Day - something or other Blog something or other

 Whilst my walking has not returned to its former glory, I am at least managing to get out most days if the weather doesn’t defeat me.  This morning I witnessed the most glorious sunrise. From the merest horizontal light on the horizon I watched as the sun rose from behind the clouds lighting up the shoreline as if it was a diamond necklace. It seem to rise quite quickly and then it seems like the whole world was flooded with sunlight. I took a photograph. But it really doesn’t do it justice.

But it really was most uplifting. I returned home feeling a sense of purpose. Sadly that didn’t last as long into the day as I might have hoped. But it did at least permit me to sort the laundry fairly efficiently!

The news is full of this vaccine and that vaccine. It’s filling people with such hope and such optimism. But it’s scaring me. When vaccines take between 5 and 10 years to get right how can they be rolling these out so quickly? I remain sceptical about being injected with the genetic code of a virus. There is no way that the long-term effects of this have been properly studied. Could we be headed for another thalidomide type crisis? Out of the frying pan into the fire? And what if it renders are immune system capable only of recognising and dealing with coronavirus? What if it reprograms our genetics? Maybe I read way too many conspiracy and thriller books. But let’s not forget the pharmaceutical companies stand to make an absolute fortune out of this. And I don’t know how moral they might be. We live in a world where it’s  profits before people.

According to the BBC News infection rates are still rising. This lockdown is due to end in a couple of weeks. I don’t see how it’s had any effect whatsoever. That seems to be because people really don’t seem to have paid it much heed.Obviously they’ve not been able to go into pubs and bars and restaurants and gyms.but it doesn’t seem to stop them doing anything else. I’ve noticed little difference just looking at the world around me.

Boris Johnson is self isolating because he was pinged by track and trace as he’d been in contact with an MP who has subsequently tested positive for COVID-19. Of course he had the virus some months ago so he reckons he’s full of antibodies and feels fine. But as he says “rules are rules“. There is a nasty suspicious mean-spirited side of me that thinks he’s doing it to try and promote the whole self-isolation thing which again people aren’t following. Or rather I don’t think they fully understand what it means. It’s like social distancing. People just don’t seem to understand what they’re supposed to do.

It’s my friends birthday tomorrow. I won’t be able to actually spend any time with her. But I am going to take some gifts down, just knock on the door and leave them there. It’s tinged with sadness because the funeral of her niece is on Thursday.

Day Whatever - Post Whatever (I’ve lost count, and does it really matter?)

 Well it’s happened. A second lockdown. If Parliament agrees, from Thursday. Except it’s not a proper lockdown. Because schools, colleges and universities will remain open. So parents will be continuing to take the children to school and mixing and mingling and forgetting that social distance might help us all in this bugger's muddle we're living in. And we’ve already seen how it’s spreading amongst students. I’m not meaning to be overly critical. I’m sure I’ve said it before but regardless of any political affiliation any party would struggle to manage this situation, it’s horrendous. Unless of course you live in New Zealand and you have Jacinda Arden as your leader. You’re in with a chance then. But we don’t, we haven’t, and we’re not. It’s a balancing act like no other. The main reason for this lockdown is once again to reduce the pressure on hospitals and the NHS. I wonder if we'll start clapping for them again?

It won’t affect me that much. My sister won’t be able to visit, in fact she hasn’t for weeks now because she’s been in Tier 2, living in London and it’s too cold and frequently wet to be outside. I have occasionally seen my friend. In fact we had an enjoyable hour at a local nursery. It was the furthest I’ve been from my home since February! I had this weird sense that everything must’ve changed in those months. But of course it hasn’t. Looking from the safety of the back seat of a car life seem to be chugging along as it always did. Which is actually quite worrying isn’t it, if you’re in the middle of a pandemic? Where was the social distancing? Where were the facemasks?

The people who are going to comply with the guidance and restrictions are the people who have always complied. The people who won’t comply with the guidance and restrictions are those with never complied. Nothing really changes. Pubs, restaurants, bars, non-essential shops, cinemas, gyms, hairdressers et cetera will close for a month. The people that patronised them will find other means I’m sure. 

It’s continuing to be a very difficult and challenging time. My dear uncle died last week. He was 89 , in a care home with dementia and my cousin advised that he was deteriorating. My other cousin had the unenviable task of travelling from Barnet to Ashford to tell his twin sister the news. Now she is the last of my father's siblings. It's hard. They've been there my whole life and I spent some wonderful holidays staying down in Kent and being with them. My uncle reminded me of my Dad. He was a thoroughly decent man. He never had a bad word to say about anyone. I don't think he was capable of a negative thought. I was very fond of him. And my dear friend lost her niece. The whole family are in shock. She was only 62. Her parents in their 80s and 90's are distraught. Neither of them expected to outlive their daughter.

 I’m still struggling with poor health. After seven telephone consultations I finally had a face-to-face consultation and examination with the doctor. To give her due, she was very thorough. But I’m still no clearer to knowing what’s wrong with me. I’m waiting for one more test to come back to see if that throws any light on it. The tonsillitis was never tonsillitis. I apparently have an ulcer on my tonsil. It should go away on its own. But if it’s still there in six weeks time it may need to be investigated. If I’d had a face-to-face examination right back in August I’d have known exactly where I was and not had to endure antibiotics which obviously weren’t needed. The peeing blood which was a suspected UTI, and for which I took two further courses of antibiotics, doesn't seem to be according to the path lab who have had two samples now.  Obviously I worry that there is something seriously wrong and because of covid it won’t be possible to have the necessary treatment timeously.But I also acknowledge that anxiety is playing a big part.

The summer now seems like some kind of dream. Those early sunkissed walks, picking blackberries, chatting with other walkers. Where  has that gone? I’m struggling with my walking a bit now. I managed to get as far as the Bermuda Triangle today and I’m going to keep on trying. I took a photo of a lone crow which, bleakly, seems to sum up life.

Distantly Social

Despite several abortive attempts at achieving some uniformity of text this new Blogger interface refuses to cooperate, no matter what I do. The draft post is uniform but the published post shows different sizes, line breaks and fonts. It's driven me insane!!! I hope it's readable on whatever device you're using! 

 

Throughout this whole pandemic and lockdown I've been trying to walk on a daily basis. It was called essential exercise at the start of tthe restrictions. I don't know what it's called now! My walk became very much a lifeline to deal with the mental load of a lockdown which was for me tantamount to self isolation.

And somehow I wanted to put into words my morning walk and this is what I've come up with. 

 

 Can't follow the yellow brick road right now, it's too early in the morning. I'm following the grey macadam road, the one with the white line running right up the middle. I can't walk along the white line for I have my headphones on and I might not hear the car that manages to mow me down. So I’d never know if it was a Bentley or a Mini that served me my notice. But the end of the grey macadam road is like emerging from a gloomy tunnel into a dome of blue and sunlight.

So this is a sunset painting but this is looking west to the roundelay

I go anticlockwise around the Roundelay up along towards the Dogwalkers' Meeting Zone, greeting the pigeons, the magpies and crows as I pass. I try to ignore the overflowing litter bins resplendent with lockdown takeaway packaging. I take care to, not necessarily avoid, but secure a general social distance from other walkers and most particularly the joggers who do not care about COVID-19 or social distancing. They will jostle you from behind rather than alter their trajectory. And their huffing and puffing will spread any given disease if you get too close….

I come full circle and go clockwise round the Roundelay, looking out to sea and seeing the early morning lights like a pearl necklace along the coastline. Then westwards, sometimes on the path, it depends on the proximity of the people and the joggers, sometimes on the grass, uneven, with the gift of dog poo presenting a messy obstacle if you're not careful. I pace the Road to Nowhere which takes me off the main path briefly. I round the bend past the 39 steps where Richard Hannay climbs if you’ve a strong enough imagination, to the Peacock Tree, resplendent in its very oakiness, Onwards, along to the Grand Staircase for views of unparalleled beauty. Watch out for commuters though, who haven't time for Covid fear, for the train is due. And they will descend the Grand Staircase, step-by-step, to reach their pandemic platforms. On I surge, pathwards, tiptoeing, meandering alongside the Covid Stone Snake to the Bermuda Triangle where all is never quite lost.

For me it’s onwards, eastwards, down along the Grassy Knoll where there are no book depositories so I know its safe, past the Shelter, of salt scorched rotting wood where the homeless sleep and the lovers linger, not necessarily in that order. Up to the Holocaust Tree where I touch my heart and remember all those who did not survive their pandemic of fascist prejudice to witness this pandemic. The Secret Oak where you could hide your clandestine messages in the crevasse in its trunk, extracting love letters which your secret lover might have left, then clockwise round the Triangulay -  so much open space here you can see the comings and goings of land and sea. Sky and clouds gaze down. Slightly downhill now and hurtling towards the Traffic Lights which remind you, in case you dare to forget, that you're not in the countryside, you're in an arrogant seaside town trying so hard to disappear up its own arse and succeeding……. at times.

