Day Fifteen - The One Where I Look for the Positives

Here's  a little teaser to start you off. From the title of today's post do you know which song I listened to this morning on my walk?  No prizes but pop your answer in the comments box!

I've decided to try and make today's post a positive and uplifting one. That's not to diminish the gravity of the situation we're in but I feel at times I've been too negative, dark and critical. Ultimately that's unhelpful.

So what good has come out of this kerfuffle so far? It's made me consider, even more than I was doing already, my overall consumption of goods perishable and non perishable. I did not enter the Panicbuying or Stockpiling Championships. So I have had to be mindful of my toilet paper use. Previously I never gave much thought to how much paper I was using, within reason of course, we're not talking Andrex puppy here, but now every time I think, how much do you really need? So my paper will last longer.  And, of course it's environmentally better. Less for our hardworking sewerage systems to cope with and better for ecology.

  I love coffee. But it has to be ground, filter coffee. Yep, not essential I know but I've bought no new beans since the Crisis. I buy one brand and one brand only because I haven't found another brand that matched the taste. Whilst this situation endures I cannot buy the brand as their stores are closed. I have to eke out my existing supply. So I've reduced my coffee consumption  to one small mug in the morning with breakfast. Reduced caffeine intake is supposed to be better for your health? 

I love strawberries, I eat them every day if I can, full of Vitamin C so very important for immune systems. Whereas I used to eat a whole punnet a day (Don't judge me!) I now have half. Or frozen. I'm not going anywhere near the shops at the moment so I'm reliant on my online deliveries for fresh ones.

 I also try to eat green leaf vegetables every day. I ran out of salad leaves this week and unwilling to risk a supermarket I went foraging in the garden for herbs and edible leaves. I have mint and parsley. Chives and dandelion. I've just read online that violet leaves can be added to a salad and I believe I have some growing so I'll try them too. So....... fresh air, fresh, free food.

Beginning to play through all my CDs systematically. I'm loving it. Some I'd forgotten I had! Many I've not played in a long time. 

I'm almost afraid to give voice to this in case I jinx myself but I've been walking better than I have done for years! That's not say I'm free from pain, no, I hurt and niggle and ache, But the mechanics of my walking are so much better -  freer and easier. If I survive this contagion I fervently hope this state continues. I can only conclude that it is my daily 30/40 minute walk that has done it. So I hope I can carry on.

Oh gosh, so far this has all been about me. Let's look wider.

 Families? Spending unprecedented amounts of time together because of school closures and working from home. Parents home schooling and realising what a fantastic and demanding job teachers do. There have been lots of online initiatives to help parents with homeschooling from lesson plans to workouts. People not having to be here, there and everywhere, time to talk, time to listen, time to get to know each other again. 

Friends? People reaching out to those who they may not connect with as regularly as they could or should. 

Neighbours? Checking that everyone is okay whereas 'normally' folk would go about their business maybe not seeing their neighbours from one week to the next.

I wrote yesterday of a hopeful retreat from materialism. There's a great potential for that as people start to think about what is really important and what isn't. Wouldn't it be fantastic if out of the flames of this conflagration a phoenix rises for a population more caring, more considerate, more united than they were before.

Here ends today's positive post. I'll be back to bitching and moaning tomorrow probably!!!

Day Fourteen - Moby, Madonna and Material Girls

Day 14! And I feared I wouldn't be able to maintain this. A week of social distancing and a week of lockdown. And the predictions are that this is going to get worse before it gets better. This could turn me into the proverbial ostrich. I am not liking what I'm hearing from a number of quarters.

I've realised this blog is starting to be very music/morning walk driven. I hope that doesn't become tedious for people who are reading it. But I do what I do! It's thoughts as they occur to me and so often I do my 'best' thinking while I'm walking!

Today on the 'pod was Madonna's Material Girl where she happily admits she IS a material girl. That got me thinking about whether our material age has been forced to an end with this virus? Perhaps people will realise that having the latest designer gear or the most up to date model of the iPhone doesn't protect you from a virus that doesn't willingly discriminate. And if you stay at home your massive four wheel, fuel guzzling pantechnicon is of little use to you. And from there I started to consider our physical selves. One or two people have said they end up spending all day in their PJs because, what does it matter? No one will call, no one will see them. Personally I don't get that. If I'm in my PJs it means I'm either ready for bed or I'm sick. One of my friends was identifying a similar attitude in that because she wasn't going to work she wasn't bothering with makeup, doing her hair in the morning but she's re-evaluated that, quite sensibly, identifying that this 'thing' doesn't mean we drop our standards and let ourselves go.  But trips to the hairdressers/barbers are out. I'm envious if you have the skill and ability to do it yourself. I don't! I had a decent cut not long before social distancing was implemented. I'm glad about that. I prefer short hair, it's easer to maintain but I fear I'm going to turn into a long haired layabout before this is over! When I go out for a walk I wear a woolly hat and the headphones over the top. It's caused a Tintin type quiff! I'm keeping it for the time being. ;)

I've been a bit concerned about my productivity over the last couple of days. The time isn't dragging so far but I don't think I'm filling it as well as I might. Yesterday I hoovered but I'd do that anyway. This morning I've washed the kitchen floor which I would do anyway. I have sorted and cleaned a couple of closets. I've ended up with bags to take to the charity shops but of course I can't take them to the charity shops because the charity shops are closed!! So now I've given myself storage issues which has curtailed my enthusiasm. As always I turn to the written word to soothe me. I'm still not reading as easily, concentration remains elusive, but I am enjoying the writing of this diary.

Worrying yesterday about appliance failure leaked over into a conversation with my brother. In his small flat he has no freezer so he has to go to the shops perhaps more frequently than he might if he could freeze meals and buy frozen foods. Going out increases his risk of exposure. I suggested he buy a small counter top freezer. He reckoned he had thought of that but there's no where open to buy anything. So he'd have to do it online. He lives way out in the Shropshire countryside where the mobile signal is iffy and his place is tricky to find as it's up a track that goes through farmland. I can't see anything more than a modest van being able to negotiate it. I suppose the point is that something like a lockdown throws up these previously unconsidered challenges.

I had a potential family issue that I've just heard is resolved. My sister in law had an MRI of her whole spine as she has been in such pain.  But in addition to the spinal problems they identified some nodules on her thyroid gland. She had a biopsy and was due to see someone today. This occurred pre COVID-19 including the making of today's appointment. We were concerned because we felt that if all was well they'd tell her over the phone. They were insisting she come in. So we were thinking the worst. Of course given that coronavirus is taking priority over all other conditions and that cancer operations have been cancelled, certainly in my local hospital, we were even more worried that she might not get the life saving treatment necessary. Potentially another victim due to coronavirus. But I'm so relieved. I've just had a text from my brother saying the appointment has been cancelled but they told her the nodules are benign.  They want to scan again in three months time to check. It's only when something like, this happens that the wider impact of this situation hits you. I'm terrified of having something wrong with me whilst we're in this crisis because it is highly likely I won't get the treatment I might need. Of course that goes for everyone. The impact of coronavirus spreads its tentacles further........

