.  But it's so selfish. We're all in lockdown. We'd all like to be outside in this lovely weather. But they're making it unpleasant. They have two sons who clearly have friends round but there's no social distancing. They're careering round the garden playing some kind of ball game. But to give you some idea of how loud it is. I'm at the front of the house in my study. I can still hear the music indoors. With the doors closed. Imagine how loud that is outside.

I had a chat with my neighbour one side earlier today. We were just about socially distanced. They were supposed to get married on July 18 but they cancelled it. I did feel sad for them. He says they're okay with it and they'll reschedule it for next year. He's on furlough. He's not sure what's going to happen as his company has something to do with travel. People aren't flying right now. Doesn't seem to stop them spending though! They still continue to have numerous deliveries. Gosh I'm being a bit judgmental aren't i? Blame the heat and the noise. Brings out the worst in me.

I'm wondering if the heat will kill the virus? Is that possible? Of course that's only if it's outside. It won't kill it inside buildings, I suppose. Just looking at the world around me I keep fearing that I'm being way, way too cautious over all of this. People seem to be out and about quite happily. Are they wrong or am I wrong?

According to the Guardian people are booking holidays on campsites. They reckon that many people are considering a domestic break this year instead of a foreign trip. But campsites and caravan parks aren't open! I do admire peoples optimism. But in the same breath they're talking about the prospect of a second wave no longer being a distant theory. The question is when and how big. And some director of a European Centre for disease prevention and control says it's not the time now to completely relax. Maybe I'm not wrong?

That's all for today. I'm hot. And bothered. And grumpy. I'd like to be outside. And I need to sort my mental attitude out.


Tuesday 19 May 2020

Day Sixty-Five - Blah, Blah, Blah

There are noticeably more people about in the mornings now. But it's not that they're taking their essential exercise. They're going to work, poor souls. And I would think they're heading for the station so they're using public transport. It will be interesting to see, in about two weeks after the lockdown easing and people started to return to work, whether there is a spike in the rate of infection. If there isn't then I think we may have cracked this thing to a degree. But I feel there will be.

Once a year, around the time of my birthday, I have to have a hypertension check at the surgery. You have to have a blood test to check that the medication isn't buggering up the kidneys too much. And you have a chat with the nurse who takes your blood pressure and you talk about health stuff in general. It's not anything I enjoy particularly but for the last few years I've had the same nurse who I really like and we get on quite well. However I was absolutely dreading the anniversary this year. When the post arrived this morning and a letter popped onto the mat I could see that it was THE letter. And I threw aside all the sanitation protocols and opened it. To my absolute relief the letter said that they would be conducting the interviews by telephone. I do have to have a blood test but they actually say it's not urgent, have it when the clinic is open again. I'm supposed to have a cholesterol test as well. That was due in March but there was no way I was going to make an appointment at a time like this. So I phoned the surgery. I had to wait 15 minutes before I got through but no matter I wanted to get it sorted. And I have an appointment for a couple of weeks time. They were very pleased that I have my own BP monitor. She said the nurse would phone me but unfortunately she couldn't give me a time. I said it doesn't matter because I'll be here anyway; Stay at Home. Stay Safe! That's if I don't go down with coronavirus from having opened the post that I should've left for about three days. Oh, they call the receptionists care navigators now. Seriously?

I walked a little further today. My body is getting too used to the route I do. It's only a few metres more but I need to build up gradually. I've learnt my lesson of trying to do too much in too short a time. My younger body could cope with it but this old wreck of a body can't. I have to cross the road by the traffic lights and then I walk along a lovely grassed area until I get to a tree stump which I walk round and then come back again. I'm going to do that for a few weeks and then I shall go further until I get to the footpath that would take you to the ruins of a Norman castle.
I've included a close-up photo of part of the ruined castle. And there is a seagull in the top right. I thought it might make the blog look prettier. Not that many people are reading it now. I know there is one person who does regularly. So thank you very much. You know who you are. 😉

What music have I been listening to? I'm glad you asked. I've been listening to Gary Numan. Two albums and an EP. Splinter. Savage. The Fallen. Not only have I seen Gary several times in the last few years but I've also met him. He is really nice guy. Really down-to-earth and unpretentious. I had my photo taken with him but because I hate myself in photos I'm not going to post one here. Potentially anyone could see it. And I've come to the conclusion that once people meet me in person or see what I look like then sadly my credibility plummets. People judge by appearances all the time. I often wonder what it would feel like to be physically attractive or beautiful. A friend of mine who is said she doesn't like it because men look at her and they don't see her, the person that she is, they only see her physical attributes. And I guess that must be true. But I would've liked to have been more pleasing to the eye than I actually am. I wonder how my life would've turned out. Because I'm sure I would have been a bit more confident.