It's a spider junction so you gotta have your wits about you when you cross the road to avoid being hit by an insomniac vehicle. This is 5.30 in the morning. Then it's the home straight down Blackberry Way which is the magical land that leads to the Enchanted Castle from Norman times. But it stands in silent ruins now  regarding this estuary, or is it actually there to view the annual migration of the Brent Geese.

I allow my gaze to wander across the panorama. Knowing that when I turn my back and start my return journey and make my way back along the same route, almost, the best part of my day in this lockdown lockup will be over. As I make my way back, already, the rest of the world is waking and evident.

Day Umpteen - Umpteenth Blogpost

 Here I am again. Very much changed in mood from the early days of this blog. So I suppose I've succeeded in my intention to see if this thing might have an affect on me!  

 These last few weeks have been a struggle. My throat flared again. I phoned the surgery thinking that I might actually get a face-to-face appointment and somebody would look at the damn throat. Nope.  Talked to the nurse again. She put me on a course of antibiotics. I finished them a week ago. There is an improvement but my throat doesn't feel right and hasn't since the 8th of August when it first hit me. Then on Sunday I started peeing blood! I found that extremely frightening. My understanding is that it's a serious thing and needs investigation because it could be bladder cancer. I knew I had to phone the doctor and I really believe that I would be examined. No. The nurse again. She's decided it's a UTI and prescribed yet another course of antibiotics. I think she's probably right but it's not the point. I think something like that needs checking. Insistence on no face-to-face consultations is quite alarming. And my friend says the surgery is like Fort Knox to try and get into. I know that's not the case everywhere from listening to people who don't live in this area. Anyway I prepared some urine samples and my friend's partner is kindly taking them down to the surgery for me. It's too far for me to walk at the moment. I'm drinking copiously. And peeing a lot. I hope they test them thoroughly. And I hope there's nothing amiss in the results. But it feels like I'm doing something. In spite of the fact that I wasn't feeling great yesterday I had to go to the chemist to pick up the antibiotic prescription. It was the usual gauntlet of people who haven't a clue about social distancing And who regard me rather critically when I make sure I am maintaining the 2 m distance from them. So I was facemasked up and following the instructions inside the chemist which I'm quite used to now. But although the nurse had said she'd pinged the prescription through, the pharmacist was faffing about it as he couldn't find it. My heart was sinking and when he did find it he didn't have enough of the capsules for the course I've been prescribed! I was horrified at the thought of having to come back again the next day but he has said he will deliver them this afternoon. I'm curious to see if that will actually happen. And the nurse told me to read the instructions in the packet very thoroughly. There were no instructions. I found some online.

But I guess my troubles are nothing compared to President of the United States who has been hospitalised with Covid. Oh, and discharged now I believe.

In this country the infection rate is rising. Hospitalisations and deaths are increasing. So we are at a stage that I've anticipated for some time. We are no nearer returning to any normal life than we were back in March. And this ideal to find a vaccine and the faith people are placing in the creation of a vaccine upsets me. Vaccines to take years to develop. Effective vaccines that is. Vaccines that have been truly tested for the side-effects and the long-term effects etc.

And I feel like I'm living on a building site. The new people who sound like Phil Mitchell and Sharon Watts are having a massive room in the roof built. The sensation of living in a goldfish bowl is acute. And I was thinking it was only me but talking to my neighbour next door she feels exactly the same. So much so that she actually said she wanted to move. I hope they don't because I dread who might move in. As is the norm nowadays the builders have to have a radio on all day at full volume that everyone for streets around has to hear. I suppose we need to be grateful that it isn't the height of summer when everybody wants to be outside because it's just so intrusive.  Have you noticed that people who play music nreasonably loudly on building sites and in cars never play music that you want to listen to? You never think, oh great ,I love this track. It's always crap. I find that I have to do most things at the front of the house Unless I'm doing something and I can put my own music on loud enough to drown it out.And now I see that my neighbours the other side are having some massive structure built at the end of the garden. They had a new shed a couple of years ago that's been dismantled, still in perfectly good condition. I do hope it will be reused somehow. The rose trellis they so lovingly painted all through the summer and the roses they beautifully nurtured  - all gone. The block paving they had put down about three years ago all ripped up. The money and the waste. It's beyond me. They barely have a garden now. But it's building sounds in stereo at the back of my house.

My friend ,who had cancer surgery on her kidney is progressing well. But she's had a dreadful setback to contend with this week. Her niece, who is actually only a few years younger than she, the daughter of a much older sister, suffered a disrupted aorta on Sunday. She was in emergency surgery for seven hours in the early hours of Sunday morning. They are continuing to sedate her. When they tried to bring her round she had two seizures. It's really not looking good. The whole family are in shreds. So my problems are minimal and I shouldn't be whingeing.

Is there anything good? Well I had a nice little surprise this morning. Since the 70s I've been a fan of Gary Numan. 2 or 3 years ago when he played a concert in my hometown I got to meet him! He is such a nice man. Towards the end of the month his autobiography is being published. As I'm a book blogger I very cheekily emailed the publisher to ask if I could have an advance proof to read and review for my book blog. That was several weeks ago and I heard nothing. But today I had a lovely email from the publicist who apologised that they weren't producing any proofs but has sent me............ an electronic copy of the book! I'm thrilled. I don't like e-books but for Gary I'll make an exception. I have pre-ordered a copy of the actual book but it's giving me a kick to start reading it now.

Day One Hundred and Ninety - 55th Blog Post

It's been a while now I know. I haven't been well and I still don't feel I'm quite back to normal, whatever normal may be. And I've been very down. But today for the first time in weeks I managed my full walk. Of course it stays dark much later in the morning now so I'm leaving later and there are more people about. But I saw a wonderful sunrise this morning. 

Sadly Google in their wisdom have changed the interface of Blogger, the platform I use to create my blog and it isn't as flexible as the old one so my motivation to blog is further reduced. It's a shame because I liked the structure creating a daily blog post added to my day.

With the recent easing of lockdown I tried to be braver. I went in the car with my sister to the cemetery. We both wore face masks. We had all the windows open. I sat in the back of the car behind the front passenger seat. It was weird. It was the first time I had been in a car since February/March time. I felt a little emotional. I was expecting to see big changes everywhere but of course there weren't! When I had to go to the chemist to pick up my prescription I went to some shops! My first stop was Grange the health food store. I was horrified because they've changed their practice of having tables outside and serving you on the pavement. You now have to go in the shop. None of the staff had face masks. And I felt very anxious. The proprietor sensed my anxiety and offered to fetch my shopping for me as I had prepared a list that I've done in the last two or three times I've been there. But it's put me off going. By contrast the chemist was very well organised arrows and lines everywhere. The staff wearing face masks . And the staff also policing people who decided they wouldn't follow the social distancing lines and the arrows around the store which I found very reassuring. I then went to the shop called the refill station. Will you can buy loose goods. You can take your own containers and fill them. Or you could before COVID-19. They do particularly nice breakfast cereal (what is it with me and breakfast cereals?) that I haven't had since February/March time. They had been serving at the door. But when I stood in the door that day it was business as normal. No facemasks on the staff and you could bring your own containers again. Finally I went to the greengrocers. They had an area of the road barriered off so that you could wait and social distance. Only two people allowed in the shop at once. I felt a little more confident there and there was a Perspex screen up at the till. I got cherries and strawberries.

But, I hear you ask, why am I still so concerned?  Lockdown has been easing. Businesses have been starting to get back to normal. Restaurants open. Pubs are open. Exercise classes in full swing. Schools open. Public transport trying to run as normal. I'll tell you why. Because infections are on the rise to the tune of several thousand a day. And if that's not cause for concern I don't know what is. Am I surprised? No, I'm not. I foresaw this happening. The government have now put a limit on the number of people who can meet together, either indoors or out, socially, just six. That comes into force on Monday. So people are going manic this weekend trying to get their gatherings of up to 30 all done before Monday. Infections are mostly amongst the younger age groups. Older people like myself are still being very very careful. Sadly I can't see much changing I think we are headed for some pretty tough times. People are already saying Christmas is cancelled.

When I started this blog I never dreamed that I'd still be doing it in September. I don't know what I really believed but I thought we might be able to get a handle on this. And I think we might have done had the government acted more swiftly. And if people could actually just stop; think, look at the bigger picture, make some sacrifices ,show some self-discipline, summon some self-control and actually think beyond their own self absorbed selves. We might have been able to deal with this. Many people are still holding out for a vaccine. I was on the phone to a friend of mine in the States who is a retired doctor and he said vaccines can take years to develop. Effective vaccines that is. And our local hospital has stopped taking covid patients. So everybody is saying, ah there are no coronavirus patients in our hospital. No virus here. No, that's because they're taking them all to another hospital in the next town. It's a bugger's muddle and no mistake.