Stop it! It's getting gloomy again! Have to stay positive. Let's think of something good. Another track I listened on to my walk this morning was Moby's Go. I realised I hadn't listened to Moby in a while. Back in the 90's  Play was my favourite album for months. So I'm deviating from my 'alphabetical play all my CDs' regime to put Play on again. What a damn fine album this is! He recorded it in his bedroom! I had a thing for Moby for ages. He's related to Herman Melville  which I think was part of it!  I think if anyone asks me where I've been walking during this lockdown I'd have to say, in a cheesy way - down Memory Lane.

Something else that lightens my mood from time to time are some of the silly jokes on Twitter. Here's some examples:-

To whomever who stole my glasses.
I will find you.
I've got contacts.

Hands up if you enjoy stretching?

At the third stroke it will be 8.43 precisely, my precious.
The Tolkien clock.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? 
 I don’t know and I don’t care.

Gotta keep smiling. That's quite hard when you're in lockdown alone. That's probably why I chuckle at these jokes which might have just raised a groan pre lockdown.

Day Thirteen - Sundays and Summertimes

I got both sad and annoyed this morning when I saw on social media that people are planning #clapforboris or #booforboris at 8pm this evening. I think clapping for the NHS was an act of unity and appreciation. It was also very moving. Hijacking the gesture for another purpose dilutes the impact. Let's maintain some dignity in this crisis we're facing. Let's not boo anyone. Let's continue to clap for the NHS staff and all the other selfless heroes. 

Rick Astley was first song up this morning. Never Gonna Give You Up. I saw Rick perform two or three years ago at the Radio Two Festival in a Day. He was an entertaining performer but more than that he seemed like a really nice guy. Genuine. And whilst I was walking and thinking about the NHS and social media this song triggered a thought. I know I might rant about some of the vitriol on social media but there are some wonderful people there too who spread positivity. One of those, on Twitter,  is @julesbuddle who is a frontline NHS paramedic. She comes across as a hundred percent thoroughly decent human being who doesn't possess an unpleasant bone in her body. She's selfless and caring. And everything she puts on Twitter you know you can trust. But why should she come into my head rather than anyone else? Because she loves Rick Astley!! How do I know that? For one she tweets about him but also because she was on an edition of the One Show last year talking about her work as a paramedic and he was on the show too so she got to meet him! 

I'm glad I got out early this morning in spite of the clock change and the 'losing' an hour thing. It was chilly but sunny. After all, it's SUMMERTIME! Now it's dulled over with drizzle and wind. I don't enjoy the wind. It unsettles me. Sometimes I worry that it'll cause damage to the house. But that got me thinking about what I would do in the event of such an emergency during this crisis. A leaking pipe. An electrical fault. Even something like my washing machine breaking down. Or my freezer. Are such things regarded as essential? In terms of someone coming out to repair or replace the appliance - or the roof tiles? If my fridge/freezer were to fail my food situation would be dire. Laundry would be a challenge, I've lived without a washing machine when I was young and poor. I remember washing bedding in the bath! But now I'm old and rich, (not really but it seemed to work.....;) ),  I couldn't manage it. Since I'm on this downward spiral what about my hob? My oven? Crikey! I don't own a microwave. I did once but it broke and I never replaced it. Horrible things. But how important are these items when it comes to the preservation of life and slowing down the spread of this virus. 

Looking at the news headlines today it seems that Mr. Johnson is warning of a stricter lockdown. I'm not surprised. After the cavalier attitude of the West Hampstead Farmers Market it demonstrates that not everyone is taking things seriously. There was a response on social media from Hampstead Heath saying that they spoke to farmers to ensure that social distancing measures were in place. AND that the Met police were happy with the queue. Having seen the pictures I can only conclude that the Met don't understand  social distancing either! Help! What hope have we got? 

Let's not get too dark. A lovely thing happened yesterday. The phone rang. I didn't recognise the number. But as it was a local one I took the call hoping that I wasn't the victim of yet another accident or that my broadband provider was going to cut me off in the next twenty four hours. It was an old friend who I haven't heard from in years. We were 'best friends' way back in the eighties. She lived next door. A thing happened, not with me but with her marriage, so she moved away and we lost touch except for cards at Christmas and birthdays. I had suggested on several occasions that it might be good to meet for coffee but she never took me up on it. I gave up in the end. Sometimes you just have to 'get the message' don't you? It was great to talk to her again. We were such good friends. She's given me her mobile number so........ who knows. I've texted her. I'll wait to see if she replies. Without this lockdown she wouldn't have phoned me I'm certain. 


A friend of mine read the Bat and Pangolin story that I wrote and said it put her in mind of the film Contagion which she watched on Netflix at the weekend. Spookily I had just recorded the film which had been aired on ITV2 the evening before. I watched it last night. Gosh! The parallels! Rather too accurate for my liking! I saw too that some of the cast from what was a 2011 film recorded a little video urging us to stay home and wash our hands as if our lives depended on it. They do. It was a touching gesture from those actors. 

If, no, no, WHEN this thing is over we might recalibrate our time scales to:-   life B.C. - Before Coronavirus and life A.D.  - After Disaster 

Day Twelve - Horny, Horny, Horny

Aha! That got you, didn't it? You little rascals. Not what you're thinking at all. Such matters are not for a blog such as this one! Not when you're a dear little, old, silver haired pensioner like me. It was the first song on my iPod this morning when I went out for my walk. From 1998, Mousse T. Perhaps you're wondering what I'm doing with such a song. Well, I'll tell you.  Several years ago my friend's daughter got married. We were the wedding planners! My friend was recovering from major abdominal surgery and I had just lost my sixteen year old cat. It was the most perfect healing time for both of us. When we get together we still look back on at that time with more than just affection. It was wonderful. And though I say it myself it was one of the best weddings I've ever been to. It was done on a minimal budget, nothing fancy. After the ceremony we had a picnic in the park, people playing guitars and singing, games for the kids. In the evening we had a huge party at my friend's house.  We made the garden like Fairyland with lights and illuminated trees, jars with tea lights in hanging from the trees. One of my jobs was to produce playlists of suitable music. Music for the ceremony. Music to reminisce to. Music to dance to. That's the playlist I'm listening to when I go on my walks. And if all that sounds like it has bugger all to do with a coronavirus lock down it's about finding the things that make or made you happy. Playing those memory videos in your head to make yourself smile if you're finding this lockdown tough at times.

So Mousse T with Horny this morning, I did not sing along, I didn't think the 'hood would appreciate it at 6:15 a.m. And the next song was Einstein A GoGo and I couldn't remember the words bar the chorus! However when I got to Kim Wilde's Kids in America I was belting that out and it felt good. Because that was another memory. That was a track I used to jog to on the treadmill and out on the street. So I came back from my walk energised and euphoric. And those tracks now will carry additional memories of COVID-19 lock down. As Paul Simon said 'Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.'

