The yarn bomb lady has been at it again. This time it’s for Saint Georges day. I’m wondering if she has them planned or whether she does them really quickly. She can’t have had the Duke of Edinburgh planned as she didn’t know he was going to die. Or maybe she hedged her bets that at 99 perhaps he couldn’t  go on much longer.

Not a good week. I finished the antibiotics for the tonsillitis. And a few days later my bladder flares up again. More blood. Not as much as last time. But the doctor said if there was any more blood I should get in touch. So I did. Another urine sample to the surgery and another swab test. I expressed a concern for the amount of antibiotics I’ve had in the last six months which the doctor agreed about. However later in the day I got a text from them saying I have an infection and I need to go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. I go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. But the antibiotic she selected for me is not in stock. So I have to wait now until the pharmacist gets it in and he’s going to try and deliver it tomorrow if it comes in in time. Otherwise it will be another trip up there. Not only do I have a season ticket for the doctors and nurse consultations I also have a season ticket for the pharmacy. I’m sick and tired of it. I just don’t know how to get myself well. If healthy eating and plenty of exercise don’t work. Then what the hell does? On the way back from the abortive trip to the pharmacist I went into the corner shop and bought a packet of digestive biscuits. So there.

It’s a shame because the week started off quite pleasantly. My friend took me on a trip to the nursery. She wanted to get some vegetables for her grandchildren to grow. It was a very successful project last year. I jumped at the chance of a trip out. I sit in the back of the car with my mask on, she sits in the front and opens the windows so we are pretty well ventilated. I bought some Lobelia; normally mine self seed year after year but because of the snow and the cold I’ve none this year. I also bought some insurance sweet peas. Insurance? Well, I’ve grown some from seed but in case they don’t make it I’ve got these so that I’m fairly sure I will have some for the summer. 

I also had my trip to the dentist. And they tried their hardest to make it as Covid safe as they possibly could. They already phoned me as a courtesy to do a risk assessment and put my mind at rest. I arrived I suppose about a minute or two before my appointment, knocked on the door and they unlock it and let you in. Before you can go anywhere you have to put a hat on over your hair and gloves on, then you go straight up to the surgery because they’re not using the waiting rooms. The dentist was all PPE up with a Perspex visor on. He did my checkup at the same time as mending the tooth. Cost me 60 quid which I wasn’t impressed about but it’s done. I feel reasonably safe. But of course the dentist has to put his fingers in your mouth which seems to me to be really risky. He had gloves on but I’ve no idea what he might have touched. 

Not really done anything else except race around to surgeries and pharmacies. And sat about feeling sorry for myself. Downing paracetamol like they are Smarties because I have back pain and tummy pain from this infection. Drinking loads of water to to see if I can’t flush my bladder clean. At least I know from the scan that there was no cancer in the bladder. 

It certainly all takes your mind off Covid. Although having said that I did another one of my home lateral flow tests. Negative. I hope to be in a better frame of mind and a better state of health by next weeks post.
 

 I went to the corner shop this week! It’s the first time in over a year that I’ve been in there. I didn’t go for my early walk, I went later and the notion came into my head whilst walking and it just wouldn’t leave. So I did it. There was no one else in the shop. The cashier was properly masked up. It wasn’t that I especially needed to buy anything so I came out with - chocolate, crisps and bread. All naughties. Somehow it seemed like a hurdle had been jumped. 

My sister came down for a visit yesterday. I haven’t seen her for months so it was quite emotionally  charged. We went to the cemetery. After my Mum died we had her ashes interred in the grave of her parents. It was a costly venture so we have been conscientious about keeping the plot maintained. However that was difficult during a pandemic! One time my sister came down and we did go to the grave but we did nothing other than look. This time we went armed with buckets, detergent and cloths to give it a much needed spruce up. 

After that we went to a garden centre. Although the car park looked crowded the size of the complex meant that people were pretty well spaced out and it was relatively easy to avoid those people who still haven’t heard about social distancing. The tills were the most perilous thing to negotiate. Although there were markers on the floor (I don’t believe they were two metres apart though) it was too difficult for some people to do. 

We spent a lot of time in my garden but we also did an extended cliff top walk where I showed my sister my silly little landmarks and we explored some ‘secret’ paths. My sister had brought her SLR camera with her and took some wonderful shots both in my garden and while we were out. This photo of a nesting tit was in my neighbours garden, many metres away.

It was a lovely day and she arrived earlier than I thought she would and stayed longer than I thought she would and, indeed, than she intended to but it was such a pleasant time neither of us wanted it to end. And my brother phoned so we had a three way chat via speakerphone as if we were all together. 

Not being used to having company for so long, or going out and about so much I was sooo tired! I tried to have a lay in this morning. I didn’t go for my walk. In fact I haven’t left the house today but it doesn’t matter. I’ve pottered. 