Day One Hundred and Seventy Four - 54th Blog Post

It's been a while. Not a lot has happened but what has happened has been immense. My friend went into hospital last Tuesday week and had part of her kidney removed. The surgeon said it was a large tumour. She is awaiting the pathology on it currently. Unbelievably they sent her home on the Thursday. I think that's par for the course at the moment because of COVID-19. That was a week ago. She had to quarantine for a week after the surgery. Her quarantine ended today. To celebrate she wanted to go to the seafront and maybe have an ice cream. The local area has a renowned ice cream maker called Rossi. One of the most beautiful ice creams you'll ever taste. She drove past my house on the way. I thought it would just be a wave from the car but she got out. And we both burst into tears! I believe the young people would call it "totes emosh". She looked well but she was moving slowly and carefully. There is still a long way to go. You don't just get up from cancer surgery and behave as if nothing's happened. She will try and do that if I know her but I think her body will tell her no.

I haven't done my full walk now since last Thursday week. I've been unwell. I tried to ignore it but in the end it flattened me. To cut a long story short I ended up phoning the surgery on Monday. I was incredibly anxious because I feared them requiring me to attend an appointment. And I didn't know how I was going to get there. I really was feeling quite unwell. I didn't want to get a taxi. And I wasn't sure if I was well enough to walk it. But again because of COVID-19 they try to avoid having people attending so I had a telephone consultation with one of the practice nurses. Based on what I told her she concluded that I was suffering from viral tonsillitis. Previously had got myself into a panic thinking that I had contracted coronavirus. It was an overreaction, I'll admit. I have no temperature, no cough, fully retained my sense of taste and smell. And nowhere online, I looked and my sister looked, could we find any evidence that a swollen tonsil featured in any coronavirus presentation. Then I googled it and panicked that I was suffering from throat cancer. Particularly as this is the second time the tonsil has swollen. The first time it went down again in a couple of days and without me feeling that ill. Today is the first day that I felt anything like okay but it's affecting my ears as is often the case and I'm a little bit dizzy. However I was determined to get out. Get some fresh air and get my body moving again. So I didn't do a full walk but I did go up to see the sea and walked part of my route.

I just want to get better and get back to "normal". My friend's daughter returns to Portugal on Monday and she's going to be bereft. I want to be on hand in case she needs any support. I'm not sure if her partner will return to work or whether he will continue to work from home. But whatever the situation I think she's going to need someone close by.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Five - 53rd Blog Post

Today my dear friend was admitted to hospital to have her cancer surgery. At this stage I don't know whether she's had whole or part of the kidney removed. Her partner and daughter have been told they can ring the ward after 5 pm this afternoon so it's been a day of waiting and worrying. She wanted us to continue playing Popmaster so we did but our hearts weren't really in it. She set up a WhatsApp group for us to record our scores so that she can see how we're doing! She's also set up a WhatsApp group so that we can be kept up-to-date with her progress. But her daughter will do the updating on that.

The threat of thunderstorms still looms. We did have one yesterday with some pretty close lightning strikes but so far I am unscathed thankfully. It's a relief to have some cooler weather. I did some gardening outside today to celebrate being able to move comfortably outdoors. And then what did I do? Caught my foot on some exposed root, managed to avoid falling but I've got a swollen and bruised pinky toe! I've buddy wrapped it with the one next to it and slathered it with arnica but I doubt I'll be able to go for my walk tomorrow, dammit. I picked a handful of blackberries today but I think that, sensibly, it is the last of them. I must've had a pound or two so I'm not complaining.

And in wider COVID-19 news one tabloid has decided that the second wave has already started because of the continued increase of cases in the UK. There are concerns that some of the people taking calls on the NHS virus hotline are giving incorrect and possibly dangerous advice. And in good old Wuhan where this whole thing was supposed to have started  a photograph shows  the water park full of non-socially distanced people! And we thought it was just the UK!?

Day One Hundred and Fifty Two - Walkings and Talkings

I know I know here I am again. But I think this is significant. There was plenty of  lightning and thunder last night but it was somewhere distant. Nevertheless the potential for it coming close was always there so I got little sleep. When I did finally drop off towards the early hours I’d already decided that I wouldn’t fret if I didn’t get up in time to go for a walk. So I didn’t fret! I calmly sat down to breakfast at about 8 am this morning which is the latest I’ve had breakfast for months and months. I thought I’d do a little tai chi, which I did. I thought I’d do a little yoga, which I did. And then this afternoon as it started to rain I thought I’m gonna go for a walk. So I did. And that is significant because it’s the first time in the whole of lockdown that I’ve gone out in the afternoon. I didn’t wear my sports kit. I wore a waterproof. And I didn’t do my full walk . I only went as far as the holocaust tree. I waited till it rained because I thought that would put people off and going out. And I think it did. But the whole feeling is so different from my early morning walk. My body felt much heavier; breakfast and lunch? Go figure! I found walking more of an effort. The air seemed denser than it is first thing in the morning and the light was different too. The kind of people about were different as well. Which makes it fascinating for a people watcher. Without exception it was always incumbent on me to maintain social distance. Youngsters have no intention of distancing themselves. That was particularly noticeable. Clusters of them up there all hanging around together. But there were no unpleasant or fraught situations. I didn’t have my music playing so I was particularly alert and particularly aware because sometimes people who over take you brush against you so I wanted to make sure that didn’t happen. So I got back feeling pretty pleased with myself. It’s a personal breakthrough to go out this time of day.

I also managed to have a phone conversation with my friend today. That’s made me feel a whole lot better. I didn’t want to put her under any pressure to talk to me if she wasn’t feeling like it but it was her suggestion. She has to go up to the hospital tomorrow for a Covid  test. And then she has to go up early to the hospital on Tuesday morning and she’s on the morning list for surgery. If all goes well she should be home on the Friday. And I’m going to phone or message her daughter on Tuesday evening to see how everything went went. What happens after that I’m not sure but let’s just take one step at a time. I’m glad I’m back in the loop again. I know I’m not too high in the pecking order and no reason I should be but obviously I care, obviously I’m concerned.

So, that’s it. As you were.

Day One Hundred and Fifty One - Waiting

I feel like I’ve spent the whole day waiting for the storms that have yet to arrive. I’ve charged up all my devices and removed as many plugs as possible. But still I wait. I went out early walking. And I was in the middle of picking some blackberries when I felt some rain. I was fearful that the storm was imminent so I tried to get back home as quickly as possible. It didn’t materialise!

I keep checking the lightning radar and there were some storms north of here in a town called Chelmsford which is about half an hour away. And I saw storms massing around Calais which you think would head this way. They’ve certainly hit the south coast. I checked my weather apps to which keep changing the percentage likelihood of rain and thunder and the times at which they will occur. I can’t see myself getting much sleep tonight. I have been known to get up and get dressed in the middle of the night when it’s a particularly bad storm in case I have to quickly get out of the house.

I’m starting to think that maybe writing this daily blog is not so relevant now as it was. I’m very repetitive. I’m wondering if maybe I should do it once a week now? Or if something significant and spectacular happens. But being in lockdown is by its very nature an uneventful and repetitive time. And my head is not in a good place so I’m aware of being a little bit negative. I’ll think about it. Thank you to those faithful readers. You know who you are. 😘

Day One Hundred and Fifty - Sweaty Betty at your service

Lordy, I don’t know I’ve never known the likes of this heat. Unless it’s my age playing tricks with my memory again. I’ve sweated buckets today. And drank half my body weight in H2O it seems.
No walk this morning first thing because I want to try and get a little more sleep. Heats knocked the stuffing out of me and made me feel a little bit off-colour. Then I start panicking and think I’ve got coronavirus.

It was my food delivery day. This particular driver delivers before 630. So I was very glad that I was here to get the stuff in. I don’t want it nicked off the doorstep. It’s also rubbish day. Once that was all done I decided to go to the health food store nice and early because I was getting low on cereal. It’s always interesting. I feel like an outcast. Because there am I trying to maintain a social distance and wearing my face mask. All around me everybody is behaving normally. I had quite an interesting conversation with the girl in the store though. Or I should say outside the store. You still can’t go into the shop. They serve from behind two tables just outside the shop. But because I know exactly what I want I prepare a list and hand it to whoever is serving that day.  It makes it much easier And they do seem to appreciate the effort. But the girl was saying that people are divided into still taking the pandemic situation seriously and those who are determined to get back to normal and pay it little mind. But it does seem to be older people who are the ones taking it more seriously. Younger people are the ones  inclined to get on with life and not bother with any of the measures that I still think should be in place.