I saw something lovely on my walk this morning. Someone had chalked this at the top of the cliff steps that take you down to the train station. Part of me hopes there's one at the bottom that says 'Stay Home'

Thinking about all that this morning has given me another little 'task' to pursue during these times. I'm going to attempt to play all my CD's. I hope I don't achieve that because if I do it means the lock down will have lasted a very long time. I have a lot of CDs. I'm going to play them in some kind of order. I've started with film and TV soundtracks plus stage and theatre soundtracks. So I'm on A. As I write this I'm currently listening to the Ashes to Ashes soundtrack - the TV series? Remember it? Fire up the Quatro? Memory again! Sometimes though a sad song triggers something that causes me to shed a tear. Music's like that isn't it? I'll bet the current chart songs will trigger memories of this time in our lives when we hear them again in the future.

Another reason I'm filling the house with sound is to combat the silence. It's unnerving me. When I look out of the front window it is reminding me of when it snows. No cars, no people. It feels like I'm the last person left on earth sometimes. Whoa, that's a bit dramatic, isn't it? But do you know what I mean?

My friend who works at the NHS phoned me this morning. I feel desperate for her. She says the only place she feels safe is at home. The situation at work simply doesn't allow for much social distancing or viral avoidance. I'm extremely worried she will contract the illness. She's over 60 and is prone to chest infections. Apparently all the typists have been relocated so that the managers can be in one office. One not so large office. No way can they maintain a 2 metre distance. My friend is a medical secretary so currently she is in an office for two which just about allows for a modicum of social distancing. What I found more disturbing was that the managers are saying one thing but when my friend chatted to one of the ward sisters something different was said in respect of statistics and deaths. Who is telling the truth?  I suppose it raises the question of whether it serves a purpose to tell people the whole truth and nothing but the truth no matter how dark that truth may be. It's a balance, isn't it?  For I can see that creating fear and panic provokes another set of problems. On the other hand we need to know.

I'm still not entirely sure that people are understanding the coronavirus jargon. Isolation,  Distancing and Lockdown. Or maybe they are manipulating it to their own ends. On the whole I think people are behaving better compared to last weekend. But there are still too many people who aren't  taking it seriously enough.

Day Eleven - Sweat Shirts and Lawnmowers

The sweatshirt arrived. It wasn't a T-shirt after all. I first thought about a tee then I thought it might not stay this warm so I changed the order to a sweat shirt right at the last minute, forgetting I'd done it! It was almost a surprise. I'm glad I did if the forecast is anything to go by. I wasn't going to go out at all today. Physically I've been overdoing things and I was hurting in the night. I knew I wanted to mow the lawn today too so I thought I'd conserve energy.  I love gardening, or I used to. My spinal problems don't allow me to indulge much any more. I try for ten minutes, my back starts niggling and I know that if I continue it'll just get worse and worse. So for the last two or three years I've had a gardener. Sounds posh doesn't it? He's a fourth generation gardener, trained at horticultural college and the grandson of my former next door neighbour. I like him a lot. He's young, laid back, smokes a tad too much of the wacky baccy and as a result he's infuriatingly forgetful, unreliable and unpunctual! But he's a decent person who shares the same philosophies as I do about things. He totally gets my organic approach. No chemicals and no murdering of creatures. Reverence for the earth. But obviously while this pandemic continues he isn't coming. I have to maintain the garden myself. So I was dreading doing the lawn. I wasn't even sure that the mower would still work. But it did. I paced myself, did it in stages and I have a mowed lawn with the edges trimmed. And the moral of that, perhaps convoluted tale, is that without this situation I wouldn't have attempted to do it. But I have and that's a good thing. I wonder what else I can do that I've been believing I can't? 

If I have to self isolate I am really going to struggle. I truly didn't intend to leave the house today but  by about 14.00 I gave in, donned my swanky new top and went off for my walk. Most pleasant and a great reaction to the sweatshirt! One lady asked if she could take a photo! I said yes but please don't put it on social media. She said she wouldn't but I've a feeling she will. Plus many more people moved aside instead of expecting me to do all the work. The exceptions were some joggers, goes without saying though, doesn't it, and a couple of youths. My sister messaged me to say she went out at 5:30 this morning and went for a walk and she came back feeling energised. It is the best time go I think. I'll try for that tomorrow if I'm not in too much pain. But I'm glad I went today. I didn't sing. ;)

I found the Clap for the NHS moving. In a way I wish it could have been in daylight so we could all have seen each other, but that wasn't the point. Some people in the 'hood let off fireworks too which added to the atmosphere. I would have loved to see the whole country from the air and see a whole nation clapping in unison. We can unite when the mood takes us. But can we keep it up? However when I saw some of the news snippets from around the country there were people in the streets not social distancing in the slightest! Instructions were clear: your balcony, front door, window. Plus it looked like the cameraman and reporter were a damn sight closer then 2 metres. Feels like I'm nit picking though about such a positive event. :(

Our airport have finally decided to suspend some flights. easyjet have suspended all of their flights from March 24 to mid-May at the earliest. Ryan Air have stopped all flights from March 25 to mid-May at the earliest. From March 30, Wizz Air will only be running three flights per week to Bucharest. Logan Air will continue flights to Aberdeen and Derry three times a week. Fly One will return to a twice weekly service from May. Hmmmmm. But we have no idea of how things will be in May. They could be better or they could be worse. How can you plan ahead like this?

Some sad news today. A local GP has died from what seems likely to be Coronavirus.The reports say he had 'textbook' symptoms. If tests confirm it he will be the first GP in the UK to die from the virus. I've a feeling he won't be the last. He was a well respected doctor in this area. People spoke highly of him as a caring man. 

I'm amazed at how the time passes. The days don't drag like I feared they might. I've always found it hard to fit everything in that I wanted to. Things aren't so different for me in that I was already retired and I have no children off school but I still worried that the curbing of any spontaneity or the planning of social events would leave gaps in the day but so far that hasn't happened. 

I'm still struggling with the fact that I don't know when I'll see my brother or sister again. It hits me at various moments during the day. That's a low point and I worry about either of them contracting the virus and I can't help them. I wouldnt be allowed to go to them. 


The weather this week, though, has been exceptional. I do believe it has made the lockdown less of an ordeal than it might have been if the grey, gloomy, drizzly weather had continued. I know it created the Bank Holiday atmosphere that thwarted social distancing and possibly precipitated the lockdown although I'm sure that would have come eventually. It was just sooner rather than later. This weekend we have the clock change that will bring us lighter evenings. Without or without a pandemic I feel better when that happens. 

I was texted by one of my old schoolfriends today. She wanted to include me in a WhatsApp group where we offer a daily thumbs up emoticon to say we're okay. I thought it was a good idea rather than numerous, individual  'How are you's? navigating the ether in their hundreds! No need for response unless you're not okay and then I guess folk will leap to offer cyber comfort. I love the creative ways in which people are staying in touch and amusing themselves.  Social media is awash with initiatives, from a bookish perspective. A StayAtHome book festival, virtual book launches. I can't keep up with it all!