I've been fortunate enough to secure another Sainsbury's shopping slot. I think that's about the fourth I've had during this lockdown. So I think I've been really lucky. But I'm getting dangerously low on a number of things. I say dangerously. That's a silly way to put it. If I couldn't get the things I'd go without and improvise.

The coronavirus death rate is certainly falling both in care homes and in the wider population. But I do remain sceptical of the statistics and how to effectively interpret them. The news that I seen today suggests that there were plans for "airbridges" between countries with low coronavirus infection rates. So that Britons were given fresh hopes of a summer holiday abroad. Oh my giddy aunt so let's go spread the infection shall we? Or am I being unreasonably cynical? However from early next month quarantine measures are going to be introduced to prevent a second outbreak of COVID-19. All arrivals into the country including Britain's themselves returning from abroad will have to self isolate for two weeks with possible fines for anyone who breaches those rules. You'd have to trust everyone to do that though, wouldn't you? And if only that had been done right at the start we might not have the alarming death rate which we have. Still hindsight is a wonderful thing blah blah blah blah blah.

Monday 18 May 2020

Day Sixty-Four - When I Get Older, Losing My Hair

My hair seems to be growing at an alarming rate. And even if hairdressing salons were open would I brave them? I don't know. But for the time being I have to take scissors to my own head. It is a perilous undertaking for I am looking in the mirror and trying to cut the offending waves from my head and several times I have nearly done a Vincent. (Van Gogh, ear? ) Losing my hair I'm definitely not, getting older, I definitely am.

My walk this morning  This is what unlimited exercise looks like in a pandemic lockdown after twenty four hours.  Or maybe it's meeting one friend with social distancing? Does the word 'essential' spring to mind at all here? Not for me it didn't. I was disgusted. 




Controversies and confusion still remains over the business of who can work and who can't. For example it seems it's okay for gardeners and window cleaners to work if they can access property without having to come through the house and maintain a social distance at all times. But some domestic cleaners believe that they should be able to work now. A school friend of mine was approached by her cleaner asking if she could come back to work. My friend said, 'Sorry, no. If my own daughter is not allowed to visit the house then I'm not going to have somebody else come into it.' That same cleaner said that several of her employers had been paying her throughout the lockdown. My friend was unimpressed but also made to feel somehow ungenerous? She has done her bit though, more than many and more than myself. Supporting neighbours who have been bereaved because of COVID-19. She's been phoning people who are on their own and isolating. I felt very sorry for her. 

I was able to join in the old school girls WhatsApp group chat the other day. They were talking about books. Well, it's a no brainer for me! People were putting forward their top tens. So I put forward mine. Got a couple of responses. By and large I don't feel I'm very popular member of the group. Especially since the early morning thumbs up thing. I forget to do it some days and I don't think they even notice.

I had a better day outside today. Went for a very early walk and I was in the garden eating breakfast by 630 this morning. And I sat there reading and drinking coffee till 9. I figured that if it got noisy and unpleasant out there at least I would've had a couple of hours. But it's been relatively quiet today. I even ate my lunch out there. Can't remember the last time I did that. And I mowed the grass. But that's all I've done because I've learnt my lesson from previous times. Unless you count re-potting a spider plant? But I'm just wondering where everybody has gone?

For what must be some years now there's been a hole underneath the fence from my garden to my neighbours. It was dug by a badger. And it's been a little subway for much of the wildlife round here for years. Initially the neighbours tried and tried to block it up. But the badger kept opening it up again. So they gave up. They have two transmitters in their garden to deter wildlife. They're not really interested in the environment or ecology. They paved most of the garden and they have a postage stamp piece of artificial grass. Says it all doesn't it? But today they've dug and planted and blocked the gap up again. I shall be interested to see what happens. Will the badger undo all their work? Or will he simply find a new place to dig. It doesn't bother me having the badger do that. It's his world to, not just mine. I think man is the only creature that actually believes he owns any of this godforsaken rock.

I've avoided all updates on coronavirus today so I don't know what's going on. I doubt that anything much has changed. I think everyone is moving towards ending lockdown whether it's official or not! Life seems to be going on outside and returning to normal and more. Scary.