Other than  that it’s been a very lethargic day. It really is too hot to do anything. The moment you start you just pour with sweat. I did finish a book. And I’ve done some more writing. So I’m pleased with that. I played the game with my friend and we communicated via WhatsApp but she’s gone very quiet on me. I’m really not sure what to do. I don’t want to be a nuisance but if she doesn’t wanna talk to me then I will respect that. I hope she knows I care. And this time next week, as long as they don’t change the date again, she will be in hospital.

My head is in a weird place. I feel so strange so much of the time. I feel if I’m living some kind of surreal existence and I’m actually the only person around in the world. Even though I see others going by my window there’s so much distance between us that it’s almost as if they don’t exist. Today I tried to analyse exactly what the difference is between now and pre-lockdown. On Wednesday I would’ve done very similar things. My veg delivery would still have gone ahead. Rubbish would still have needed to be put outside. I would’ve gone to my yoga class and perhaps interact socially with the teacher and other members of the class. Then I would’ve come home and been here just as I am today. But it would’ve felt so different. Very often I only went out once a day just as I do now. Okay, I had the freedom of choosing whenever I liked. But I still spent a great deal of time at home and I didn’t feel as trapped and isolated as I do now.

My dear friend who does my feet has had a terrible shock. Her dog lost his hearing and when they took him to the vets they suspected a brain tumour! So the poor little fellow has had to undergo all manner of tests and scans. But the good news is that it’s not a brain tumour. They’ve discovered from an MRI that he has deep inner ear infections in both ears. So he’s on a course of antibiotics which should do the trick. But they’ve been worried sick about him. Pets are wonderful but they do give you sleepless nights at times.

In wider news the country is in recession. No surprise there surely? It seemed inevitable from the moment businesses were required to close down. But, how do we get out of it? Are we paying the price for being this acquisitive, consumerist, money driven society? Lockdown might have given us an opportunity to re-explore old values and redefine some different perspectives, exam on what’s really important in life. I don’t think people have grasped that opportunity with as much enthusiasm as they could’ve done.

Day One Hundred and Forty Nine - Too Hot to Think Straight

...... But I'll do my best! Hot, sticky night when I didn't sleep very well at all. I can't blame it on dogs, open windows or anything but the humidity. At one point I thought sod the walk I'll have a lay in and try and catch up on some of the sleep. But I couldn't. So I up I got and off I went. Managed the steps, picked a handful of blackberries. There are less there now. And other people have been picking too. But I can't complain. I've had a veritable feast this last couple of weeks.

A most pleasant, unexpected and unforecasted rain shower had me wondering whether I should go scuttling up to the health food store as I'm down to my last bag of cereal. In the end I decided against it. A little laundry and a little pottering. Sorting out papers. Reading a little, writing a little. Eating a lot. That's my day really.

Starting to feel very anxious and stressed about the impending thunderstorms. Brings back such awful memories. I feel quite unwell when I get stressed and anxious now. I guess that's what happens when you get older. And things worry me more. That's why I've been so paranoid about coronavirus. If I was younger I wouldn't worry nearly so much.

New Zealand had its first case of Covid for 102 days. And of course the Prime Minister stepped into action immediately, put Auckland on lockdown. They will track and trace and find the source, I'm sure. I watched her announcement. It was so calm, so decisive and yet there was something reassuring about it, such a difference between the briefings we get in this country.

And in complete contrast from Russia, Putin says the world's first vaccine has been approved for use.
Russia seems to have been very quiet during the whole of this pandemic.

I feel very bad about maintaining contact with people. I have so many emails to write and phone calls to make. But I'm struggling to do these simple things. I don't think my head in a terribly good place. But I don't know if I'm objective enough to try and analyse it. And yet I can witter on this blog every day. And really, when it comes down to it, what am I saying? Nothing.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Eight - It's This Damned Heat, Carruthers......

Another hot one which has seen me sticky and sweaty. Sorry for that much detail. But it's going to get worse. Because I have gone "ubercommando" which basically means I'm not wearing a bra. Call me a rebel, call me a harlot, if you will. I'm just too damned hot.

Of course in this heat it's very difficult to sleep. I did manage to doze off but I made the stupid mistake of leaving the windows, not open exactly, but on what is called ventilation. I thought it would be a good idea to let the cool, night air in. Of course that's not all that was let in. It lets in every damn noise. And when my charming neighbours decided on the stroke of midnight that it was a perfectly fine time to let the dogs out for a good, old bark it woke me up. I was not amused. I didn't really sleep properly after that. So I was up and out for my walk early. It was definitely cooler and even though I was feeling a bit muddy and not really wanting to walk I'm very glad I did it. Have even sorted my steps dilemma. Instead of walking the path down to the steps to come up them,  I go down the steps turn round and come up! Such a simple solution. I can't think why I didn't think of it before. Of course it depends whether anybody else decides to come down or up while I'm on them because there's no way of maintaining a social distance if they do. But most of the rest of the world doesn't seem to want to keep social distance anymore. It's only me and a handful of early walkers who still observe this quaint and ancient custom of staying 2 m apart. Didn't even look at the blackberries today. Just went for my walk, passed Sue briefly and exchanged a good morning, and came home.

And I'm back to pottering and faffing again. Which is all I've done today -  just too hot to do anything else. I've arranged a Waitrose online delivery for Wednesday. I was so appalled by Sainsbury's pre-covid approach that I've decided to go for a change. We'll see how they do.

And in the wider world of covid news. Biggest rise in positive tests for six weeks but hospitalisations appear to be down. Not sure what to make of that. I think the real test will come a few weeks after the schools go back. That's the UK. Australia and Brazil still seem to be suffering high numbers of infections. Not to mention the US.

Over and out now because I'm back to where we started, sticky and sweaty, too damn hot.

Day One Hundred and Forty Seven - Signs of the Times

The council have erected another sign on the cliffs this week.

 I’m only sad it’s taken lockdown for them to act on these boot camps. For several years they’ve behaved as if they have some right to the cliffs that supersedes other people wanting to walk and enjoy the space. The classes are quite large sometimes and you cannot negotiate the path because they’re all blocking them with their exercises. If they just use the grassed spaces I don’t think people would see them as such a problem. So I’m pleased that finally something is being done.

I talked to the photography man again the other day. His name is Stephen Bennett and he has a website. I’ve signed up to get any notifications. He said at the moment he’s not going to put his dancing flower pictures on there because he primarily does landscapes. But he says he might put some up at some point. I look forward to seeing them. Particularly as I’ve seen him at work taking the photos.

Supposedly it’s not as hot today. I haven’t actually noticed that to be honest. So yet again another day when I’ve done very little. Had a good walk this morning. I’m including a flight of steps into the regime now. I wear a glove on one hand so that I can hang onto the railings because I can’t climb without holding on. I’ve done that for the last couple of days. But I have to walk down the stretch of pavement to reach them and I’m worried that it will be crowded with commuters on their way to work and there won’t be space to social distance. So I’ll have to see.

I changed my bedding and got it all washed and dry and back on the bed. I love it when I can do that. But I sat about most of the day trying to stay cool. I don’t know what possessed me but I suddenly started looking through old photograph albums. When I say old, I mean old. Going right back to the 1970s! I have several dedicated to my cats. I actually couldn’t bear to look at them. They make me sad. And I’m tired of feeling sad. There are also lots of my days as a school teacher. Photos of classes I had and colleagues I worked with. I was trying to see if I could remember their names. I could remember a lot of them but I’m sad that my memory is not nearly as good as it once was.

There are thunderstorms forecast for later in the week. I’m dreading them. There are Met office warning. Because they say they’re going to be severe. I think I wrote earlier in the blog about the devastation I endured when my house got hit by lightning in 2003.If it happens again in these lockdown coronavirus situations I just don’t know what I‘ll do. So I’m  very scared. Although lighting is never supposed to strike twice that’s a load of baloney according to the guys that repaired the aerial the last time. They said they’ve been back to one place three times, it has been struck so often. 

Oh dear. Bit of a negative post today isn’t it? It’s  just because I’m hot and I’m not doing anything constructive. Pay me no mind. Once we get some cooler weather I’ll be back into action. 😃

Day One Hundred and Forty-Six - Clean ups and Tidy ups

My friend’s leg is much, much better. She didn’t even decide to take the antibiotics although she is going to keep an eye on it. She’s been icing it, resting it and keeping it elevated. Certainly hasn’t got any worse and she says it’s less swollen than yesterday. That’s one bit of good news.

The other is that within 24 hours the council have managed to clean up the vandalised signs. Part of me wonders how long they will stay unvandalised. Another part of me resents the fact that they’ve had to spend their time cleaning up after such mindless morons. And another part of me is glad that they’ve metaphorically stuck two fingers up at the yobbos. So they deserve me posting this photo!