Day Ten - Chocolate and Chumbawumba

I had the best walk ever this morning! In spite of another crap night. I dozed but kept waking up feeling intensely anxious. At 3.am. this morning I decided there was no way I was going to get up early and play Social Distance Wars with the jiggety joggers. Yet at 5:30 this morning I decided I was never going to fall asleep again so I decided I would go do battle. I wore my sports kit which up until now I hadn't bothered with, it makes it clear I was exercising and somehow I felt it was adding to my structure in this lockdown time. So at precisely 6:20 iPod on, I set off. Such a pleasant change. Cooperative, wordless, social distancing which inspired me to wave and smile at each person who did so. Only once did I have to significantly alter course and even that was a reciprocation to the dog walking guy who did the same for me on my outward journey! Two dog walkers had their dogs off their leads which gave me an anxious moment because one dog was coming straight for me. I don't know what it is about me since I am primarily a cat person but some dogs make beelines for me. In the normal way I welcome it and I've had some lovely exchanges with people and their dogs but social distance is social distance and it applies to dogs too. They may carry the virus in their fur from someone who has stroked them or handled them? Because there were so few people I sang along to the tunes on my iPod! Not loudly of course as it was early. Not to mention the trauma of my singing voice. But though I say it myself I did a nice little rendition of Chumbawumba's Tubthumping! ;)

I think I know why I was feeling off balance yesterday. I've been finding it harder to read than usual. My concentration has been elusive, I've read paragraphs and realised I haven't taken in a single word. It's really not like me and I find it most unnerving. Reading and writing have always been my salvation. I disappear into a book and I disappear from the world. But not yesterday.

(For this of you who may not know my main blog is a bookish blog - Bookphace - where I review the books I read. There are some author interviews, some of my writings there and articles I've written too but it's predominantly book reviews. Here's the link if you're interested. https://bookphace.blogspot.com )

And the fact that I've offered the above leads me to the interesting realisation that whereas initially this blog was just for me, to examine what this situation was doing to me, my family and my friends, a chronicling of events. It seems a kind of organic awareness of potential readership has developed. I've had some lovely comments from people who have read the entries. Thank you all.

I forgot to blog this on the day it happened but I was reminded of it by people tweeting about things that are making them smile during these challenging days. On Tuesday a friend texted me to say that her walk that day would take her past my house. I replied that I was disproportionately excited by that. That's true. I haven't  seen any of my friends since this whole thing started. She said she would stand by the gate and I could stand by the door. It must be a good 15 feet from door to gate. I found myself watching out of the lounge window almost fluttering with anticipation! I was so pleased to see her. We chatted for a few minutes. We didn't want to shout but the distance meant that I couldn't hear very well so I had to keep saying 'Pardon?', 'What?'. This amused me.When she left she put a bar of chocolate on the brick pillar that the gate is attached to. I was so delighted. By the event itself and the chocolate. Simplicity. Sometimes that's all we need. Another example maybe of how this 'thing' will force us to re-evaluate life.

Still no T-shirt. I'm more disappointed than I should be because it isn't important. But the Sainsbury delivery went ahead. In fact I had a good chat with the delivery man who kept a reasonable social distance. Apparently all the drivers are temperature checked before they're allowed out. He was proud that his was one of the lowest!? He was pleased that people are being nice to him. That made me sad because it implied that usually they aren't. He told me about that of the cashiers in the store branch was so upset by the panic buying that she had to go home. She was in tears. He felt, like I do, that if anything positive can come of this it may be that society does a major reboot.

I keep thinking about my friend at work today in the hospital. I hope she's keeping safe. It's ironic isn't it that the one place where you think you should be safe when it comes to health stuff is probably one of the most dangerous places currently.

I haven't looked at the news or social media today. I mean what can happen? A cure? An escalation? An intensifying of lockdown? I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. Right now I'm just glad I feel a bit brighter than yesterday.

S'funny though, without going into details, my life over the past few years has kept me in a kind of lockdown and I've often felt that it was some indefinable force keeping me in one place and demanding I stay put and consider that all that I have and all I need is right here. We're always thinking the grass is greener aren't we? But it isn't. It's just different shades of green. We don't need the biggest, the latest, the fastest, the furthest. We just need to stay well and look after each other.
Which reminds me. At 8pm this evening people have to go outside, on their balconies, front doors etc to Clap for Carers. (Yup, I had to read it twice too! They don't need that on top of coronavirus ;)) I'm really keen to see how many people in my street do it. I'm going to obviously.

Day Nine - Insomnia and Insanity

I didn't go for an early walk today, really bad night and I felt ragged. When I drew back the curtains I saw frost on the neighbour's shed. I asked myself if it was really worth it? Plus I feared I might be becoming obsessive about the exercise thing. I do have an obsessive nature so I have to work hard to nip it in the bud. I may yet go out today but I need to keep a perspective. Instead I did Tai Chi in the garden! However I got halfway through the third part of the form and my mind went completely blank! So I did a little bow and came indoors! I will do some yoga later. Because of my spinal problems (stenosis and listhesis) I can't do standard yoga - if I got down on the floor I'd need an industrial winch to get back up again! ;) But several years ago I chanced upon a seated yoga class taking place in the local tearooms. The teacher is one of those unassuming people who has no idea of her own worth. She is so perceptive, and committed to yoga being available for everyone. I love the classes. When the tea rooms closed and there was a temporary break while she found new premises she gave us all a sheet so we could carry on at home. I've dug it out and will do at least weekly while this thing continues. 

And with the way people are behaving it will continue I fear.  Have a listen to this unbelievable and extraordinary extract from a local BBC radio show. I listened twice because I could not believe my ears. The selfishness. The total lack of awareness of how her actions can impact on others. No attempt to look at the bigger picture,  or consider what's going on in the rest of the world. No concern for the NHS staff who might have to nurse her while she dies........ What do any of you think about this? 

And as if that wasn't enough check out this news report. People really aren't prepared to take this seriously enough. I fear that stricter measures will have to be implemented. I don't know how you get the message through to people? The only way is to be brutally honest and drastic , take the cameras into the ICU units, take photographs of the body bags. But then that is frightening for the all the decent people who are taking these matters seriously. 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-52025918

I've found today harder. Maybe because I'm tired after two poor nights without much sleep.I did go out briefly this afternoon but I returned home because I was getting stressed by peoples' behaviour. Only one person was actively keeping a social distance. I went up to the cliffs, my usual haunt, to find people sunning themselves on the benches. Essential, of course. I found that walking in the road was my best option. I couldn't enjoy the sea views so much but the purpose was not one of enjoyment it was my daily exercise. Perilous  maybe, but so is coronavirus. I was disappointed too because my t-shirt didn't arrive. The postal service must be under pressure too. A friend reported that the local Post Office was closed due to staff shortages. That can only mean one thing can't it? That's the other end of town where I walk. She reckoned people there were behaving appropriately with the odd exception. People walking three abreast and unwilling to go in single file. Shops were open for food but only letting one or two people in at a time. I may go that route tomorrow.