Sunday 17 May 2020

Day Sixty-Three - Pottering, Faffing and Nits

I've figured out that I can more or less get everything I need online in one form or another. The one thing that I'm still stymied on is my preferred breakfast cereal that the Health Food store make up on the premises. It's not even a simple case of buying the component ingredients separately because their mix is two fold. The cereal, and added to it is their L.S.A. mix, linseed, sunflower seeds and almonds, all ground up. It must be possible to do but I would need to source the ingredients and make it all up in the correct proportions. Quite a challenge! If I could do that I wouldn't need to go shopping in a store again. And then if I could get my prescription delivered to my home I wouldn't need to leave the house. Then I would be a professional recluse. It's good to have that option should things go completely tits up. 

Despite the warmth and the sunshine today, I'm marooned indoors. Ultimately my choice. But it's because I don't want to listen to my neighbours socially distanced conversations of which I can hear every word. I feel like I'm eavesdropping and I don't want to be an eavesdropper! Every so often they light up their cigarettes and if the wind is blowing in a certain direction I get the full force of the smoke which catches in my throat and I start to cough. And then my neighbours the other side, who both sit on an outdoor three piece suite settee, on their phones, with their blue tooth speaker which I swear must be the bass enhanced model and plays what sounds to me like the same piece of music on a loop endlessly. I'm sure it isn't but the bass beat is exactly the same. Doof, doof, doof, doof, doof, doof. Something akin to water torture I think. 

I phoned my brother because talking to him usually lightens my mood. And it did. We laughed. I can't remember what we laughed about now but we did and it makes me feel better. We always ask each other what we've been up to! And we still somehow find that funny! He gets sad and lonely in the evening. Especially the lighter evenings. He says that in the winter when it gets dark earlier it doesn't seem so bad because like me it never feels right to have the TV on when it's light outside! That must be a genetic thing! 😂 We stated all the things we'd both been doing to pass the time and I mentioned that I do a lot of pottering and faffing. He said he'd pottered but not faffed! We agreed that a good name for a folk duo would be Potter and Faff. Or Faff and Potter. 

The Government reckons children and teachers will be safe if/when the schools reopen. I heard someone express their concern about this saying that since many schools can't cope with an outbreaks of nits so how would they deal with an outbreak of Covid-19? I found this funny. I'm not sure I was supposed to. 

I looked up some stats for my area - 

There are 352 confirmed cases out of a local population of 182,463
 There were 118 coronavirus-related deaths up to the 1 May. In this area 24% of all deaths involved coronavirus between 29 Feb and 1 May.
I'm not sure if that's good or bad. The confirmed cases are surely only from people who have been tested. So there could be many more than that. Which just goes to show that statistics only have a limited use. Much like myself. I bid you good day.

Saturday 16 May 2020

Day Sixty Two - We're Getting It All Wrong

No walk today. I'm very out of sorts. 😟 So I had a 'lay in' which basically meant I didn't have breakfast until about 7.00am this morning!! I did some laundry and read for much of the day. But I did finish watching a video my friend sent me. It is mind blowing. It is so plausible and potentially explains so much not just about this pandemic but about viruses in general.  However unless people watch it and listen to it and heed what is said we aren't going to make much progress. So I found it upsetting as well as informative. I urge you to give it a watch and share on whatever platforms you use if you feel it is as worthwhile as I do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=5RAtFBvKrVw&app=desktop

I have strawberries today. My friends picked some up on their supermarket jaunt and have just dropped them off and we had a socially distanced exchange; them at the gate, me at the door. That's made me feel better,  a real conversation with real people !

The infection rate has gone up in the UK according to the news yesterday. Is that a result of lockdown easing? I'm confused by all the figures and statistics. I think that's the intention sometimes. But it's of concern because it suggests the virus will start spreading rapidly.

And in spite of that news there have been rallies in the UK to protest against what some people see as an 'unlawful lockdown'. So there were hundreds of people in Hyde Park, no social distancing or face masks and the police poorly underprotected with PPE, some had gloves, had to try and maintain order. Apparently similar events were staged across the UK with varying degrees of success, depending on what you see as success. It seems that there is a divide between  people who see coronavirus  as a real and potent threat to themselves and their families and those who see it as a 'fake virus' and an infringement of civil liberties. It's a buggers muddle for sure. And there's a shit storm erupting over the attempts to reopen schools. Again there's a divide; some parents want the schools to open, others don't. The Government advise socially distanced schooling. With kids? How do you implement that? And everywhere people are offering their opinions as facts. It's tiring. There are no finite answers but people want definition. I don't think it's possible.

No wonder I'm out of sorts.