I’ve nearly finished my antibiotics and although the inflammation on the tonsil has gone I still have a vaguely sore throat. Of course as there are still no face to face examinations as standard the tonsillitis diagnosis has never been confirmed. I’m just hoping things don’t follow the same pattern as last time where I was weeks with a sore throat and recurrent tonsil inflammation. It’s being such an optimist that keeps me going.

Walloping Cods

 Two blog posts in one week?! I can hear your sharp intake of breath. But I saw something in the news that just drove me to commit my thoughts in some form or other.

‘ Boris Johnson has warned that the reduction in coronavirus infections, hospitalisations and deaths "has not been achieved" by the rollout of COVID vaccines.

The prime minister, speaking the day after the latest easing of lockdown restrictions, instead said it was the national shutdown that had been "overwhelmingly important" in driving down COVIDrates.’

This was from Sky News. And I challenge it unreservedly.

If the reduction in coronavirus infections were achieved by lockdown we would’ve reduced the infection rate months and months ago. Lockdown might work if it were observed properly by the majority of the population but it isn’t. It seems to me that there are various categories of lockdown “compliance“.

• People who follow the guidelines to the absolute letter as far as possible. (I’m in that category.)
• People who wilfully manipulate the guidelines to suit their own circumstances and desires.
• People who manipulate the guidelines to their own ends because they don’t actually understand the guidelines fully or have trouble interpreting them.
• People who are not complying out of sheer ignorance.
• And then you have the Covid deniers, anti vaxers and refuseniks who would thwart any directive given to them because no one is going to tell them what to do. And they didn’t vote Tory anyway so why should they do what they say. Blah blah blah.

And if I’m not mistaken infection rates started to drop before the easing of lockdown began. So I would say that is purely due to the vaccine rollout. And it’s because lockdowns haven’t worked that we have to rely on vaccines. I am incredibly sceptical and cynical about the vaccines. They’ve not been around long enough to be properly tested. The long-term effects can in no way be known. But where you’ve got a population that simply won’t do as they’re told you’ve got to have some way out and vaccine is the only way as I see it. Unless you live in a country like New Zealand of course. 23 deaths in total from Covid! I know you can’t make a viable comparison between our two countries. New Zealand were able to close their borders because they are a self-sufficient country. Our country is not self-sufficient and closing the borders would have meant an imposed starvation because we don’t produce enough food to feed our population. But national compliance went a long way to make New Zealand a bastion of Covid excellence.

Okay. So I guess this is more of a rant than a blog post. But I needed to get it off my chest.

What a Week......

 Pre-Covid and lockdown I don’t suppose it would have been a week of note at all but in this seriously diminished life we are leading it’s been........quite a week.

Firstly I broke a tooth. I was horrified because I knew it meant contacting the dentist. And of anywhere to go the dentist seems to me to be one of the most risky because the Dentist has to get so close to do what he needs to do.  But it’s not causing me serious pain and it’s not affecting my sleep and my eating so it’s not considered an emergency and they can’t do anything until the 26th of April.

Then my dear friend started coughing up blood on Friday. She was worried enough to phone the doctor right away. The doctor wanted to send her to the hospital for an urgent chest x-ray but she’s only recently had a CT scan. So they told her they would phone her back. They asked to come into the surgery for an examination. I offered to walk down there with her and to my surprise she accepted. So I knew she was worried. We were a little early so we waited outside the surgery leaning against the railings. A lady came out of the surgery and started to talk to my friend. I thought that they knew each other but that was not the case. To my mind she was much too close. So I moved a little further away. Then I realised my friend was thinking exactly the same thing and she quite pointedly put a face mask on but the woman was undeterred. I could see my friend  edging away. And then as the woman took her leave she actually touched my friend! She wasn’t a young woman, possibly older than either of us. And I suppose there’s a part of me that’s not surprised when I consider statistics and how ignorant and unaware people are of how this virus spreads. 

My friend was in and out very quickly. And the diagnosis was an infection and she’s on antibiotics. My friend has been taking lateral flow tests twice a week. They’ve all come back as negative. But the doctor insisted she take a “proper” Covid test! That’s because the lateral flow tests aren’t always accurate! So what’s the point then? I found it doubly ironic as from Friday all households can have their own lateral flow Covid tests. I sent off for mine. They arrived on Saturday. My friend had her test and it’s come back negative. However they still are insisting she goes for a chest x-ray which she’s having tomorrow.

On the way back we went into a............. supermarket! My friend said she wanted some things. I wasn’t going to go in. I was going to wait outside. But then something in me said, give it a try. So I masked up, wiped down my wire basket with the wipes and sanitiser they had at the doorway and because the store has nice wide aisles it was relatively easy to social distance. It wasn’t a sensible shop. I didn’t know what I wanted but I grabbed a large pack of strawberries and some other random items. It reminded me of the last time I shopped in a supermarket before lockdown where I bought the most ridiculous things in a kind of weird panic. 

