Day Fifty-Two - Prescriptions, Lockdown and Birthday Greetings

I kept to my plan so I didn't go out for an early walk this morning. I coincided it with my trip to pick up my 'scrip. I can't believe the level of anxiety I was experiencing at having to go out, well, 'out out'! Ridiculous. What did I think was going to happen? I was going to be rained on by droplets of coronavirus and immediately hospitalised in the ICU? I am so angry with myself for succumbing so thoroughly to this conditioning. Once the deed was done and I was back home I felt so much better than I had before.

I walked a different route. It was weird. The guy who owns the corner shop was opening up and we exchanged a cheery hello. I haven't been in the shop for weeks and there he was as if nothing had changed. The amount of bunting across the street was lovely. It was very cheery and I felt sad that my end of the road has done nothing. So much so that I was unaware of just how much trouble people have gone to. Someone on social media was bitching about how VE day has never been celebrated like this before. I refrained from trolling! We've never been in lockdown in  the midst of a pandemic before. People need something to lift their spirits and take their mind off things. Also there's a tenuous parallel between the war and the state we're in now. Or is that just me? The need to pull together and to make the best of bad job? There were lots of people about compared to my last foray into town. It was later in the morning and it was dry too. I had to walk in the road several times to avoid people. The pharmacy was shuttered when I arrived. I thought I might venture round to the greengrocers and get some strawberries but there was a queue, not distanced terribly well either. So I queued by the chemist. They opened just after 9 and I was the only one there so I just went in, picked up the prescription and left. I walked the long way back through the Library Garden and my beloved cliffs so I could see the sea.

I mentioned yesterday about my sister's birthday. She was thrilled with the musical card and said it made her laugh out loud. Job done then. She was also very pleased with the album. I was a bit worried in case she might have already bought it for herself but she hadn't. We had an hour long talk on the phone about this and that. Lots about people who never have understood the gravity of the covid-19 situation. People who cannot see beyond their own selves. It's about everybody's health. As a 'treat' she got up really early and drove to the land around Wormwood Scrubs for a walk. She said it was beautiful and she watched the mist rising from the ground. She treated herself to some smoked salmon for breakfast. You have to try and make the day special even if you're locked down alone. One friend had already phoned her and she was expecting a call from another. My brother will phone so I think there was enough in the day to make it different if not actually special.

There is so much speculation about the easing of lockdown that people are getting confused. I think there are some people who think things have already eased!! But it seems that the PM is urging caution. Scotland apparently has extended its lockdown. The way I feel at the moment I shall continue my lockdown life. Not because I want to but because I feel that it's the right thing to do for me. I've got to deal with this conditioning and anxiety that going among people is causing me and I don't think I can do it overnight.  Anyway I'm jumping  the gun because we don't know what is going to be said yet.

But it's interesting for there is a hashtag trending on Twitter - #KeepTheLockdown - There are many who seem to be feeling like me. Unless it's all propaganda. Sometimes I get confused by what is real and what isn't. Sometimes I worry that we are all pawns in an elaborate global game. and only a few know the rules......