Friday 15 May 2020

Day Sixty-One - Nothin' to Say

I suppose it was inevitable. It was bound to happen eventually. But I have nothing to say today. I could write again about my walk, what I was listening to blah blah blah but all of a sudden it seems so pointless and futile. I've certainly plummeted downwards in terms of my mood. Seems to me the rest of the world is ready to emerge from this lockdown and get back to normal life. I feel I'm going to be left behind because I'm not. I was discussing my lack of strawberries on the phone to a friend who said why don't you go to the shop and get some? It's quite safe. I wish I had that certainty. Because I don't feel safe. People are unpredictable. Maybe the threat of the virus has decreased and I'm all wrong. But what if it hasn't and these people who are behaving with less consideration are putting themselves and others at risk. I have this horrible sense that before we know it there will be a second wave. 

So I'm not going to go on and on. I'll leave it here for today. Maybe I'll feel I have something to say tomorrow.

Thursday 14 May 2020

Day Sixty - Favourite Author, Stalker and Ironing

I have to say I think I've been a bit premature in preparing my house for summer. It's been bloody cold today and it wasn't much better yesterday. Even put the heating on this morning after I got back from my walk. I feared that once I had cooled down from the walk I would feel very cold. There was a sense of déjà vu as I walked this morning. No later than usual but there were more people about. Several people were en route to the station as they returned to work. But there were more walkers and more joggers about and as ever it was me who led the way in social distancing. Me, an older lady, who had to walk the rough and uneven grass verges walking in the road, changing my route and direction because other people didn't seem to believe that social distancing was necessary. I still feel sometimes though that it's me being pedantic?  But the way I look at it,  particularly for joggers, is that they are often breathing hard, breathing through their mouth so there's got to be some expulsion of vapour, potentially vapour containing the virus? Little unnerved this morning. There's a guy who walks a dog. I see him most days. Sometimes he's a waver. But I got the weird impression that he was following me this morning. I was making an effort to social distance and get out of his way but every time I looked he seem to be heading in my direction. I have to keep an eye on it. Lord knows I may be starved of human company but I don't need a stalker! 

Do you know what struck me? Particularly when I'm out walking and when I'm working in my study  looking out of the window and that is the total number of people jogging. It wasn't like this before lockdown. Have all these people taken up jogging for the lockdown, purely so they can do their essential exercise? Or is it just the concentration of people all seeming to go out at similar times. I've no idea. I just throw these questions out there because it's something that's intriguing me.

You know what? My author friend phoned me back last night! I was delighted. We had a 20 minute conversation which was most uplifting. Because I think she is such a wonderful writer I have her on a pedestal. I worry that I am no more than a nuisance- an irritating nuisance -  and she is simply being kind to me. I won't embarrass her by naming her.  Not that I think that she will read this blog but because I respect her so much. She calls me her "ideal reader" which is very flattering. In fact when the paperback edition of her most recent novel was published the publishers included a quote from the review I wrote and printed it inside. She says that it's still the quote she cherishes the most. I was quite choked when she told me that. But what was so interesting in talking to her is her optimism and upbeat attitude towards this pandemic situation in spite of her understanding what a serious situation it is. I hope we can chat again in the future since I have no idea if and when we will ever be able to meet in person again. I'm still miffed that we had to miss the Van Gogh Experience in April. She had treated me to the ticket too which was so kind. I hope they refunded her.

Here is something else that this lockdown has provoked! I've done ironing now for the second time this year! It's something I've chosen to avoid over the years. Because standing up is not the most comfortable state for me these days. And I'll level with you I sometimes wear things that would've looked much better had I ironed them. Of course contrary little wotsit that I am, I'm ironing things now when no one is going to see them creased or uncreased! But that's a little misleading for today I ironed all my…...tea towels! I tidied out the tea towel drawer and I've systematically been putting laundered tea towels in the ironing basket instead of back to the drawer. So now I have a beautifully tidy drawer full of lovely, ironed tea towels. I feel quite good about it. 

I haven't looked at the news today. I don't know what's happening in the world. I don't know what progress has been made in regard to coronavirus. I don't know what manner of faux pas the PM and the government have made today. And I don't care. 

This is the sixtieth day of this blog. SIXTY DAYS!! Sixty days of my life dictated by a venomous, little bug. Of all the sci fi and dystopian books I've read I never anticipated this........ And I still can't imagine how it will end. I feel we've a long, hard road ahead........