I read an interesting article regarding research done in Oxford suggesting half of the population may already have or have had the virus. The findings are only in the draft stage and cannot at this stage be taken too seriously but the implications would support the herd immunity theory and possibly mean this situation might be over sooner than anticipated. I will keep an open mind but there's a glimmer of hope if any of it can be substantiated.


https://uk.style.yahoo.com/coronavirus-covid19-oxford-research-britons-infection-134223089.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvLnVrLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAACtY1xYmLm-yuH6nG-1ho0KD_-Ua2_3Fb1jdfomao5KaA5qN8IqCfTjQmIS8H5djh92jfaSTJ9spcubuF5R1Cpww3UviI39LwtFR7MLeBz7RDlBkdQduvCQFGxaYAUt2gjpvScAdrq2TXlMAArpkLknF3f8INogQGrg_UQTaf8vt

I had an overwhelming desire to see my sister today and give her a hug. Whereas once her location seemed no problem, London is easy to get to from here, it feels like she's the other side of the world right now. We met up quite regularly too so I guess that's why I'm feeling it all the more. The whole day has seen me off balance, out of kilter. I hope it's a blip and I can regain some balance tomorrow.

Day Eight - Sainsburys, Birthdays and Up With the Lark

So it happened. Lockdown. I have to chuckle. When I look back to Day One of this diary I joked about the Social Distance Police stopping me! Now it is potentially a reality. I was relieved that exercise is considered an essential reason to go out. Exercise is essential to me but I suspect we all have our own idea about what constitutes essential and what doesn't.

I was out even earlier this morning. 6:30! Insane? Maybe, but I didn't sleep and I was pretty sure I wouldn't return to sleep so I decided to go for it. Slightly fewer people. Majority were joggers and nothing has changed for them. They're still singlemindedly sticking to their trajectory and refusing to deviate from it. However there were only pairs rather than groups this morning. Several dogs off the lead but maybe the owners hadn't listened to the news? It was marginally easier going out earlier. Without exception though it was always myself that ensured the social distance was kept. No one else made any effort. Maybe I'm interpreting the instruction too literally? Two metres/six feet distance. Even when someone passes by? I know it's only a matter of seconds. But surely it's only a matter of seconds for a virus droplet to be expelled into the air?

My big news today! I've got a Sainsbury's shopping slot! Never before has such a thing excited me. I did a double take. I'd been checking from time to time and found the three week booking windows  always fully booked. So when I looked today it wasn't that I was that desperate to shop. But I am pleased to have been able to order things that I would have been sad to go without. I would have managed. I would have improvised but I feel more complete knowing I have some of my dietary obsessions covered. And if my veg delivery tomorrow goes ahead I should be fine for the next three weeks.

I was on the phone for ages this morning to my poor friend who was very tearful over the loss of her son's dog yesterday. She said she felt as if he was her dog sometimes. She looked after him regularly. She's also very anxious about her job at the hospital and the greater risk of contracting the virus there. It seems almost farcical that the one place where you'd think measures should be in place to protect all staff  doesn't seem to care at all. She's been told she's an 'essential' worker and she will have to cover the work of all those absent in isolation. The only consolation is that she is part time and her partner now working from home will drive her to and from work so she doesn't have to use public transport. We were also chatting  about whether this whole thing will affect our views and values, encourage us to take a fresher, less acquisitive approach to life. Focus on the more meaningful aspects. Families will spend more quality time together. We can evaluate those things that really matter.

My neighbour knocked again to see if I needed anything. He knocked and then stood more than the six feet away which I appreciated very much. I nearly didn't answer the door! My first, ungenerous thought was who the hell is knocking on my door during a lockdown?! He and his partner were going on an essential 'hunter/gatherer' trip as he put it! This whole thing has made me appreciate them more than I did before.

I've been emailing my friend in Japan. She was due to come over here in April for several months. I was looking forward to seeing her. She's a dear friend and I've known her a long time. Coincidentally she spent a year in Wuhan back in the eighties. She has a property in the UK, a beautiful  house in the most pastoral setting. She won't come now obviously. We also agreed to 'forget' birthdays this year. I'm not sure of the state of international post and shops are closed both here and in Japan.

The day started off positively for me. But I felt a wave of sadness engulf me this afternoon. I suppose it's inevitable. I suddenly felt very lost and alone. So I try to disappear into books and writing which makes me forget for a while. I'm also very tired after a bad night. Insomnia endures whatever the world situation!

Day Seven - Covidiots and Viral Load

Seven days of social distancing that I fear might end as we will probably progress (I use the term ironically) into lockdown. Yesterday's social media photos of Victoria Park and Richmond Park defy belief. And the supermarket crowds? I was lost for words. I feel I need to do something but what? I have ordered a customised t-shirt which should arrive on Wednesday. On the front it says Keep Your Social Distance Please and on the back it says Keep Your Social Distance Thanks. I'm hoping that by wearing it when I'm out it will make folk think a bit more seriously about all this. That's just supposing it arrives before a lockdown. If not I may seriously have wasted my money.  This morning I was out even earlier for my walk. Today I was jostled by a jogger! Yes. Can you believe it? No, don't answer that. From behind I might add. If I had seen them approaching I would have distanced myself. Obviously I was walking more slowly than they were jogging and in their way. So give me a shove, love. The hell with catching a virus eh? I was too stunned to summon the necessary expletives to convey my feelings. 

Apparently there is a new word - covidiot. I found this on social media. It is as alarming as it is amusing because it holds a truth.

A dear friend had an unenviable dilemma today. Her son's ten year old cocker spaniel, Harry, developed seizures yesterday which continued throughout the night. His wife suspected a brain tumour. In all of this coronavirus frenzy pets and vets don't seem to have been mentioned. This morning he managed to make an appointment with the vet but asked his Mum to go with him breaking all the social distancing protocols. She went. Of course she did, he's her son. She wanted to be there for him. She loved the dog too. She said she came straight home afterwards, showered and changed her clothes. Was she right? Was he right to ask her? I don't know the answers. 

I've been on the phone to her a couple of times today as well as copious WhatsApp messages. She's struggling. What isn't helping either is the fact that she works for the NHS as a medical secretary. She is not being allowed to stay away from work. With non essential procedures being cancelled there's less for her to do. She's been told staff will be deployed to the wards! She's not trained in ward duties. She also says her managers are not taking  sufficient precautions against the virus. Meetings where staff are cheek to jowl, people coughing and sneezing. One of her managers who she was working with on Friday is now in isolation. She's terrified of going to work. 

I think a degree of paranoia is beginning to creep in. Even my sister expressed a fear that she might become scared of even stepping out into her patio. She heard that the virus can linger on hard surfaces for 3 or 4 days. She lives in London and admits she's getting paranoid with so much of the virus around and being relatively near large gatherings like supermarkets the atmosphere is full of virus particles. 

I did read an interesting piece from a doctor about a concept called 'viral load'. It makes a lot of sense particularly within the remit of social distancing. Have a read.

I decided today that I need to make better use of my time. I've been using this situation to avoid tasks and sitting about reading and writing. But today I cleaned the bathroom thoroughly, on my hands and knees! That's not easy when you have a deranged spine so I'm feeling pretty smug. 