I have used one of my home tests already. That’s because my tonsil has flared up again. I got scared it might be Covid. It’s quite alarming this time because not only is the tonsil all red and inflamed but there is a huge lump, all yellow and white on it. So I had to phone the surgery again. Another phone consultation with the nurse. No one actually looked at it. They’ve shoved me on antibiotics again. I was worried it would put my scan in jeopardy but the nurse said keep the appointment because they’re hard to come by. I’m not in a very good place, mentally. Some of the discomfort has eased today but I find I’m really croaky so maybe some of the gunk has run down my throat and is affecting my larynx.I hope it heals soon.

In other news Ryan the Window Cleaner came last week. I’ve given his number to a couple of my walking friends. One of them had got in touch with him and given him a gutter clearing job. He was very pleased and grateful to me for recommending him.

Shops, gyms, hairdressers, pubs, and other places as well I’m sure,  all opening from Monday. I shan’t be going anywhere near. Despite having had the jab I’ve not a lot of confidence in other people.

I had an interesting conversation on Saturday morning. One of the regular walkers, who has an 18 month old sheep dog called Tex, stopped to chat as she often does. It turns out she’s a gardener by trade. I asked her if she was taking on new clients and her face kind of wrinkled up so I thought oh it’s no good. But she explained that she is and she isn’t. Since she’s had the dog she doesn’t like to leave him for more than a couple of hours at a stretch so she’s quite selective about who she works for. But what she likes to do is work and garden alongside people. She said particularly for older people who might be finding it hard to manage their gardens, she does the donkey work and they potter about doing what they like. It sounded very good to me. So we’ve exchanged numbers and if I find the garden hard going I know that there’s someone I can call on. She is called Amanda. I told her she could bring Tex. She can garden and I’ll play with him! I didn’t even ask how much she charges. Somehow it seems immaterial. I didn’t get the feeling that she is a sort of person that would fleece me.

My other walking friend, Sue, has gone down to Somerset for a week. She and her partner, Ian, have bubbled since people were allowed to bubble so it’s more or less within the guidelines. Together they’ve bought a lodge on a holiday let site and they’ve got to go and prepare it for people to come and stay in. They are going to use it themselves but they are hoping that they if let it out to renters that will pay for some of the costs. Interestingly enough it’s not far from the village of Netherstowe which is where my ancestors come from.

I had my scan yesterday. My friend gave me a lift for which I was very grateful as I wouldn’t have relished having to get a taxi. It was a health care centre the other side of town. I’ve never heard of it to be honest. I didn’t even know it was there. But I was quite happy to go somewhere other than the hospital. It’s a very modern building and it was beautifully airy and spacey so there was no social distancing problems at all. The receptionist was very welcoming and I was seen ahead of my appointment time which,  given how full my bladder was after drinking a whole litre in one go, was good news indeed. In fact I was complimented on the fullness of my bladder! Apparently it makes it easier to see all the organs if they can do the scan over a full bladder. They couldn’t find any anomalies anywhere. So that’s an absolute relief. It doesn’t explain the problems I’m having but as it doesn’t seem to be cancer,  from the scan,  that has to be good news.

The knitting lady has been at it again with another lovely yarn bomb.

And Into April We Go.......

 A startling news report today tells of 50% of the UK population not knowing what the main symptoms of COVID-19 are?! That defies belief. And fewer than one in five people request a test when they display symptoms and  the number who thoroughly self isolate after testing remains low. And that is why, my friends, we have been in this situation for over a year. And that is why vaccination would seem to be the only solution. Because at least people who are vaccinated might have some chance against these cock wombles who still aren’t joining the dots.

On one of my walks I saw where they have relocated all the stones from the Covid snake. I’m so pleased they saved them. I couldn’t find mine, alas, maybe it fell by the wayside. But I like what they’ve done with them. 

It didn’t feel in the slightest bit like Easter. Think I may have said a similar thing this time last year! No Easter eggs! Strange day. It was cold and the Sun was shining. Probably too chilly to be outside although my neighbours either side both had people in. In fact my neighbours one side have had visitors in the garden the whole weekend. Till gone midnight on Saturday night,  their laughter kept waking me. I never feel so inclined to go outside now when there are so many people about. I feel so exposed. I have to get over it. Now that my neighbours work from home and they’ve had that awful Home Office built that faces my house I think that contributes to that sense of exposure.But funny how the whole dynamic of something can change. For my friends popped round and sat in the garden with me for an hour or so in the slightly chilly spring sunshine. And they brought me a Lindt chocolate bunny. So I did have some chocolate on Easter Sunday.😃

But the temperatures plummeted and on Easter Monday, believe it or not, we had a sprinkling of snow! It didn’t settle and it didn’t fall for any length of time but nevertheless it seemed a little perverse for an April day to be a snowy day. And the temperatures haven’t really risen much. It’s been very cold in the morning. I remembered to take my camera with me to take some pictures of the glorious blossom that is very evident at the moment.