Wednesday 13 May 2020

Day Fifty-Nine - Phone Calls, Sort Outs and Vegetable Casseroles

Oooops, no walk this morning. I slept poorly and the gardening I did yesterday, such as it was, took its toll. I did the grown up thing and stayed home. Instead I did a chair yoga session in the lounge. I then had a sort out day. As it was refuse collection day I sorted out a whole load of magazines that I'd been hanging on to knowing full well I probably wouldn't look at them again. It's cleared a good space in the cupboard. I then sorted through a plastic bag of receipts that I'd been 'keeping for your records' as instructed! I don't want to be one of those old ladies who, when they die, are found to have carrier bags full of old receipts going back donkey's years. To be fair I generally do it at least annually. It never ceases to surprise me how they mount up. I kept all this years and shredded the rest.
I sorted through a whole load of miscellaneous bits I'd saved for reasons that I'm sure made perfect sense at the time but I can't for the life of me think why, now! I'm quite pleased with the tidiness and order it's brought me. Here's the silly thing. I could and should have down this any time. I don't actually need lockdown for a rampant virus to give me the go ahead. and yet it somehow seems all tied up with it.

It was my organic fruit and veg delivery day today, too. Wednesdays are a hive of activity! I made a vegetable casserole with lots of today's produce. I had a portion for lunch and there's a great big pot of it left that looks like it'll last me for the rest of my life! But, as my brother said, knowing my appetite it'll do me for couple of days! He phoned me this afternoon. He is a victim of Boris's confusing lockdown easing instructions. He thinks he can go out as much as he likes now. I did emphasise that he can go out for unlimited EXERCISE only.

I also had a phone call from one of my old school friends. I had to chuckle because she made an appointment to phone me earlier in the week. She thought it would be nice if we had a phone chat and was I free Wednesday at 12.00 or 2.00. I said 2.00. I'll put it on the calendar, which I thought was hilarious since there's little to put on a calendar. when you're in lockdown. But it is a sign of our digital age and how we communicate, that rather than pick up the phone on the off chance and call, it becomes an arranged event. Maybe it's me but there's something kinda sad about that? Different if it's an international call and you're juggling time zones but time was when you just gave someone a ring.

Since I was in 'phone mood' I plucked up the courage to give my author friend a call. We had discussed it vaguely when messaging. She said I was welcome to call. I worry about disturbing her so it's taken me a long time to summon the nerve. But when I finally did it went straight to voice mail!! I'll take that as a sign.

Sometimes I think this virus originates from a higher plane. The world has seen floods, fires, swarms of locusts and now a deadly plague - it all sounds very biblical. I also wonder if it is nature's way of controlling population?

Good news? Yes. My uncle, Pat's twin brother, also in a care home as he has dementia has tested negative for coronavirus.

I've noticed a stange thing that has happened recently with both my blogs and I'm not sure how  to cure it. When I load the blog on iPad the posts diminish in size gradually until it is very small and hard to read. It seems to be to do with the twitter feed I embedded into the blogs a few weeks ago. It doesn't happen when I open them on my lap top and or view the mobile edition on my iPhone. I apologise if it has affected anyone who reads it. There aren't many people now and I hope that isn't why they've stopped reading. Common sense says it has to be to do with the device rather than the blogger software or the lap top would be similarly affected? Unless it's a browser issue? If it continues I guess I'll try deleting the twitter feed.




Tuesday 12 May 2020

Day Fifty-Eight - Air Quality, Tennis and Second Waves

Statistics seem to indicate that with the decrease in flights and car travel the quality of the air has improved. I was wondering if that is hard to detect with the human nose! This morning while I was walking I was very aware that I could smell cigarette smoke. It was potent. I was outdoors too! There was someone, going to work, on their way to the station probably, smoking. They weren't particularly close to me but I could smell it. And it made me wonder whether when pollutants are hitting the air now they are stronger to the human nose? I wonder if that's why the smell of my neighbour's barbecue seems so much more intense than has been apparent before? Previously I've always found the early morning air smells purer and fresher. Once the traffic starts up it's tainted with the lead and petrol fumes. I wonder how the CO2 emission statistics will figure when this lockdown ends. Globally there must be an improvement in air quality. I imagine there will be lobbying to continue this trend. I don't know how that will pan out. Will people return to using their vehicles as they did B.C.? Will people start flying internationally as they did before? It will be interesting to see how people's habits have changed.

Once we hit spring and summer and I can safely turn the central heating off I make a few changes in my home. That's because during the winter when it's cold I keep the radiators clear of any furnishings so that I can get maximum heat from them. It's not an issue in the summer. So in my lounge one of the settees gets moved against the radiator. I much prefer it being like this. It seems to open the room up more. It's more spacious, light and airy. I do the same in my study, and move a divan against the radiator and again it opens the room up. I used to change my bed and put that against the radiator but the bed is way too heavy for me to move now so it stays in the same place. And if truth be told it brings back horrible memories of when the nerve compressed in my back and I was in such pain so it's probably a good thing to keep my bed in the same place all year round. That's what I've been doing the last couple of days. Very slowly and steadily because I'm aware that the moment I start hurtling head long into physical activity I start to hurt all over again and then I have to leave it days before I can do anything worthwhile. I may have overdone it today. I started to do some stuff in the garden as well and I could feel the pain start. I suppose the reason I'm going into all this detail is to identify is that perhaps because of the lockdown I can allow myself time to try and heal without stressing that I've got lots I must do.