Lovely early walk this morning in the comparative cool. In fact it even drizzled. Which was wonderfully refreshing in the heat. One of the walkers said there was the most glorious full arced rainbow which I didn’t see because I was walking in the other direction. I’m sorry I missed it because I love rainbows. 

I have again given into the heat and done very little today. I did one great big tidy up blitz. Mess gets on my nerves. And even though the end result might not be actually tidy in the real sense of the word it’s tidier than it was, if you see what I mean.

You might be wondering about the fridge. Well it did come on again. Which was a relief. But I’m still keeping an eye on it. Because there was a bottle of sparkling water in there. I suppose it was about a quarter full. And it froze! In the fridge! That’s not right. I do wonder whether it’s something to do with the extreme heat? Also the timbre of the noise is slightly different. Also noticed that the carrots had frozen so had the cucumber. I’ll see what happens when the heat wave is over. But we’ve had heatwaves before and I don’t think I can remember anything untoward happening. Maybe I just didn’t observe it.

I was chatting with my next door neighbour over the wall yesterday evening. She is as fed up with all the noise as I am. She said she often ends up going indoors because she can’t stand it any longer. That’s very sad but it also means it isn’t just me! 

It’s the weekend so I’ve given the news very little attention. We all need a rest from it sometimes. I don’t think anything much will have changed. I wonder whether to avoid the news altogether and just carry on as I’ve been doing. I wonder if anybody would let me know if for example lockdown was completely lifted! Coronaviruses completely eradicated! The vaccine, successful vaccine, was readily available! Hope so otherwise I’m totally screwed!

Day One Hundred and Forty Five - Hot! Hot! Hot!

Supposed to be the hottest day of the year so far and poised to break records. I can believe it. I’ve stayed indoors most of the day out of the sun and in the front of the house where it’s north facing and slightly cooler. Cool is a relative term at the moment. I treated myself to an ice lolly this afternoon. I’d ordered a box in my weekly shop in anticipation of this heatwave. I fear I may have trouble sleeping tonight. Not simply because it’s hot but because the revellers will be out in force in my neighbourhood I’m pretty sure. The new people/person, I’m not sure, is very loud. Sometimes I’m think I’m living in an episode of EastEnders.

I had a nice early walk before it got hot. But I’m a little concerned about my friend. She has a couple of insect bites. I think she must’ve scratched one in the night and broken the skin. And it might be infected. Because it looks swollen and red. And because of her autoimmune problem it could be quite serious. She’s had to phone the doctors for some antibiotics and she’s been told to put ice on it and rest it. So I’m just hoping she’s going to be okay. Otherwise I think it’s a hospital job and she is terrified of picking up the virus if she has to go to hospital. We think we got bitten chatting one morning. I have a couple of bites to my arm but I’ve tried very hard not to scratch them so the skin is not broken. They’re definitely not gnat  bites, they have a different look to them.

I was absolutely disgusted this morning on my walk. Earlier in the week the council had erected a couple of signs asking people not to do group running up and down the steps. I can see why. Even without social distancing and the threat of a killer virus it’s intimidating if you’re going either up or down to be rushed by a group of people running full pelt. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request at all, the steps are not a running track or part of an athletic stadium. People use them to get to the station primarily go down to the sea.

But someone has done this to both signs. Don’t ask what they’ve done it with. I dread to think.

I hope I’m worrying unnecessarily but I’m awfully fearful that my fridge freezer has broken down. In the normal way I don’t pay a great deal of attention to when the compressor switches on and off but I’m aware of the noise when it’s on. I was putting something in there this afternoon and it was making the noise and then it suddenly stopped. To me it cut out very suddenly. That was,I suppose, about 3 pm this afternoon and it’s not gone back on again since. Everything still seems to be very cold but I’m quite surprised that I haven’t heard it again. Always found it to be one of the noisiest fridge freezers I have ever had. And I put that down to it being a frost free freezer. I’ve had a read through the manual but can’t find anything helpful. Fortunately I am insured so I’ve got all the paperwork out and ready. But I don’t relish the idea of having to have an engineer who might not social distance and will be touching everything. Neither do I relish the idea of losing a freezer full of food. But it seems now to be an awfully long time in this kind of heat for the compressor not to have switched back on.

The news continues to baffle and confuse me. One headline tells us that the virus has levelled out in this country. Another says the R rate is rising. If it’s levelling out how can it be rising? I still have no idea really what’s going on.

My poor friend has had her surgery pushed back five days. I do feel sorry for her. Get yourself all psyched up for it and then to be told, no you’ve got to wait another five days. And the date of the Covid test has changed as well. More prolonged quarantine too. Not just for her but for her partner and her daughter. Another five days now and then of course there will be the seven days quarantine after the surgery.

Auntie Pat is still in bed most of the time and can’t speak on the phone. There is some convoluted system where we can phone the home and then they can try and get the phone answered in her room but it’s often not charged. And in this kind of heat I haven’t the heart to bother them to be honest.

What a year this is turning out to be. And that’s an understatement. I’m now going to go and to see if the fridge might hopefully switch back on again. Wish me luck.

Day One Hundred and Forty Four - Auld Acquaintance

I realised that one of the people I'm waving to and have done for a week or two now is somebody I used to know! I had that funny feeling that there was a familiarity. It was an old teaching colleague. Actually she was a supply teacher that used to come to the school every so often . She sometimes took my class. But it was good to recognise each other and say hi.

Dull weather today. But not unpleasant. Not cold. But the sun is less evident. So I'm using the time to catch up on some of my bookwork. However the Met office has issued a level three heat wave warning for this weekend. Apparently that means there is a 90% probability of heat health criteria being met as temperature is expected to reach 37° plus in some areas. I shall put most of my efforts into staying cool I think! Hopefully it will be cool enough in the morning to have an enjoyable walk.

I talked to my brother on the phone today. His car's had an MOT. It's had two new tyres. He's had his haircut. He's had to take his computer in to be repaired. He said he wore a mask for his haircut and the person that did the haircut had gloves and a mask on. He couldn't go in until everything was wiped down after the previous customer. Fingers crossed is all I can think. Conversely I haven't heard a word from my sister. I don't want to bother her if she's in quiet mode but I always hope that she's okay. Worrying is what I do best.

Scanning the news I see masses of contradictions and I don't have the energy or the inclination to try and unravel what might possibly be true! What will be will be. I shall stay home and stay safe. Heat wave and coronavirus doesn't make for the best of combinations!

Here's an update on the covid snake. Visual update at that! Those of you who looked at the video might be able to determine where it ended there and see how much further it's grown! I think it may come right back to the beginning. But you can see how parched the grass is. And you can see the green grass that's growing around and obscuring some of the stones. I still think it's quite an achievement.

Day One Hundred and Forty Three - Bits and Pieces

One of those days where nothing stands out and nothing much is achieved. Yet I don’t seem to have been sitting about doing nothing. One of those days where I don’t know where the time goes . But I’ve got nothing concrete to show for it. Beautiful morning. Again. Lovely walk. The sun was rising and made the clouds look absolutely beautiful and some of the trees were glowing in its rays.It has been a privilege to observe over the passage of the seasons how the landscape changes. So subtle, some of it. I think, too, of the beautiful yellow broom tree where I looked at my socially distant crows. Doesn’t stand out at all now as it’s lost all that gorgeous yellow blossom. I never saw it before. Yet it must’ve been there for years. I’m hoping that I’ll get to see it again next year. More blackberries? You bet. Chat with Sue? Oh yes. And back home to sort out all the garbage as it is refuse collection day. And to prepare for my organic vegetable delivery. It offers a curious little burst of intensive activity on a Wednesday morning. Breakfast outside in the sunshine. I have to sometimes take stock and understand just how lucky I am.

Some messages passed to and fro with my friend and I. I think she’s starting to get a little anxious about next week. The time has come. It’s scary. I’m going to give her a ring tomorrow. Not that I can actually do anything to help but maybe if she can articulate how she is feeling it might help.

I had lots of clerical bits to do with some of my reading and book review commitments. Because of the pandemic many of the publishing dates have changed. So I had to go through very carefully checking the books that were to be published and the dates that have been put back. I made a big faux pas earlier with a book that I didn’t check and the publishing date had been changed. The author was very sweet about it. But to me it’s inefficient and I must really make sure I don’t do it again.

The news suggests that summer will end in a couple of weeks and we are headed for some largely autumnal weather. So I wanted to try and make the most of what’s left of the warmth. And I literally pottered about outside, looking at cuttings and popping them in pots and in places where I hope they grow. I’m was very windy out there, though, which took the edge off the pleasure of a bit. I was battling the breeze much of the time. I always mourn the passing of the summer. But I seem to be dreading it more in this lockdown. If the weather changes dramatically the socially distanced visits conducted  outside will come to an end. Whether social distancing comes to an end or not is irrelevant. Sitting outside will have to. And I’m not sure what I’ll do then. I know lots of people are perfectly comfortable to have others in their home. I just haven’t reached that point yet.