I didn’t walk at all this morning. I had a really bad night and I could see the frost when I peered through the curtains. I thought I might go out during the day but I haven’t. And the Sun is gone now so it’s not very inviting. I did spend some time outdoors sweeping up the magnolia petals that fall from my neighbours tree. I have to be careful they don’t get soggy and slippery because they’re on the path to the shed. And now I don’t have my garden fellow I have to keep a careful eye on these things.

A third vaccine is now being used in the UK. Moderna, I believe it’s called. There remain some concerns that the Oxford AstraZeneca causes a rare form of blood clotting. I had the Pfizer and so did my brother and sister. But my friend and her partner had the Oxford so I’m a little bit worried. Funny I really wanted the Oxford Astrazeneca vaccine. I don’t know why but now perhaps I’m a little relieved I had the Pfizer although that may have some unpleasant side-effects, too, in the future. The truth is nobody knows what the long-term effects of these vaccines are. They might deal with Covid in the short term but what do they do in the long term?

Will I Keep This Up?

 I mowed the lawn for the first time this week. But I have to pay for it the next day as my back moans as soon as I move the lawnmower out of the shed and it doesn’t let up for a considerable time after that! The GP is finally sending me for a scan. It’s an ultrasound scan and it’s to be on the 13th of April. And I have to drink a whole litre of water one hour before the scan. I can’t say I’m not worried because I am. But what will be will be. The interesting thing is it’s not going to be at the hospital. It’s going to be at another healthcare centre. I was completely ignorant of its existence. But my friend said she’ll take me. And I’ve a feeling that because it’s at a smaller centre the risk of Covid will be less. However, now I should be protected by this vaccine, if indeed it works.

On Monday the ‘stay at home’ rule ended. Although the government advised people to ‘be cautious’! Ha! See that flock of flying pigs!? We can now meet in groups of up to six outdoors in parks and gardens. Or two families can meet. Of course people will interpret ‘families’ in different ways, won’t they? Outdoor sports facilities can open too - golf courses , outdoor swimming pools etc. It will be interesting to see what this does to the infection rates. Pessimist that I am I expect it to rise. People can’t be trusted. 

We’ve had something resembling a mini heatwave. It’s been most pleasant. The mornings up on the cliffs have been quite idyllic. Watching the blossom coming out on the various shrubs in the hedge row has been quite delightful. There were wrens and chaffinches busying about this morning as well as the larger birds like jays and crows. 

The lady who is doing the yarn bombs for the pillar box outside her flat has done one for Easter. 

I will confess to almost forgetting that it was Easter. That’s the problem with lockdown. One day seems very much like another. I say that, though, but it’s a curious thing, for somehow weekends still feel very much like weekends even though I do exactly the same things as I do during the week. I was particularly conscious of this the last Saturday passed. For it felt unmistakably  Saturday. And I couldn’t put my finger on why. I went out for my early walk as usual. I chatted with the other walkers up there as usual. Everything I did that day was as usual. And yet it still felt that it could be no other day but Saturday. One auspicious event this Saturday was the clocks went forward. That always makes me happier. So it’s officially British summer time.

I do make an exception on Sundays though. I try to make things a little bit different. Sundays is always changing the bedding day and I treat myself to a cooked breakfast which I linger over while I listen to a little jazz. Usually Pat Metheny. There is something very “Sundays“ about his style. 

In spite of this pleasant weather we’re having at the moment the weather forecast is quite depressing for the Easter weekend. In fact they’re even sleet showers forecast for the Monday! I struggle to get my head round how it can be 21/22 degrees one day and dipping down to -1 within the space of a few days. It’s very confusing for the plants and the wildlife though not to mention an ageing old pensioner like me!

One of my favourite publishers was advertising a job on social media. Jokingly I responded and said do you take on pensioners? And I put the wink emoticon afterwards.  I got a reply back from one of the staff who said of course! Do you know what? It actually crossed my mind as to whether I should apply. I won’t. At my age it’s absolutely ridiculous. But they’re such a lovely bunch of  people. I went to a couple of the evenings that they hold to promote new titles for the forthcoming year and they invite loads of book bloggers and influencers to come along. I know I’m probably the oldest person there but they bend over backwards to make me feel included and welcome. I come away feeling so uplifted. Obviously they didn’t hold it last year because of Covid. They had an event online via zoom. And they sent a box of proofs and goodies through the post beforehand. Usually when you go they hand you a totebag which you fill up with books throughout the evening as well as helping yourself to all the drinks and nibbles they have. I’m really hoping that this year if things progress positively I might get to go again. If they invite me. Something nice to think about anyway.