Day Six - Bugging Joggers

I was an irritating early bird this morning! In order to avoid the 'I do not understand social distancing' people I went out for my walk before breakfast. I found it curiously exhilarating. It reminded me of the days when a younger me would go out first thing for a run or a swim. It was a good move as it was clearer, some dog walkers, some couples and -  joggers. The joggers continue to bug me. No attempt to compromise. In a fit of mean-spiritedness I was tempted to cough at them as they bore down upon me. Not because I believe I have the virus, but to maybe frighten them into behaving more considerately. However self preservation won the day and again it was me, older, less mobile who veered off the paths and onto uneven grounds so that the joggers could continue. But it was a much more enjoyable walk than yesterday so I will continue the early rising. The weather continues to be beautiful so I understand folks' desire to enjoy it after all the rain and gloom we've had but it will be a much darker gloom if we allow this virus to spread too quickly. My friend's daughter in law posted a picture on Instagram of the sea front yesterday which was quite chilling. People out in their hordes. No distancing. I am concerned that our country may be lagging behind in this battle against the bug.

I chatted with my brother today. He lives in Shropshire and is in his seventies. His domestic situation is complicated and it serves no purpose for me to go into it here suffice to say he has to make regular trips to pick up food and prescriptions for his wife. He reported that his pharmacy were only allowing one customer in at a time which sounds very responsible except that the queue snaking down the road were bumper to bumper. My brother was trying to keep his distance from the person in front of him and was asked by someone if he was 'in the queue'? When he replied in the affirmative but he was keeping a social distance there was a puzzled moment before realisation set in. My sister raised a worrying issue with him that hasn't been raised anywhere else so far as I have seen and that is fuel supplies and whether there might be a problem? My brother said he was going to fill the car up in case.

Again today plenty of texts and messages. No problem with people keeping in touch. I texted my neighbour last night to check they were okay after her return from hospital. They said they were keeping out of everyone's way. However this morning her daughter and son in law were round which has worried me. The daughter works at the hospital. I thought she might have known better. Another daughter came but just chatted at the front door. I get they're concerned after the op but the risks are high I think. My neighbour's husband had multiple myeloma a couple of years back and is permanently  on anti viral medication as his immune system isn't at all efficient. I don't think these meds would work against Covid-19 or there'd be widespread prescriptions wouldn't there? They really need to self isolate I think.

I sat outside to read this morning in the sunshine.  I noticed a couple of planes fly over. My friend's husband says they're STILL flying to and from Madrid and Milan. That's another reason why I don't think this country is taking it seriously enough.

Tomorrow sees a week of social distancing............. it feels like a lifetime!

Day Five - Communication and Consideration

I'm pretty annoyed today. It's the weekend, I know, and there's always a different atmosphere to the world somehow! The cliffs where I take my walks are always different at weekends. More people, a different type of people; families spending quality time together, friends together for weekends etc. I went for my walk today and it was the same as any weekend. In fact you'd think it was a fucking Bank Holiday! Social Distancing? A joke. Groups of people strolling along brushing against other groups of people strolling along. I had to frequently walk on the uneven grass, avoiding dog poo, while they enjoyed the paths. And joggers?! Wow. They aren't going let any little killer virus impact on their lives. If I hadn't moved out of the way I think they have mown me down! Selfish. I wish they'd think beyond their own selves and consider others, we all want to stay fit. Don't get me wrong I understand the fitness bug. I walk the route I used to jog when my body served me better. I know the endorphin rush. I totally get it. But in all my time as a jogger I never once, pandemic or not, behaved as if the world was my right of way. I deferred to everyone else. I was considerate. So although I had a good walk I came home fearful that, certainly where I'm living, it's going to be an uphill struggle to beat this thing.

There were family groups up there. And that led me to wonder about social distancing and family life. Today the kids were on bikes and scooters, flying kites, enjoying the outside and getting some physical exercise which is wonderful. But social distancing? Not a chance. They seemed oblivious, and their parents weren't bothered either. However it's all very well for me to moan and complain but I need to give some thought as to how I would manage social distancing if I were still parenting. I realise it can't be easy. Much must depend on the age of the children and how much they understand of the situation without frightening them.  As a parent you cannot socially distance yourself from your kids!  I guess you have to try and view the whole family unit as one body and distance the whole unit. Not easy. You might perhaps search for a clear space to cycle and scoot and kick balls rather than choose the most crowed areas. Again, not easy. But none of this is easy, is it? Are we really up to the challenge? Is our society so cosseted now that anything hard is rejected by most?

Yet again I've spent the rest of the day reading and writing mostly. I'm feeling a bit guilty because there are other things that need doing. I did try to do some stuff in the garden but after about ten minutes my spine complained bitterly and I had to stop or I'd have been in real trouble. In fact I had to come in and do my physio. Very frustrating as, apart from the wind it has been a beautiful day.

Texts, WhatsApp messages and emails have been in abundance as people strive to stay in contact. I'm trying to give time and consideration to all, more so than normal because I think people are unsure how to deal with the lack of social interaction and communication is a form of reassurance even if it's only digital. I had a long phone call with a friend who has ticked me off for not keeping up with the news. But I find myself less anxious if I avoid it. Another friend who has a son working in a supermarket has offered to get hold of anything I might run short of. That is a relief but it also makes me feel a bit guilty when I know others might be struggling to get hold of essentials. But I am hopeful  that the shopping situation will even out and become more stable. I think social media has shamed a lot of people who panic bought and stock piled. I also think people may have calmed down a little after their initial fears of 'starving'. Possibly the stores and manufacturers have got their act together too. We'll see. I am going to refrain from going anywhere near a shop until I really have to.

The neighbour I mentioned in Day Three has just come home from hospital. I am shocked. She only had the op on Thursday. When my Mum had her hip replacement she was in for several days. I guess that's another impact of COVID-19  - freeing up beds for virus patients. I'm in a quandary because I don't want to break my social distancing regime but I feel as a decent human being I should go round and see if they need any help. But supposing I am carrying the virus? I could be. I hope not. But if I was and I passed it on to either of them the results could be tragic. 

I'm still amazed that I can find stuff to write about. I keep thinking I won't do an entry today then something occurs to me and.........this is the result! I don't even know if anyone is reading any of this. But it doesn't matter because it's something I feel I need to do. When all this is 'over' and I'm aware it may never be over it might be interesting to see if my mental and emotional state has been compromised by the social distances. I already feel much more isolated than usual. 

Day Four - Avoiding the Shops, the News and the Social Media

I thought I'd struggle to maintain this in terms of having enough to write about. When you're social distancing and you aren't interacting with people socially or going anywhere of note I thought there'd be little to say. That may be so, it's only Day Four!

I got up later today. I'm normally one of those irritating early birds who bounces out of bed. Well, I used to bounce. Now I'm older I can't. Today I just stayed in bed until nearly 8 wondering what I was getting up for.

