Day One Hundred and Forty Two - King of the World

Lovely dry morning. Not a cloud in the sky. The smell of salt in the air. Almost perfect. On mornings like these I can almost forget about coronavirus and lockdowns and social distancing. Sometimes when I reach the top of the road where I can start to see the sea I have this absurd and irrational desire to rush across the road and scream at the top of my voice, like Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm the king of the world! Only at 5.30 in the morning it really seems quite selfish to do something like that so I restrain myself.

The protracted conversations I'm having with my friend, Sue, in the mornings mean that I return home later and later from my walk. I had to chuckle to myself today because it was 7.30 before I sat down to breakfast. Pre Sue it was about 6.30! Not that I mind. I enjoy exchanging ideas and thoughts and finding out that I'm not so alone in my covid thinking. Sue said similar. She said she really looks forward to our little chats. We have to remind ourselves that we should be walking! In case you're wondering why we don't walk and chat at the same time it's because none of this is prearranged. We never know if we're going to bump into each other on our walks and that actually makes it more fun. Once things start to become routine I don't think they're nearly so appealing. Also Sue prefers a different route to me. Her route incorporates all the steps and I can't manage the steps. I'd like to say yet. But I'm away off from that at the moment. I think I set out earlier than she does as well so I'm generally on my return lap when I bump into her.

Scanning the news today I see that the number of countries who were initially praised for their responses to the coronavirus crisis are now seeing a resurgence of cases, or many of them are. Some countries that have used very strict knockdowns like Spain are seeing new outbreaks. I find it all very mystifying. Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to contain this thing at all. Sadly my thoughts seem to be in line with what the head of the world health organisation is warning. He says "there may never be a silver bullet to beat coronavirus" and there may never be a perfect vaccine to end the pandemic. Not what we want to hear is it? Basically means it's something we've got to learn to live with.


I've been fretting about the fact that I don't know when I'll see my brother again. And sometimes when I'm in a particularly dark and gloomy mood I wonder if I'll ever see him again. But I don't like letting my mind wander down that path because it upsets me too much. But I had a conversation with somebody who has a close relative living the other side of the world. They haven't seen each other for eight years. The likelihood is that they will never see each other again. One of them has cancer. I questioned how on earth you can bear such a thing. They talk on the phone frequently and they email. It started me thinking about physical presence. Is that the essence of a person? You can still love and communicate with somebody even if you can't be in their physical circle. It's second-best and it's a compromise for sure but somehow having this conversation gave me a little peace. I talk with my brother twice a week on the phone. I put it on speakerphone because it then sounds as if he's in the next room. And I think because I know him so well I can usually visualise his facial gestures when he's talking. I need to focus on that perhaps. Because, realistically, and assuming we both stay well it's going to be a long time before there is even any hope of seeing him again. At least I get to see my sister. That's something. Got to look for the positives and try and stay a bit upbeat.