Well, lookee here, I’ve done it again!

 Maybe I will try to do a blog post once a week as we enter a new year of lockdown and the Covid world. Yesterday marked a year since our prime minister, Boris Johnson, uttered those chilling words “you must stay at home“. It was called a day of reflection. At midday there was one minutes silence. Then at 8 pm people were encouraged to light candles and shine a light outside their homes. Certainly the evening activity was not well supported in my ‘hood. It might have been difficult to see candles outside houses from the position of my house but I only saw one other person shine a light. And I was talking to my walking friend who ignored the silence because she  felt it detracted from the Armistice Day silence for people who lost their lives for our freedom. I could see her point but I think the fact that they only had it for a minute and they did it at midday rather than 11 acknowledged that it wasn’t in the same category as silence for the wars. But, hey, we’re all different, eh? The lady that does the yarn  bombs has done a special one for the national day of reflection. I took a photo of it. I think I’m going to try and photograph every one that she does. 

Boris has put his foot in it again by claiming that the success of the U.K.’s vaccination rollout program is down to greed and capitalism. I’m fairly sure that will further inflame the EU and may affect supplies of the vaccine for the future. He is such a silly man sometimes. It wouldn’t surprise me if we don’t end up getting a second dose.

I had yet another telephone consultation with the surgery yesterday. The doctor is going to send me for a scan, finally. It will be in the next two weeks because of my age and because she’s checking for cancer. It feels scary. On a number of levels. I think that now I’ve had one dose of vaccine I feel a little less anxious about going to the hospital. And I know that my neighbour will give me a lift if I need one. So I haven’t got to worry about public transport.

My friend, Sue, who I meet upon the cliffs when we walk has been absent for the last couple of days. She’s injured her knee. It caught her quite badly on Sunday and she had to sit down on a bench. That tells me how bad it was because she simply doesn’t do that because of Covid. But she was out today walking very slowly and keeping to the flat. She was very sweet and said she’d missed our chats over the last couple of days. She said it was good to chat again and she hoped we would carry on chatting......... for the rest of our lives! I realise we’re on the last lap of our lives so it might not be for that long! Nevertheless I found it a very uplifting thing to hear.

It’s very springlike today. Not that it’s particularly warm but there is a certain something in the air that heralds a change. So instead of doing housework this morning I spent some time outside in the garden. I have to be very careful because I can’t do much before my back starts complaining bitterly and I have a tendency to overdo it which can then have a knock-on effect the next day. So I’ve tried to be sensible. While I was out in the front a lady went by with her dog and I said good morning, she said good morning. Didn’t know who she was but she stopped and started to give me her entire life story! I had put a watering can by my water butt to fill it up and as she was talking, non-stop I might add, I could hear that the watering can was overflowing and the water must’ve been pouring down my side way. It was so difficult to extricate myself from the situation but in the end I think she felt quite hurt when I said look I must go my butt is overflowing! Only realised later how weird that sounded. And how inaccurate it was. It wasn’t the butt that was overflowing at all, it was the watering can! But I hate wasting water. It’s such a precious commodity. My actual butt is okay, thanks. 😉

The WhatsApp schoolgirls group are trying to organise a get together for September. I still think it’s too early to start making concrete plans but they’re agreeing on dates et cetera. I’ve said nothing so far. The girl hosting it lives in Oxford which is a long way to go. And I’d be reliant on a lift from somebody which means I’d be dependent on their arriving and their leaving. I’m not very social these days I think that’s another result of lockdown. Not that I’ve ever been terribly sociable. I don’t like large groups. I much prefer smaller, intimate groups.

Here is the photo of the yarn bomb. 

Blogversary!

 I know, it’s been months since I last posted on this blog. I’m sad that it deteriorated. When I began it was my intention to continue it for every day of the lockdown. Only I didn’t know how long lockdown was going to last and I didn’t know how challenging my mental and physical health would become. And there are other reasons that I won’t go in to because the relevance is immaterial. But today is the year anniversary of when I started this project. And I thought it might be interesting, for want of a better word, to reflect on the last 12 months.

More has been lost in this year than has been gained. So many deaths, not all from Covid, but it’s been a sobering year. A dear friend diagnosed and treated for cancer has overcome it. The last scan was clear, August is the date for the next one. 18 months since I saw my brother. And I think it’s six months since I saw my sister. Solitude has become the norm. The majority of purchases, food and otherwise, all done online. That’s become another norm now. The only shops I’ve entered in the last year have been the chemist to pick up my prescriptions and the health Food Store, which is en route, to get my breakfast cereal. I did go into the co-op once last July. But the lack of social distancing in the store put me off ever returning. 