Something I'm really going to miss this summer is the tennis. Round about now I start to get excited about the French Open at Roland Garros in Paris -  the conclusion of the clay-court season. Then the grasscourt season starts. It's a very short season that ends with the Wimbledon Championships. It's something of a joke amongst my friends who know full well to leave me completely alone during Wimbledon fortnight. I've often found myself conflicted, though, because when the weather is beautiful and all I'm doing is sitting front of the TV watching tennis there's part of me that thinks it's wrong to do that. Every year I tell myself I'm just going to watch a bit now and again, make sure I do other things, go outside, get fresh air, get exercise. But it never works out, I find myself drawn. So it's going to be very interesting this summer to see how I spend that time.

Every day there is a coronavirus briefing from the government. I generally tend to avoid it. But yesterday I tuned in to see if there was any further clarification on the Prime Minister's comments from the evening before. I have to say I was quite shocked by how inarticulate Boris Johnson is. And politicians never seem to be able to answer questions directly. I feel a little bit sorry for anybody in the position of leadership. Because they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. People wanted some kind of lockdown plan, some kind of timescale. But how do you deliver that effectively when you don't really know what you're dealing with? There is still so much about this virus That we don't know. And we can see from what's happening in other countries that it's not straightforward.  Wuhan, for example, after lifting the lockdown are starting to show an intense second wave of infection. And apparently in Germany is reporting an increase in new infections. And in truth, I am not at all surprised. And I believe the same thing will happen here. Which is why I'm sticking to the initial lockdown protocols.

I had to chuckle to myself for there was a report on the BBC about people complaining about the noise from the neighbours during lockdown. Apparently several councils in the UK have  reported a rise in noise complaints. Frankly, if it's anything like round here it's not surprising.

Monday 11 May 2020

Day Fifty Seven - White Lines, Soundtracks and Missing Siblings

Much fallout after last night's vague mutterings of lockdown easing. Further confusion this morning as Dominic Raab tried to offer more detail. Common sense was cited! Common sense? This nation can be petulant and immature and these new guidelines will be exploited and misinterpreted. Already authorities are concerned that people will start flocking to beauty spots. Maybe it's a good thing the the good weather has broken. It's colder and windy today. But the real problem is that people do not or will not really understand social distancing. 2 meters is surely the minimum? And they've changed their mind so many bloody times about how far the virus can travel, whether it can survive indoors, outdoors, in the cold in the heat, what surfaces it stays live on. Sometimes I think they just make it up to fit whatever they're currently saying. And I think the truth is no one actually knows for sure. This is a mutating virus. They don't actually know of its origin. If it is a human engineered virus goodness only knows what it's capable of doing. Sorry I'm ranting. It serves no purpose. I'm quite clear. I'm in lockdown. I will exercise once a day. I will have everything delivered. I will try not to go anywhere near anyone else for a good while yet.

They painted the white lines on the road outside today. I say today I'm not actually sure. I only noticed it today. But how come I didn't see or hear them do it? The noise the vehicle makes, and I can vouch for that because they returned later to finish the job off, is very noticeable. All I can think is that they must've done it while I was out for my walk! But that was pretty early.

I was slightly concerned that with the new relaxation of exercising rules there might be an increase in people out this morning because there is now unlimited exercise, morning noon and night if you like, I guess. But in fact there were even less people today. One jogger who crept up behind me and didn't social distance just skirted round me because I was in his way, bitch that I am, two of my "wavers" and a dog walker. I feel I need to change my route a bit because the body can get too used to the same thing every day so I need to maybe try and extend things a bit further. I'm tempted to try and go down the hill to the station and then up again which I used to jog back in the day but it's quite an incline.

We've had an update on Auntie Pat. She's out of isolation and back in her own room but still being nursed in bed. She is eating a little and has been prescribed supplements to help her get stronger. She is now talking with the staff but we're not sure how lucid she is. She is not able to make or receive phone calls. My cousin suggested we maybe send her some cards reminding her we can't visit her at the moment in case she wonders why no one has come to see her. It's going to be a slow job. But as news goes it's not bad news.