I’m going to be interested to see what happens after the schools have gone back. If the infection rate drops and it’s supposed to be dropping I’ll review my own situation. And I’m going to have to summon some courage and determination to wean myself back into a more normal life. But I’m finding myself confused because some places are having to go under lockdown. Places like Manchester and Aberdeen. So my caution remains.

Day One Hundred and Forty Two - King of the World

Lovely dry morning. Not a cloud in the sky. The smell of salt in the air. Almost perfect. On mornings like these I can almost forget about coronavirus and lockdowns and social distancing. Sometimes when I reach the top of the road where I can start to see the sea I have this absurd and irrational desire to rush across the road and scream at the top of my voice, like Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm the king of the world! Only at 5.30 in the morning it really seems quite selfish to do something like that so I restrain myself.

The protracted conversations I'm having with my friend, Sue, in the mornings mean that I return home later and later from my walk. I had to chuckle to myself today because it was 7.30 before I sat down to breakfast. Pre Sue it was about 6.30! Not that I mind. I enjoy exchanging ideas and thoughts and finding out that I'm not so alone in my covid thinking. Sue said similar. She said she really looks forward to our little chats. We have to remind ourselves that we should be walking! In case you're wondering why we don't walk and chat at the same time it's because none of this is prearranged. We never know if we're going to bump into each other on our walks and that actually makes it more fun. Once things start to become routine I don't think they're nearly so appealing. Also Sue prefers a different route to me. Her route incorporates all the steps and I can't manage the steps. I'd like to say yet. But I'm away off from that at the moment. I think I set out earlier than she does as well so I'm generally on my return lap when I bump into her.

Scanning the news today I see that the number of countries who were initially praised for their responses to the coronavirus crisis are now seeing a resurgence of cases, or many of them are. Some countries that have used very strict knockdowns like Spain are seeing new outbreaks. I find it all very mystifying. Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to contain this thing at all. Sadly my thoughts seem to be in line with what the head of the world health organisation is warning. He says "there may never be a silver bullet to beat coronavirus" and there may never be a perfect vaccine to end the pandemic. Not what we want to hear is it? Basically means it's something we've got to learn to live with.


I've been fretting about the fact that I don't know when I'll see my brother again. And sometimes when I'm in a particularly dark and gloomy mood I wonder if I'll ever see him again. But I don't like letting my mind wander down that path because it upsets me too much. But I had a conversation with somebody who has a close relative living the other side of the world. They haven't seen each other for eight years. The likelihood is that they will never see each other again. One of them has cancer. I questioned how on earth you can bear such a thing. They talk on the phone frequently and they email. It started me thinking about physical presence. Is that the essence of a person? You can still love and communicate with somebody even if you can't be in their physical circle. It's second-best and it's a compromise for sure but somehow having this conversation gave me a little peace. I talk with my brother twice a week on the phone. I put it on speakerphone because it then sounds as if he's in the next room. And I think because I know him so well I can usually visualise his facial gestures when he's talking. I need to focus on that perhaps. Because, realistically, and assuming we both stay well it's going to be a long time before there is even any hope of seeing him again. At least I get to see my sister. That's something. Got to look for the positives and try and stay a bit upbeat.

Day One Hundred and Forty One - Soakings and Soupings

I suppose it had to happen. Inevitability. Given the number of days I've been out walking in the morning the fact that in 140 of them I've not once got soaked to the skin because of an itinerant rainshower is pretty good going. Well, you know what I'm going to say don't you! Today was the day. It was dry when I set off but I hadn't walked for more than about 5/10 minutes before I felt spots of rain. They got harder and harder. Until it was really raining. And I was getting drenched. But you know what? It was exhilarating. And I enjoyed it. What was also interesting was the few people who were also happy to walk or jog in the rain. We're the diehards, the heavyweights! If  Miss wet T-shirt was still a thing I might have been a contender! 😉

Here is a lovely little piece of irony. There is a scheme called 'eat out to help out 'where UK diners are being offered 50% off their bills in an effort to lure folk back into restaurants and pubs. It's a government initiative. The same government that is concerned about obesity!

There is a new 90 minute coronavirus test and the Health Secretary is suggesting that it might be used in schools. Schools are still scheduled to open in September amidst fears of a second wave.
And sewage testing is being conducted across England in a bid to develop 'waste water based COVID-19 surveillance'. Apparently scientists discovered early in the pandemic (first I've heard about it) that infected people shed the virus in their faeces. Shit! They are monitoring for fragments of coronavirus genetic material and it will give people a head start on way a new outbreaks are likely to occur. I am tempted to say don't be too hasty in poo-pooing this initiative as a crap idea. But I won't.

After all the work my sister did in the garden yesterday it inspired me to set to and do a little bit more. The end of the garden looks much neater and tidier and I also gave it a good soaking with the sprinkler. I potted up some cuttings and the plants my sister brought down yesterday. There is no easy way to say it. I have too many house plants. When I went to empty the debris into the garden wastebin I also decided to try and clear away some of the weeds from the cracks in the paving. I've got a special tool to do it. It's not terribly effective but it means I can do it standing up rather than down on my hands and knees. But it does hurt my hands. I think it's one of the things that really set them off this season. So I can't do it for long. I was just about to head back in when a guy in a huge 4x4 pulled up outside my gate, and said, 'Your driveway? Why don't you use a jet washer?' I just said "Nope". I simply couldn't be bothered to try and explain that I was weeding but my hands hurt blah blah blah and I wouldn't use a jet washer anyway because I don't own one and they are wasteful of water. He seemed peeved. I can't think why.

And I made a big pan of vegetable soup which was extremely tasty although I say it myself. I seem to have been active most of the day but I don't really know what I've done! I played the pop master game and had a half-hour chat with my friend on the phone. They're putting their quarantine time to good use making things and she didn't sound too downbeat about it. I did manage a half hour or so in the garden reading which was most pleasant.

Day One Hundred and Forty - Siblings in the Sun

I had a successful visit today from my sister. She was more relaxed with lockdown protocols than our previous visit. She’s visited a couple of friends since the last trip. She was happy for me to cook her a meal. Did a one pot meal that I could serve without touching. Didn’t want to serve salad because I think salad is such a ‘touchy‘ meal! And she was happy to use my utensils. She brought me a couple of plants. She helped me in the garden as well. I must admit I was a bit worried about her because she doesn’t move as well as she used to and she uses a stick because of her dislocated knee. But she still managed to do a lot of clearing and deadheading for me. She also took lots of photographs of the butterflies and the bees and we spent ages observing a young damselfly on the salvia. And in the midst of our visit my brother called so we were able to kind of have a three way conversation. It’s not the same as all being together but it was nice. It was also reasonably quiet day. There were some socially distant loud conversations which made it difficult for us to converse and a brief frenzy of dog barking. I was quite relieved though overall because some days with the noise it would have been impossible for us to talk much without interruption. The only downside to the day was that she couldn’t find a parking space. Though I do have a small driveway because her movement is impaired it made it quite uncomfortable to get in and out of the car. Otherwise it was all fine.

I did manage an early walk and had a good chat with Sue. But my sister’s s visit took up the day. So I’m leaving it here today. I’ll be back tomorrow though!😉

Day One Hundred and Thirty Nine - Unshielded

Today is the day that the people who have been shielding since March can now go out for the first time. Is it further evidence of my perversity that I find this ironic? These are the highly vulnerable people for whom contracting Covid could mean almost certain hospitalisation. And as infection rates start to rise in the country the shielding is paused. I think that if I were one of those people I probably wouldn't go out. Or maybe do what I'm already doing, go out at a time when there are very few people around.

It was so hot last night I didn't sleep. I was lying on the covers, then  under the covers. Too hot, too chilly. I couldn't get comfy. I couldn't relax. I wandered round the house. I drank water but I couldn't get to sleep. Eventually I dozed, probably about three in the morning? So when the time came to get up and prep for my walk I turned over and tried to sleep again which I did for about an hour and a half. But it means I'm feeling a bit ragged today. Not to mention lacking in exercise.

I also think I spent too long yesterday sitting down in the same chair.  I've had a lot of lower back pain. Just one step away from taking painkillers which I've resisted so far. My sister is coming down tomorrow so I need to spruce things up a bit. So I've been running the Hoover round and cleaning the kitchen floor. Bless her, in spite of the fact that she can't walk without a stick, she's offered to do some gardening for me because she knows how troublesome my hands are at the moment. I doubt that I shall let her. Doesn't seem fair at all. But maybe the pair of us could do a bit of social distance weeding for a half hour so.

