In Conclusion

I saw this lateral flow test dropped in an adjacent street on my early morning walk the morning before last. It is possible it fell out of a trolley collected bin bag during the weekly refuge collections. I hope that’s the reason. Otherwise it means somebody has just dropped it in the street and they clearly have Covid. Somehow it seems to sum up an entire mood and attitude of the country I’m living in.

 It’s the end of another year. If you told me this time last year that we would still be in the position we’re in with infection rates higher than ever I wouldn’t have believed you. Even so, I see no purpose in continuing this blog. A lot of my opinions haven’t changed. And the point of it was to see what changes the pandemic and lockdowns might have on my friends and family and myself. But reading through the entries I think that’s been achieved. So this will be the last post in this blog. I’m not going to delete the blog. For I think it stands as a record of one of the most unprecedented times I’ve lived through.

It’s been a time of unrest and unhappiness. I’ve lost an aunt and uncle, a friend and neighbour of over 40 years, I’ve learnt of the deaths of acquaintances and acquaintances’ family members. Even as I write this one of my closest friends is testing daily as her partner is positive and her son tested positive today. It’s caused a kind of Civil War within the country itself. There are still hordes of antivaxxers , refuseniks and Covid deniers. And the vitriol on social media between the two opposing factions is quite distressing to read. And I’m tired of it all. I’m so weary of living this non-life. I’ve learnt how very alone I am.

Is there a plus side? I’ve witnessed the most beautiful sunrises and early morning skies. I’ve picked more blackberries in the last 12 months than I have in the last 12 years. But that seems a small compensation for all that I feel I’ve lost. However it’s too easy to be negative and pessimistic. Life is what you make it. I know I have been, possibly, overcautious about all of this. I think that comes from being alone. I have been fearful and anxious. But that’s my nature. I promise myself and everybody else that when the infection rates come down I will start venturing forth, going further afield.

To anyone who has read  this read this blog, thank you. It’s obvious that my enthusiasm for it has waned since this is the first entry in over six months but it seemed to me I was just getting repetitive. Someone said to me recently that in the very early days of the first lockdown it was all a novelty and we coped with it all so much better because it was a novelty. And I think the writing of this blog had a certain novelty value to it. The novelty has worn off. But it remains a record of this time in my life and yours too.