I watched that heartbreaking video on social media yesterday of the critical care nurse who came off a 48 hour shift to find no food in the supermarket. I've a friend who works for the NHS, in an administrative role. she can't work from home, it isn't an option. She's feeling very vulnerable because one of the surgeons who was in her office is now in intensive care with the virus. She's been unable to get the food she needs. She can only go before or after work. The other day she managed to get some cuppa soup. Yesterday she couldn't get eggs or bread. Today she fared better because of a  supermarket opening up the early slot to certain people only, key workers etc. But this whole panic buying, stockpiling situation has made me very sad. It tells me people are out for themselves primarily. We used to have a more caring society when in the event of a crisis people pulled together and shared.   What's worse is that this needn't have happened. If people had calmed down and just bought what they needed everything would have evened out, there would have been enough for everyone and supplies could have been replenished without ever actually running out. We manage during the `Christmas/New Year fortnight don't we? I think some blame must be laid at the feet of the supermarkets. Once they realised what was happening - and it must have been pretty obvious - they should have imposed some limits sooner. They've done pretty well out of this.

I pretty much decided that I will stay away from shops now until my food runs out and then take my chances. I still have my organic fruit and veg box but I had an email today advising me of the changes they are making because of the current crisis. They've reduced the variety of boxes and fixed the contents, no choice. My usual weekly order of apples has been removed. That's a blow because I'm an apple a day kinda gal. But we all have to adjust in a crisis. It might mean I have to eat my words and go to a store though!

I went for my clifftop walk again today. A handful of people up there, several dog walkers and some joggers. I saw two women practising social distancing perfectly. They were a good six feet apart and having a conversation at the tops of their voices! Further on I saw a parent and her three children. she was clearly homeschooling them and they were writing in exercise books. Well, two of them were! The third was racing as fast as she could along the paths. I used to be in the 'ed biz' and I firmly believe that education is a 24 hour thing and does not begin and end at the school gates. I think some valuable learning could take place with some committed parents who can utilises the environment to motivate their kids.

From the top of the cliffs I can see down to our local station. Normally the car park there is choc a bloc but I could only see a handful of cars. So many people working from home. The railway company has reduced the trains. People were surreptitiously trying to maintain a decent social distance. I could see them changing paths to avoid going too close to others. There's something both sad and touching about that. I met Leon. the postman, on my way back. He had a parcel for me and I think that was the closest I came to anyone today. Strange. I've had emails and texts and Whatsapp messages! My friend's little granddaughter clearly doesn't quite understand social distancing as she sent me a voice message urging me to come over to her house to see some pictures and to come right away. It was all said in one breath and I suspect her Mum didn't know she'd done it! Hard for kids to understand all this. It's going to impact on things like birthday parties.

I have a dear friend who moved to Gran Canaria some years ago to care for his partner's elderly father. The regime there is strict. He says there are police and army on the streets ensuring people do not go out unless it's essential. I think there would be chaos if that happened here. People are just too selfish and self absorbed.  I still fear though that social distancing isn't clearly understood.  I suppose you could argue that my daily walk is not essential but I feel it is essential for me and I am striving to distance myself from people.

I've avoided the news and social media today. It was getting me down. So plenty of reading and writing. Always does the trick!

Day Three - Engineers and Stocking Up

Today I had the annual service for my central heating system booked. It was actually due in November but they were so booked up I couldn't get an appointment until January. The day before that was due the company cancelled due to a higher percentage of emergencies than usual and rebooked me for March. Today. Other people were critical of for me for my safety and the engineer. and thought I should cancel. I'll admit I thought I was being a bit rebelliously risky. But to be honest I really didn't think it would go ahead. I thought they would focus on emergencies at best. I couldn't imagine engineers putting themeless at risk by entering numerous households where there might or might not be infection.  So I did nothing. They didn't cancel. I figured they might not turn up at all. Then the engineer called and said he was on his way. I actually started to feel a bit fearful. Some bloke was going to be roaming all over my house spreading corona virus in every room, on every surface. No! He was a very nice guy, called Danny. When he rang the doorbell I asked him if he'd mind sanitising his hands and he said he'd already done it in the van as he did before and after entering any property. That was a good start. Keeping a good six feet away from him at all times we chatted about the situation. I relished that. I have no idea when next I'll have a visitor to talk to, if at all.

After he'd gone I used a wipe on all the radiators and metal bits as I'd heard that the virus can stay alive on metal for longer than other materials. Not that I think Danny was carrying the virus. But you just don't know. 

I was running low on some fresh food so I thought I go into town and stock up. Stock up, not panic buy. It wasn't as pleasant a day as yesterday but I do need to get out into the air and sniff the sea! So although it's not the quickest route into town I always go along the cliff tops. Few people around today in comparison with yesterday. But that changed when I got into town. I've never seen my local Coop so full. The checkout queue was snaking round the store. It was as if no one had heard of social distancing. I felt very uncomfortable. I kept a good distance between myself and the couple in front of me but the person behind coughed and buffeted me with her basket. The shelves were pitifully  empty. Mostly the tinned and dried goods. I got what I needed okay. I was really glad to get out of the store though. There was something claustraphobic about it.

An oasis by comparison was my local health food store. A much pleasanter environment and one where I am known by the staff and always greeted warmly. I bulk bought two packs of my favourite cereal! Normally I'd only buy one. They had plenty of tinned goods so I did buy a couple. The also have the best cottage cheese in the world. Interestingly they normally sell out of that very quickly but not this week. It was not on the PanicBuyers Guide to Selfish Shopping. I bought just the one.

My next door neighbour one side is having a hip replacement operation today. Well, it was scheduled for today. I haven't heard whether it went ahead or not. I am really worried for her. The only good thing is that it took place in the local private hospital. Its an NHS operation but somehow she managed to get in there where the hygiene is top notch. They wouldn't even allow her husband in to see her. My neighbour the other side knocked to see if there was anything I needed. I was touched. He and his partner are thirty something's with no kids and a seemingly endless bank balance. Extensions, new cars and more online deliveries than anyone else I know. Because they are at work during the week the delivery drivers often knock at mine and ask me to take their goods in. That's how I know they have a lot! Often they've come across as thoughtless and self absorbed but this changed my feelings. He said he was going to the supermarket. I wished him luck! When he got back he knocked again and he'd bought me a bunch of daffodils. When things like that happen I begin to hope that some good, yet, may come of this situation.

My sister lives in London. I'm worried about her if London goes into lockdown. She feels so far away at the moment and I'm not sure when we will get together again. I certainly don't fancy public transport right now. Then there's my brother who lives in Shropshire. He's in his seventies and may have to self isolate. I worry about him, too. There's even less chance of me seeing him. 

I continue to ponder about this whole business. This afternoon I wrote a little story about it. It's called The Bat and the Pangolin and I've posted on this blog in case you might like to read it. Reading and writing always help me deal with things. 

The Bat and the Pangolin

Hearken. I am not here from choice. Where I come from there is no choice. We do or we do not. I am comfortable with that because I know no different. You, on the other hand, find that concept inconceivable. And therein lies the problem. 