I think I could count on one hand the number of times I’ve been anywhere other than my own home to socialise. There was a brief period in the summer where we were allowed to meet in gardens. My sister came a couple of times. And I went down to my friend’s and they came to me. Otherwise we’ve had distanced conversations between me at the front door and then the front gate. My sister and I travelled to the cemetery to my mum’s grave. My friend took me to a garden nursery. And I’ve been down to the seafront twice to have an ice cream. That’s the sum total of my outings in 12 months. 

The euphoria of my early morning walks has diminished because of my back pain. Sometimes I look back and wonder if the summer was a dream I’ve woken up from. For a while it seemed my walking was effortless and I had my music playing as I strode along the cliff tops picking my blackberries and chatting with the other walkers.

Now I don’t walk as far and I don’t dare leave the house without my fold up walking stick at the very least. I found the winter mornings challenging with the dark and the cold. I feel slightly more optimistic now we’ve got lighter mornings. Also the ground has been too wet to walk on and it’s the only way you can avoid other people. The joggers continue to irritate me with their huffing, their puffing, their coughing and  their refusal to compromise. If we have another pandemic I would like it to be mandatory for joggers to wear facemasks at least. This current lockdown I feel has seen less compliance than the first one. There are more people and more traffic about. People aren’t staying home like they were. Some of it is complacency because of the vaccine. I’m sure there are people who believe that once they’ve had the first shot  that’s it, they’re free. Of course that’s not the case.  I have had one shot of vaccine. I had the Pfizer vaccine. There was no choice about which one to have. And tomorrow will be the three weeks for it to become effective. But I can’t see me changing my ways very much. Maybe when I’ve had the second one I may feel more confident.

However my walk still remains one of the highlights of my day. And I have witnessed some of the most incredible sunrises. You can see from the photos. And my friendship with one of the walkers, Sue, endures. I hope it extends beyond the pandemic for we have such a lot in common and we agree about so many things. The Covid snake stones have all been removed. They’ve been relocated to one of the flower beds but they’ve got lost within the plants and the earth. I felt sad but I knew it had to happen. The grass was growing over the stone so that they were no longer visible and it was very easy to turn on ankle if you walked on the grass. They had no choice but to remove them. But not far away from where the snake began its journey on the road opposite some enterprising soul has been knitting covers for the postbox. She is very creative and makes them according to the season or the anniversary or an event at the time. And this morning she’s put a St Patrick’s Day cover on the pillar box and I post a photo here. 

I’ve tried to give my day some kind of structure. So when my back allows it I do chores and housework in the morning and the afternoons I devote to my reading and my writing. It doesn’t always work out that way! And how I’m going to fit the gardening in is anybody’s guess. My gardener is no longer doing full-time gardening as he is devoting his time to other pursuits, Permaculture, foraging and the growing of herbs for local businesses. He did say if I got desperate I could contact him and he’d do a couple of hours. I have a feeling that I may be desperate this season.

I look back over the last year and sometimes I can’t even grasp how things have changed. When I’m walking in the mornings and I see the trains on the mainline to London I wonder whether I’ll ever get on the train again. Even the buses that go up and down from the station, I wonder if I’ll ever get on the bus again. It feels like I’m locked into this existence forever. And I feel sad about it and I feel angry too. For if we had a more compliant and less arrogant population we might not be in this mess. I’m no scientist but logic tells me that for a virus to replicate and mutate it needs a host. If it doesn’t have a host it can’t do those things and will ultimately die out, surely? And if we all socially distanced, washed our hands, wore facemasks and stopped trying to meet up with each other, stop travelling around the country and out of the country, stopped trying to manipulate the restrictions to suit our selfish selves we might have been able to stop this thing growing and spreading and developing. But we didn’t. And whilst I have misgivings about the whole vaccination program as a whole I can’t see any other way out. The long-term effects of these vaccines are unknown. Already doubt has been cast about one of them and its potential to cause blood clots. 

I look forward to the changing of the seasons and the changing of the clocks. Warmer, brighter weather and lighter evenings certainly lift my mood. At the end of the month the restrictions are easing slightly to allow people to meet outside in gardens. The rule of six returns. But only locally, so my sister still won’t be able to come down. Sometimes I crave a change. And yet I have to be grateful that I’ve got through a whole year without contracting the virus and needing hospital care or attention. Others have not been as fortunate as me. And I also have to remain grateful that I have a reliable income so I have plenty to eat and I’ve been able to keep warm and I have a pleasant space to occupy with the opportunity to go outside. There have been some losses, relatives and friends I will never see again and there is no doubt this ‘thing’ will leave its mark for years to come.