Yesterday whilst walking I listened to the soundtrack of A Star is Born, the most recent one with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. Interesting example of an actor turning singer/rockmusician. And then today I listened to the Begin Again soundtrack which was a fine example of a singer, Adam Levine from Maroon 5, turning actor! Then of course in that film  Keira Knightley an actress turning into a singer! Are they all completely dissatisfied with their initial chosen roles? I suppose in those kind of industries you can do that quite easily. There is a lot of jobs you couldn't. I mean for example a window cleaner couldn't decide to become a brain surgeon. Well I guess they could but it wouldn't be easy!

Last couple of days I've gone back to gently trying to do some more housework. It doesn't do me any good to overdo it and find I can't do very much for a few days. It's not good at the best of times but at the moment it really affects my mental health and self-esteem adversely. So I'm setting myself limits. I've got the spare room sorted out nicely now. It had become a bit of a dumping ground. And it looks really messy and I think that messes up your head too. But I get very frustrated because I can't move furniture out as I would like to to Hoover behind and underneath stuff. I have to just be contented with what I can actually do. Made me feel a bit sad too. Sometimes my brother or my sister come and stay. They sleep in the spare room. And it made me think of those times when I'd strive to get the room ready and welcoming for them. Sometimes the desire to see them is overwhelming and I end up in tears. Because I truly don't know when I will see them again. I phoned my brother this morning and talk to him. That always makes me feel better. Hearing his voice makes him seem closer. And my sister and I had a text message exchange. She's really got into online grocery shopping during this lockdown. She had a Sainsbury's delivery last week, she wasn't very impressed with that. She had an Oddbox delivery which she was very pleased with. And today she had a Co-op delivery. Which she thought was very good because they even delivered on a bicycle! How green can you get? Trouble is the Co-op deliveries are only operating in certain areas. And my area isn't one of them. Or I'd give them a try. I'm desperate for strawberries. I've only got frozen. They really don't taste the same. But sometimes I think it does you good to go without something you want. It's character building. You realise those things you thought you couldn't do without, you can quite easily.

Sunday 10 May 2020

Day Fifty-Six - Bluster, Slogans and Boris

The beautiful, sun kissed weather of the last few days has given way to a dull, windy, Sunday afternoon. As I look out of my study window I can see some limp  V.E. Day bunting forlornly juddering in the wind. I wonder how long the bunting will remain in place? I can imagine some people leaving it up for Christmas! Christmas?! Who knows what the state of the nation, the state of the world will be by Christmas?

The best part of the day was definitely first thing. I was up walking before six and I barely passed another person today. I think the people who set out to do their "essential" exercise on a daily basis at the start of the lockdown seem to have fallen by the wayside. Each day there seems to be less people out early. Or maybe they decided to mark the Bank Holiday with a little longer in bed. Whatever the reason it was a very solitary walk. I returned to spend a couple of hours sitting in the garden; breakfasting, coffeeing, reading. The tabby cat came to visit again, smiling. The squirrel skittered across the fence, wary of me.The wood pigeons looked at me, grateful for the water in the bird bath and the peanuts I put down for them. I know a lot of people find the pigeons irritating. Their noise,  they find disturbing. I don't. I love the sound. It reminds me of summer when I was a child. I still have an enduring memory of waking in my childhood bedroom that I shared with my younger sister. We had pink and white regency striped curtains at the window. On this particular morning the sun was shining in through the stripes and I can remember feeling a frisson of excitement because it was a sunny day. It was the school holidays.And the pigeons cooed. I hear them now and that time comes flooding back to me. And in the midst of this pandemic panic the pigeons coo and I'm a child again.

My friends took advantage of the nursery and garden centres opening to pick up some plants for their tubs and hanging baskets. But, best of all, they picked up some potting compost and topsoil for me. I can do do a little more in the garden and repot some neglected houseplants. The Thompson and Morgan fiasco continues. They reckon they will send the compost out by the end of May now but cannot shed any light on why I cannot see my order online. I wait with bated breath!! In truth though I don't want to be too unreasonable. Companies are up against it at the moment. With decreased staff and decreased stocks it must be very hard to keep up with the demand. But my query was more about why I couldn't chart the progress of my order online. Yes, I wanted the compost. But if I could've seen what was happening online I might not have bothered getting in touch with them.

The government have issued a new - slogan - for want of a better word.


I'm bewildered. I'm staying home as per instructions  so where does the 'stay alert' come in? Other than to make sure I sanitise anything coming in to the house and social distance myself from the very few callers I now receive. 'Control the virus'? Sorry. I simply do not have the necessary scientific and medical knowledge to do that with any level of efficiency. Rest assured if I could I would have done so a long time ago!! 'Save Lives'? Again, bit beyond my abilities. I understood it more when I was following the 'Stay Home' directive because that related to the 'Protect the NHS' intention. I can only presume that the much heralded 19.00 address to the nation this evening will throw some light on what our PM actually wants us to do.  I already know what I'm going to do. Exactly what I have been doing. I shall stay home. And for once, I don't think I'm in the minority here!! But I will delay the posting of this until I have 'experienced' the address tonight. See what gives. I am not optimistic. 