Woe of woes. Some new people have moved into the ground floor flat the other side of my rear neighbours. I'm beginning to wonder if they might be related. Because they seem to be as loud. And they have a dog. I know they've just moved in but there've been dogs, wailing babies, music, power tools, foghorn conversations this morning. Makes me realise how lucky I was yesterday to get such a long stretch of time when I could sit outside and read. And the new dog has set the others all off barking. It was like Battersea dogs home out there this morning but louder. 😉

But I am wondering whether I'm just a miserable, intolerant old lady. I keep saying to myself it never used to be like this. I'm telling myself that a lot of it is to do with lockdown and the concentration of people all around at one time. I need to try and stop reacting to it all. Just shrug my shoulders, shut the doors and come into my study to escape the worst of it. But there is a part of me that says it shouldn't be that way. I suppose the one good thing about the easing of lockdown is that people are returning to work so there's not as many people around during the weekdays anyway.

There is some talk of pubs closing again to allow schools to open! It is being referred to as a "trade-off". Apparently there is a rise in the number of infections in younger people. That didn't seem to have been a problem up to now so naturally there must be some concerns about children returning to school in September. Of course such an idea has its objectors. One professor said that if testing were more efficient there would be no need for these trade-offs. Her actual word was "coherent".  I'm not into politics at all but I still think the managing of this thing is so difficult for anybody, regardless of the politics. It's so easy to say oh, they got it wrong, and yes I do think they've got a lot of it wrong but how does anyone know what the right thing to do is? This is a virus that is mutating faster than I can eat a whole packet of Hobnobs and that's pretty fast.

Day One Hundred and Thirty Eight - Scorcher Plus

And I thought yesterday was hot. Well today beats it by degrees -  literally.  Once again I'm so glad I take my walk nice and early. Although I'm out for longer and longer as my chats with Sue get longer and longer! The blackberries I picked today I've put in the freezer. I think I might quite like to get them out in the future and remember that they were picked during The Pandemic.

I've used the heat as an excuse to do nothing today apart from reading. Is that nothing? It never is to me but there are those who view it purely as a leisure activity. It isn't a book I have to read for review or blogging purposes. It is purely for my own pleasure.

I didn't see this today but Sue did. Some chap was jogging and his dog was attached to him by some kind of strap or conveyance and the poor dog was having to keep up with him. But what intrigued Sue was that it looked as if at any moment the dog could've just tripped him up or he might caught up in this contraption. I've seen people on bikes supposedly "walking" the dogs at the same time. It does seem a rather precarious activity for both man and beast.

Big news today is that our prime minister has made some lockdown changes. Plans to reopen places like casinos, ice rinks and bowling alleys have been postponed with just hours to spare. There have been some spikes primarily in the north of England that have caused some stricter lockdowns to be enforced. Cases have begun to rise in England and I suppose that if it could happen in one part of the country it can happen elsewhere. I actually think this is the correct decision to make however haphazardly it's been done. But, there had to be a but didn't there,  paradoxically, shielding for the 2.2 million vulnerable people will still end tomorrow! Unless they're in part of the strict lockdown area when I guess it will continue. Face coverings will be mandatory now in cinemas and churches. Why don't we go the whole hog and say wear facemasks whenever you're indoors, as well as out if you fancy it. The people who will comply will continue to comply and those who object will continue to object.

There's a new little mantra, if you can call it that, "Hands, face, space – get a test. "
And Chief medical Officer for England Chris Whitty says that the idea that the country could open everything up and still keep the virus under control is clearly wrong. He reckons that the UK has potentially reached the limit for how much of society can be opened up.. Schools are reopening in September, Professor Whitty, what do you reckon to that?

 Again I stand by my continued stance that to remain in lockdown is the only sensible thing to do.

Day One Hundred and Thirty Seven - Scorcher

Oooops! Malfunction on the part of the blogger delayed the publishing of this blog post. 

Today is turned into a bit of a scorcher. I'm grateful I have the routine of getting up really early and going for a walk. Because I wouldn't fancy doing it now. But I'd miss the walk. Blackberries for breakfast yet again. There is something delightful about "free" food. I tried to do a little clearing in the garden. It really was too hot and the continuing problem of my hands hurting kind of put a stop to it. But I always think every little bit helps. It's funny though it used to be that I could keep going until my back hurt. Now I only keep going until my hand seizes up. Such fun this ageing lark!

Coronavirus news today -  they have extended the period of self isolation from 7 days to 10 days. I often wonder if they had kept it at the original 14 days would we have seen so many cases and so many deaths? Damning statement that England has the highest number of excess deaths in Europe during the pandemic and that's from official data apparently - this from The Guardian - 

'ONS report on excess deaths in Europe - Summary

• The ONS says that in the first half of 2020 England had “the longest continuous period of excess mortality of any country compared, resulting in England having the highest levels of excess mortality in Europe for the period as a whole”. 

• It says that Spain had the highest peak level of excess deaths. England had the second highest national peak. That means that although overall, over the whole period, England had the highest levels of excess deaths, at a particular stage in the crisis the situation in Spain was worse.

• It says, when you compare local authority areas rather than countries, the highest rates of excess deaths were in central Spain and northern Italy. The highest peak was in Bergamo in northern Italy, where excess deaths reached 847.7% in the week ending 20 March. By comparison, in the UK Brent was the local authority area with the highest peak excess mortality, at 249.7% in the week ending 17 April.

• It says, when you compare cities, Madrid had the highest peak level of excess deaths. In Madrid they reached 432.7% in the week ending 27 March. In the UK Birmingham had the highest peak excess mortality, at 249.7% in the week ending 17 April.

• It says that in the UK every local authority area had excess deaths during the peak of the crisis in April, but that in other European countries there was more regional variation, and they experienced “more geographically localised excess mortality”.'

Makes for sobering reading, doesn't it? Even the Prime Minister is warning people that this crisis isn't over yet. In fact he said people shouldn't delude themselves. Earlier he should've spoken to me a lot earlier. I could've advised him far more effectively than Dominic bloody Cummings! I could've told him that people are deluded. I've been looking at them through my window for weeks now. Maybe I should've been prime minister? I would have closed the borders right away and tried to stop all travel between countries. That would've been my first move. And I still reckon that had that been done we might not even have needed a lockdown. But that wonderful thing-  hindsight-  is of absolutely zero use right now. 

Loads of gatekeeper butterflies flying about today. Unbothered. They don't have to quarantine or self isolate or social distance. It's a joy to behold. My poor old buddleia is looking very brown and sorry for itself. And I simply can't do all that I need to do to it. I've never been able to tie it back efficiently on my own. And I've tried to deadhead as many blooms as I can but it's grown so tall. I couldn't reach it without steps and I'm way too wobbly on them nowadays. So with regret I just have to leave it. I think the bees and the butterflies are a little bit disappointed in me. However the lavender has been a great success this year. There's rarely been less than half a dozen bees on it at any one time. Certainly feel like I'm doing my bit for the bees.

My friend's daughter reckons that eating Quorn upsets her stomach. That's a bit of a disaster because the majority of the meals I prepared for her are Quorn-based meals. The first one I did she reckoned she absolutely loved so I set to and made more of the same! Well, it isn't actually that she doesn't like them, it's that they give her the collywobbles. It's no problem for me because I can eat all of them but it just means that it's left her short of meals. So I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board and have a think about what I can do for her,  feasible meals that she can heat up easily. It's going to be really important when her mum is in hospital. I'm going to try some soya mince and see if that is okay for her. Otherwise it's gonna be lentils, chickpeas et cetera. I think she eats fish and I know that her mum likes fish so she can eat the same meal when fish is on the menu. 

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Six - Farewells, Friends and Track 'n' Tracing

I've just returned from spending a couple of hours in my friend's garden before she starts her three week plus quarantine tomorrow. I felt a bit sad. But I wanted to keep it together for her sake. She is so optimistic. It's as if once the kidney is gone that's it and she'll be fine. But I don't think that will be quite the end of the treatment. They will surely check her for cancer periodically and she still has to be rescanned for them to look at her pelvis again. But let's just take one step at a time. She now has two weeks quarantine before the surgery but she has to go up three days before to have a Covid test. They say she'll be in hospital three days and then she can come home. Whether she has to stay in bed or not I don't know. She may not feel too great although it is robotic surgery. It feels like a long journey ahead. I gave her a healing angel bracelet to take to hospital with her.

Her daughter and another friend were there as well but we were all socially distanced. Something interesting I found out and it hasn't happened to me. But the track and trace app is automatically downloaded on peoples' phones whether they wanted it or not. They have the option to activate it if they wish. My phone is so old it doesn't appear to have downloaded to mine. The fact that they can do that without even asking or telling you bothers me dreadfully. There is an argument for it being necessary. But it seems odd that something like that cannot be discussed or talked about openly and yet there's all this hooha about wearing a face mask.