I’m not sure how many more blog posts I will write. As the whim takes me I guess. And I suppose if I feel there is anything significant to say. Maybe I won’t write again until this time next year! 😉

Day - something or other Blog something or other

 Whilst my walking has not returned to its former glory, I am at least managing to get out most days if the weather doesn’t defeat me.  This morning I witnessed the most glorious sunrise. From the merest horizontal light on the horizon I watched as the sun rose from behind the clouds lighting up the shoreline as if it was a diamond necklace. It seem to rise quite quickly and then it seems like the whole world was flooded with sunlight. I took a photograph. But it really doesn’t do it justice.

But it really was most uplifting. I returned home feeling a sense of purpose. Sadly that didn’t last as long into the day as I might have hoped. But it did at least permit me to sort the laundry fairly efficiently!

The news is full of this vaccine and that vaccine. It’s filling people with such hope and such optimism. But it’s scaring me. When vaccines take between 5 and 10 years to get right how can they be rolling these out so quickly? I remain sceptical about being injected with the genetic code of a virus. There is no way that the long-term effects of this have been properly studied. Could we be headed for another thalidomide type crisis? Out of the frying pan into the fire? And what if it renders are immune system capable only of recognising and dealing with coronavirus? What if it reprograms our genetics? Maybe I read way too many conspiracy and thriller books. But let’s not forget the pharmaceutical companies stand to make an absolute fortune out of this. And I don’t know how moral they might be. We live in a world where it’s  profits before people.

According to the BBC News infection rates are still rising. This lockdown is due to end in a couple of weeks. I don’t see how it’s had any effect whatsoever. That seems to be because people really don’t seem to have paid it much heed.Obviously they’ve not been able to go into pubs and bars and restaurants and gyms.but it doesn’t seem to stop them doing anything else. I’ve noticed little difference just looking at the world around me.

Boris Johnson is self isolating because he was pinged by track and trace as he’d been in contact with an MP who has subsequently tested positive for COVID-19. Of course he had the virus some months ago so he reckons he’s full of antibodies and feels fine. But as he says “rules are rules“. There is a nasty suspicious mean-spirited side of me that thinks he’s doing it to try and promote the whole self-isolation thing which again people aren’t following. Or rather I don’t think they fully understand what it means. It’s like social distancing. People just don’t seem to understand what they’re supposed to do.

It’s my friends birthday tomorrow. I won’t be able to actually spend any time with her. But I am going to take some gifts down, just knock on the door and leave them there. It’s tinged with sadness because the funeral of her niece is on Thursday.

Day Whatever - Post Whatever (I’ve lost count, and does it really matter?)

 Well it’s happened. A second lockdown. If Parliament agrees, from Thursday. Except it’s not a proper lockdown. Because schools, colleges and universities will remain open. So parents will be continuing to take the children to school and mixing and mingling and forgetting that social distance might help us all in this bugger's muddle we're living in. And we’ve already seen how it’s spreading amongst students. I’m not meaning to be overly critical. I’m sure I’ve said it before but regardless of any political affiliation any party would struggle to manage this situation, it’s horrendous. Unless of course you live in New Zealand and you have Jacinda Arden as your leader. You’re in with a chance then. But we don’t, we haven’t, and we’re not. It’s a balancing act like no other. The main reason for this lockdown is once again to reduce the pressure on hospitals and the NHS. I wonder if we'll start clapping for them again?

It won’t affect me that much. My sister won’t be able to visit, in fact she hasn’t for weeks now because she’s been in Tier 2, living in London and it’s too cold and frequently wet to be outside. I have occasionally seen my friend. In fact we had an enjoyable hour at a local nursery. It was the furthest I’ve been from my home since February! I had this weird sense that everything must’ve changed in those months. But of course it hasn’t. Looking from the safety of the back seat of a car life seem to be chugging along as it always did. Which is actually quite worrying isn’t it, if you’re in the middle of a pandemic? Where was the social distancing? Where were the facemasks?

The people who are going to comply with the guidance and restrictions are the people who have always complied. The people who won’t comply with the guidance and restrictions are those with never complied. Nothing really changes. Pubs, restaurants, bars, non-essential shops, cinemas, gyms, hairdressers et cetera will close for a month. The people that patronised them will find other means I’m sure. 

It’s continuing to be a very difficult and challenging time. My dear uncle died last week. He was 89 , in a care home with dementia and my cousin advised that he was deteriorating. My other cousin had the unenviable task of travelling from Barnet to Ashford to tell his twin sister the news. Now she is the last of my father's siblings. It's hard. They've been there my whole life and I spent some wonderful holidays staying down in Kent and being with them. My uncle reminded me of my Dad. He was a thoroughly decent man. He never had a bad word to say about anyone. I don't think he was capable of a negative thought. I was very fond of him. And my dear friend lost her niece. The whole family are in shock. She was only 62. Her parents in their 80s and 90's are distraught. Neither of them expected to outlive their daughter.