So I watched the ministerial broadcast. Not something I do habitually. I'm not in favour of pornography! But I thought I should make sure I am completely in the loop this time. So I watched it.  Am I in the loop? No. I found the speech vague and waffly. That's not me being politically critical. I didn't feel that the points were made cleanly. But I will have a go at summarising. People who can't work from home should try and go back to work on Monday. But they should observe social distancing and avoid public transport. Don't go by car if it can be avoided - alternatively cycle or walk. We can take unlimited outdoor exercise. Drive to places.Sit on park benches. That's exercise? You can play sports too but only with members of your household. I will sit back and wait for the exploitation and abuse of that easing. Some pupils could return to school in June - Reception, Year 1and Year 6 . Secondary school pupils facing exams should get some time with their teachers. And in July at the earliest some opening within the hospitality industry and public places with social distancing. It was stressed that this is all conditional. The reproduction rate of the virus - R - must be kept down. No change for me as I implied earlier. I will remain in complete lockdown. I doubt I will take any more exercise. However it does occur to me that if the sunny weather returns and the noise in my garden becomes too much I could in theory go up to the cliffs with a book and sit on a bench. Whether I will or not remains to be seen. I'll let you know. Thank you and goodnight. 


Saturday 9 May 2020

Day Fifty-Five - Air Travel, Conga and Garden Centres

This is very perverse of me and deep down I probably don't really mean it but if 80% of us are supposed to contract this virus at some point (and I hardly think I'm going to be in the 20% who don't) then would it be better it have it now and get it over and done with and stop worrying? That is, I suppose, presuming I have it mildly. There's no guarantee. I am over 65 which means I'm higher risk. But until it's a) eradicated - which is unlikely or b) there is an effective vaccine which is likelier but a long way off is life going to be this constant worry? Am I going to stop being too scared to go out?

I've been really  down this weekend. I think because of the beautiful weather where my normal state is to be outside I find I'm constantly coming indoors because I can't stand all the various noises and whereas in Life B.C. (Before Coronavirus) I'd have taken my self out somewhere to escape it; round to a friend or up to the cliffs or the Library Gardens. But I'm stuffed right now. Although the lockdown rules state quite clearly no visits from friends or family my next door neighbours continue to have a steady stream of visitors daily. They sit in the garden, socially distanced, or they sit outside the patio doors and the conversations are shouted. You can hear every word. But I don't want to hear their conversation. Am I the one who is wrong? Am I just a miserable, lonely old lady? I have to change my mindset or it's going to be a hard, long, summer.

Lot of hoohha on social  media about the 14 day quarantine for air travellers to the UK. Lots of people saying it should have been implemented weeks ago and others saying it will kill international travel and have repercussions for the travel and tourism industries. Bit of a tough one that. But on the other hand if people are dead from the virus they can't go travelling anywhere can they?

School unions are insisting that until track and trace goes national it isn't safe for pupils to return to their desks. They are requesting other additional measures, too, like deep cleansing and PPE. Interesting to see what transpires there. But Garden Centres look likely to reopen next week. Not official like many of these things, but from a 'senior government source'. But of course numbers must be controlled to maintain social distancing.

Some fall out from the V.E. Day celebration and parties. Pictures from two places in particular, Cosham, Portsmouth where the BBC filmed people supposedly socially distanced -

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/cosham-street-party-bbc-live-social-distancing-a4436171.html

Have a look and see what you think. People were quick to defend it saying that perspectives on camera can be misleading. There was also uproar at a group in Warrington doing a socially distanced conga.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/grappenhall-conga-social-distancing-warrington-ve-day-a4436201.html

Normally I'm the first to criticise but I thought there was an effort to keep the 2m distance, bearing in mind that family groups don't social distance. But both Cobham and Warrington have received severe criticism on social media.

We've had no updates on Auntie Pat. My sister and I were conjecturing whether my cousin has phoned the Home but the Home aren't offering much information. Or that my cousin has phoned the Home who have updated her but my other cousin who does the email hasn't updated us yet.  We don't want to keep on asking and make nuisances of ourselves. I'm still 'no news is good newsing'.

I may blog later tomorrow after I've heard what the PM has to say about easing the lockdown. Never let it be said that I'm not current or up to date.

In Conclusion

I saw this lateral flow test dropped in an adjacent street on my early morning walk the morning before last. It is possible it fell out of a...