The daughter has her return flight booked for the end of August. Somehow I felt shocked by that because I think it's too soon. But she can't stay away for ever. Her poor husband is having to deal with all the animals in their animal sanctuary on his own. I know my friend will be distraught when she goes back. It really has been marvellous having her here for the moral and emotional support her mum so badly needs at the moment. I think it would be a very different story if she hadn't managed to get over here. However her brother is still being a total arse. He's resolved the issue with his mum but he's still at odds with his sister who he thinks ruined his daughter's birthday. I'm furious with him.

The weather seems to have improved today. More sustained periods of sunshine and it has felt warmer. But I will say that there is a very autumnal nip in the air in the mornings. I may have already said that before. Tough. I'm saying it again. Solitary walk this morning. No conversations but a fist full of blackberries. They're so delicious.

Nicola Sturgeon the Prime Minister of Scotland says she is concerned about people getting a bit lax over coronavirus. I think she's absolutely right. That is so the right word. They are getting lax. You can see it everywhere.

Some scientists believe that coronavirus could be eliminated from this country if only people would stop travelling. i.e. air travel. I think that mirrors something I suggested in a previous blog post? If I didn't write about it, it's certainly something I've thought about. Stop travel and you probably wouldn't need lockdowns. It's travelling that spread the virus anyway. Obviously. Surely it's not going to go from one country to another without people going from one country to another. Stop doing that and boom! We'll get rid of the damn thing. Or we might have done......................

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Five - Tuesday

I'm beginning to wonder whether the seasons have shifted. The beautiful weather we had at the beginning of the lockdown in March and April was more summerlike than it is now. I hate to say it given my antipathy towards the later seasons but it's very autumnal right now. It's not unpleasant. But it's very windy. It's cloudy. When the Sun can get through it's warm. But it doesn't seem like July weather. Especially if I think of last July. Still, nothing you can do about the weather, as I always say.

More blackberries! I wish I'd weighed them each day because I'm sure I must have had at least a pound. And I'm going to keep picking them until they're gone. I have them for breakfast. They're a lovely flavour.

Apart from Sue on my walk I don't think I've had a conversation with anybody properly since my old teaching colleague sat in the garden that Saturday a week or two ago. I've had various interactions with my neighbour, the window cleaner, the postman etc, and I suppose that keeps me grounded to a degree. But I can feel myself becoming very much more withdrawn and isolated. When you realise that nobody wants your company or your conversation much you start to question the point of you. I am due to pop down to see my friend tomorrow. It was to be in the morning but it's not now, it's in the afternoon. I've been pushed back further down the list. She'll be going into quarantine prior to her surgery and then afterwards so she's wanting to see everybody, I guess, before she goes. I feel sad that I don't figure more highly. But it does make me more aware of my sense of place within things as a whole and again it contributes to my becoming more withdrawn and isolated. It's taken a lockdown to heighten my awareness I think.

Travel and holiday problems, particularly in regard to Spain, endure. But surely once people started travelling again, crossing borders, it was bound to cause problems? Surely that's how the virus has spread anyway -  because people travel. To my mind it should've been the one thing that should never have been eased on lockdown anywhere in the world. Stay in your own country. I know, I know, it's easy for me to say, it is easier said than done. I know, today when business is global, not all of these deals, acquisitions and mergers can be affected when working from home. But if the population of a country can be contained I think the virus could be more easily contained. I mean just look at what's happening in Europe. It can't be a coincidence that the spikes are occurring and countries are easing lockdowns.

Well I can sit back confident that my role as a curmudgeonly, miserable old lady has been ably filled today.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Four - Monday Greys

I nearly didn't get up this morning. It seemed so dark that I thought I'd got the time wrong. But I hadn't. It was so gloomy today and on the brink of rain for the whole of my walk. Nevertheless I still managed to come home with a nice bag of blackberries. I've done very well out of this foraging lark. I bumped into Sue on several occasions as we followed our own routes it was quite amusing. I only saw one of my other "wavers". Don't know what's happened to everybody else. I don't know whether to be worried about them or not. Not long after I got back it poured.

I had a heartbreaking incident last night. I was preparing my meal in the kitchen and I glanced out of the window and saw a bird on the bird bath. I wasn't surprised by this because that's why I have a bird bath. And it's not the first time I've seen a bird on the bird bath! However when the same bird was there half an hour later I felt concerned. So I went out and approached him/her/it very gradually and quietly. It was a young jay. Absolutely beautiful. Fluffy little feathers and those innocent, trusting eyes but he was just standing on the bird bath. He made no attempt to fly away which bothered me because I thought that he might be injured. There was nothing visible that I could see. I wondered if perhaps he'd been shocked by something and was just recovering. So I went back indoors and left him. Another half an hour went by and there was still no change. He was still not moving and in the same place. So I grabbed a handful of peanuts to see if perhaps he was weak and needed to feed. As I tried to throw the peanuts to him he did pop off the bird bath and into the undergrowth clearly alarmed. It looked to me as if he was injured and possibly couldn't fly. That upset me a lot. I left him alone. I didn't want to shock him or frighten him anymore. Because I know that sometimes the shock can kill a bird. And I trawled the Internet to see if I could find any help or advice. But a lot of the charitable organisations are quite understandably affected by coronavirus and were more or less telling me to get in touch with a vet. But at that time on a Sunday evening I felt it was unlikely that the vet would be of any help. And there was no way I could get there. I didn't know what to do. I found a little pot of water because I thought he's got food and he's got water that's maybe all he needs and I felt he was better in the undergrowth than he was standing out like a sore thumb on the bird bath. I put some more peanuts down as well but that just seem to frighten him. Once again I thought it best to leave him so I came in doors but I just couldn't settle or get him out of my mind. So I texted my next door neighbour. He's been a bird lover for years and is quite knowledgeable. So I briefly told him. The next thing I know he's knocking at my door. He kept a social distance I'm glad to say. And he said the bird had been in his garden for the last couple of days. He had seen the parents about but he thinks they've left the bird to fend for himself. He thinks the bird was stopped by a cat and flew up and over the fence. He thinks the bird can fly. I'm not sure if the cat might actually have nicked him. I said I don't think the bird can fly. So my neighbour asked if he could come round the side and have a look. He did. And he observed the bird for awhile. And he said he's moving in exactly the same way as he was in the garden. Anyway he said as long as he's got food and water and he's just left alone we have to let nature take its course. He said trying to catch him and take him somewhere could kill him which I had considered. So that's what I did with my heart in my mouth, I left the little fella there in the undergrowth. I refilled the water pot and put some more peanuts down. When I looked this morning the water pot had been knocked over and the peanuts were still there but I couldn't see the bird anywhere. My neighbour reckons that if anything had caught him there would be feathers in evidence. I hope he finally got brave enough and was able to fly. Or his parents came back for him. I'll always wonder what happened to him.

The window cleaner turned up unexpectedly today today. I didn't mind. The rain has stopped and I think we'll have a few clear days or dry days. He usually texts. Now he reckons he doesn't have my number which was rubbish because he's texted in the past! Anyway I was here and I was able to open up the side way and pay him. Which I'm glad about  otherwise he wants paying by bank transfer and all that nonsense.

My friend sent me some photos of her weekend barbecue at her son's. She reckons there were only nine people there, only one was out of their bubble and they were all socially distanced. I would have to say the photos suggest otherwise. There is one of her daughter hugging the niece. But it's not for me to comment. I found that people talk the talk but they don't necessarily walk the walk. People bend the protocols to their own ends. Not even sure they realise it because they swear blind they are locked down and following all the rules. She starts her two week quarantine on Thursday prior to her surgery and then she has to quarantine for a week after that. I'm hoping to pop in to see her on the Wednesday, I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks now although we are connecting via the pop master game.

This today -

'The UK’s Chief Veterinary Officer has confirmed that the virus responsible for COVID-19 has been detected in a pet cat in the UK.

The infection was confirmed following tests at the Animal and Plant Health Agency (APHA) laboratory in Weybridge on Wednesday 22 July.

Although this is the first confirmed case of an animal infection with the coronavirus strain in the UK, there is no evidence to suggest that the animal was involved in transmission of the disease to its owners or that pets or other domestic animals are able to transmit the virus to people.

The advice from Public Health England is for people to wash their hands regularly, including before and after contact with animals.

All available evidence suggests that the cat contracted the coronavirus from its owners who had previously tested positive for COVID-19. The cat and its owners have since made a full recovery and there was no transmission to other animals or people in the household.'

So, animals can catch COVID-19 from the owners. Interesting. How about the other way round? Can owners catch COVID-19 from their pets? I've not stroked any cats or dogs during this pandemic. Not from choice, believe me, but from common sense. I think that common sense must prevail.

Still feeling a bit down today. I think it's pandemic pessimism. They'll probably come up with some kind of mnemonic for a person's mental state following, during and after lockdown. Maybe I can get counselling. I'm joking. But it's no joke.