 I’m still struggling with poor health. After seven telephone consultations I finally had a face-to-face consultation and examination with the doctor. To give her due, she was very thorough. But I’m still no clearer to knowing what’s wrong with me. I’m waiting for one more test to come back to see if that throws any light on it. The tonsillitis was never tonsillitis. I apparently have an ulcer on my tonsil. It should go away on its own. But if it’s still there in six weeks time it may need to be investigated. If I’d had a face-to-face examination right back in August I’d have known exactly where I was and not had to endure antibiotics which obviously weren’t needed. The peeing blood which was a suspected UTI, and for which I took two further courses of antibiotics, doesn't seem to be according to the path lab who have had two samples now.  Obviously I worry that there is something seriously wrong and because of covid it won’t be possible to have the necessary treatment timeously.But I also acknowledge that anxiety is playing a big part.

The summer now seems like some kind of dream. Those early sunkissed walks, picking blackberries, chatting with other walkers. Where  has that gone? I’m struggling with my walking a bit now. I managed to get as far as the Bermuda Triangle today and I’m going to keep on trying. I took a photo of a lone crow which, bleakly, seems to sum up life.

Distantly Social

Despite several abortive attempts at achieving some uniformity of text this new Blogger interface refuses to cooperate, no matter what I do. The draft post is uniform but the published post shows different sizes, line breaks and fonts. It's driven me insane!!! I hope it's readable on whatever device you're using! 

 

Throughout this whole pandemic and lockdown I've been trying to walk on a daily basis. It was called essential exercise at the start of tthe restrictions. I don't know what it's called now! My walk became very much a lifeline to deal with the mental load of a lockdown which was for me tantamount to self isolation.

And somehow I wanted to put into words my morning walk and this is what I've come up with. 

 

 Can't follow the yellow brick road right now, it's too early in the morning. I'm following the grey macadam road, the one with the white line running right up the middle. I can't walk along the white line for I have my headphones on and I might not hear the car that manages to mow me down. So I’d never know if it was a Bentley or a Mini that served me my notice. But the end of the grey macadam road is like emerging from a gloomy tunnel into a dome of blue and sunlight.

So this is a sunset painting but this is looking west to the roundelay

I go anticlockwise around the Roundelay up along towards the Dogwalkers' Meeting Zone, greeting the pigeons, the magpies and crows as I pass. I try to ignore the overflowing litter bins resplendent with lockdown takeaway packaging. I take care to, not necessarily avoid, but secure a general social distance from other walkers and most particularly the joggers who do not care about COVID-19 or social distancing. They will jostle you from behind rather than alter their trajectory. And their huffing and puffing will spread any given disease if you get too close….

I come full circle and go clockwise round the Roundelay, looking out to sea and seeing the early morning lights like a pearl necklace along the coastline. Then westwards, sometimes on the path, it depends on the proximity of the people and the joggers, sometimes on the grass, uneven, with the gift of dog poo presenting a messy obstacle if you're not careful. I pace the Road to Nowhere which takes me off the main path briefly. I round the bend past the 39 steps where Richard Hannay climbs if you’ve a strong enough imagination, to the Peacock Tree, resplendent in its very oakiness, Onwards, along to the Grand Staircase for views of unparalleled beauty. Watch out for commuters though, who haven't time for Covid fear, for the train is due. And they will descend the Grand Staircase, step-by-step, to reach their pandemic platforms. On I surge, pathwards, tiptoeing, meandering alongside the Covid Stone Snake to the Bermuda Triangle where all is never quite lost.

For me it’s onwards, eastwards, down along the Grassy Knoll where there are no book depositories so I know its safe, past the Shelter, of salt scorched rotting wood where the homeless sleep and the lovers linger, not necessarily in that order. Up to the Holocaust Tree where I touch my heart and remember all those who did not survive their pandemic of fascist prejudice to witness this pandemic. The Secret Oak where you could hide your clandestine messages in the crevasse in its trunk, extracting love letters which your secret lover might have left, then clockwise round the Triangulay -  so much open space here you can see the comings and goings of land and sea. Sky and clouds gaze down. Slightly downhill now and hurtling towards the Traffic Lights which remind you, in case you dare to forget, that you're not in the countryside, you're in an arrogant seaside town trying so hard to disappear up its own arse and succeeding……. at times.

It's a spider junction so you gotta have your wits about you when you cross the road to avoid being hit by an insomniac vehicle. This is 5.30 in the morning. Then it's the home straight down Blackberry Way which is the magical land that leads to the Enchanted Castle from Norman times. But it stands in silent ruins now  regarding this estuary, or is it actually there to view the annual migration of the Brent Geese.

I allow my gaze to wander across the panorama. Knowing that when I turn my back and start my return journey and make my way back along the same route, almost, the best part of my day in this lockdown lockup will be over. As I make my way back, already, the rest of the world is waking and evident.