Many of you are not in denial of the idea that there is life in the universe, beyond the confines of your little planet. But those who do believe are convinced that other life will visit in some kind of fuelled craft that will penetrate the atmosphere of Planet Earth. Wrong. Life from other systems have been visiting your earth for millennia and will continue to do so. Some of us stay. It depends where we are from in the first place. And what our purpose is. We’re all among you. Inside you, even. Yep, that’s taken you all aback a bit hasn't it? I don't mean to laugh. You're having a tough time right now. 

I could go on at length giving you a history of where I come from but there’s no time. I need you to listen and to listen good. I am a tiny organism that can self replicate. And I arrived when the word was precellular. That’s a long time ago. That’s all you need to know for now. I am old. I am not from this planet. There are a lot of me about. You're only interested in one of me at the moment!

Because I’m small I can move about easily. Because I self replicate I can stay in one place and travel to another. What I’m about to tell you starts in one place. We’ll call it Asia because you know whereabouts on the planet I mean. And we’ll call it China because you seem to need these subdivisions of land mass. I don't know why because it causes you immense problems. And then we’ll pinpoint a place you call Wuhan. 

In my travels I’ve seen all kinds of practices. I’m shocked by many of them. The eating of animals is one. I just can’t believe you do it. You were never designed to, did you know? Your species. You don’t have the dental doohickeys for a start! Take a look at your incisors? What incisors, I hear you say? Exactly! You got chewers and grinders aplenty though. You've no claws or talons. These fingernail things are pretty much useless. You don’t have the speed to catch prey. And finally your digestion system is the digestive system of a herbivore not a carnivore. So you were always asking for trouble by eating meat. 

Here’s the thing. Sometimes I need to travel. I need echolocation. I need to know the size, shape. location, distance, direction or objects. I need sonar when I need to communicate. So I work closely with Chiroptera. You call them bats. They're also helpful to me if I want to replicate and spread quickly. You recall that earlier I said I did not chose what I do. I do it. I didn't chose to be the one to teach you all a lesson. Okay? 

But here’s what I did not chose to do. I’m inside the bat, replicating. That’s me. The bat takes a dump and one of me is in the bat droppings. It’s not as bad as you seem to be thinking. It’s done all the time. By you. By every species that excretes. You don’t even know it’s happening. So there am I in the bat dropping. Along comes a pangolin sniffing away. Pangolin has a good old sniff at the bat dingleberries, sticks his nose right in and away I go with the pangolin. So now I’m inside the bat, in the faecal matter and in the pangolin. 

None of this would have happened if you didn't eat animals. But you do. And some of you eat pangolins. So this pangolin, with me inside, gets hunted, caught, killed. Served up in a street market in Wuhan and eaten. So now I’m inside a human. The rest is history isn't it?

Oh, did I forget to mention that when I’m inside your species I make you sick? Sorry. Yes, I do. But it’s not as random as it may seem. I didn't choose to make you sick. It’s what I do. 

Listen. We tried. We’ve been trying for millennia. We’ve sent floods, and fires and plagues of locusts and pestilence but you JUST WON’T LISTEN. And this here’s your last chance. 

There’s too many of you. You won’t share. You won’t live cooperatively. You won’t look after this planet. But you need to. You have to. So, some of you are going to get sick and die. Where I come from we don't get the death thing. If there are too many we just stop. But I get how upsetting it is for you, and I’m sorry. Those who remain, you have to work together to keep from getting sick any more and to stop the planet from getting sick, or should I say sicker. What were you thinking filling up the sea with plastic? Chopping down the trees? Killing each other? We’ve discussed it at length and none of us out here in the universe gets it. None of it makes sense. So we gotta draw your attention to how dumb you've been somehow. We gotta wake you up. We gotta shock you. ‘Cause this is your last chance. screw this up and you’re doomed. 

Listen to what you’re being told. You're gonna spend a lot of time alone. And you need to use that time to think. Think about how you can make the world a better place. Think about others. Think about how what you do affects others. Make a plan to start living as a society. Put the planet and others first. 

Will you try that? Remember you have a choice. I don’t. Who am I ? Didn't I say? I’m sorry.  COVID-19. That’s my name. 


Copyright © March 2020 Gill Chedgey

Day Two - Deliveries, Collections But No Yoga

I may not continue to do this on a daily basis as it could become extremely tedious and uninteresting both to read and to write. I am interested to see, over a sustained period of time, what effects social distancing might have on myself and possibly others. Of course I cannot rule out the possibility that I might have to self isolate at some point as the tentacles of this insidious pestilence reach out further and deeper. But since it remains an unprecedented occurrence in my lifetime I feel the need to  chronicle it in some way. I've even set up this separate blog!! It doesn't really fit into the bookish blog

Today started out like most Wednesdays. It's the day my rubbish is collected so I'm up early to put it all out. But I did a double take this morning. As I looked up and down the road I couldn't see the rubbish of my neighbours. For a few moments I feared that perhaps the service had been paused. But looking up the adjacent road I could see the residents had all presented their stuff for collection. It's all been carted away as normal.

Also on a Wednesday I have an organic vegetable delivery. I have done for several years. I believe that, although expensive, it is marginally healthier to eat organically and the lack of chemicals is of benefit to the planet. Also not having a car it is very helpful to have things delivered. But like everything this company have been affected by current events. Some items were no longer available and they had provided substitutes. The delivery drivers had been instructed not to chat with customers but to deliver, ring the doorbell and leave. 

My yoga class is on Wednesdays. Not today. It is held at the local Community Centre. The teacher messaged me to say that she was cancelling until the end of April at least. Today the Community Centre itself has advised it is closing until the end of April, initially. So I did a session at home. On my own.

The postman, Leon, knocked with some book post. We're on first name terms which is nice. He delivers a lot of books to me and we joke that I keep him in a job. It was good to see him. To see someone! But he just handed over the books and went. Yesterday he told me that he has to sign for packages so customers don't have to touch the electronic thingy he has. And back at the sorting office none of them are to handle money.

Then I went out for a walk. I'm lucky. I live on the coast. Five minutes and I'm up on the cliff tops looking at the estuary. There were a few ghostly container ships sailing in the haze and I wondered where they had come from and what they were carrying. I wondered if there were goods from China, or Italy or France. It worried me.

There were several people out walking or sitting on some of the many benches up there. The trees were starting to blossom and the grey and drab of winter was beginning to be replaced by some, verdant greenery. I was walking along the path and there was another person coming towards me. Before we got close this person veered off across the grass clearly wanting to avoid me. I met another person, Leon also , coincidentally. I knew him from his brief attendance at my tai chi class and we've chatted ever since. He walks his dog on the cliffs. Sometimes he irritates me because he is so cheery and he talks non stop. Not today. He looked furtive, worried. He said he felt scared to go out. When the dog came up to sniff me, he pulled her away. He doesn't usually. This thing is so getting to people.

The schools aren't closed. I can see the kids coming home from school as I sit here and write. They are young. Unconcerned it seems to me. A friend emailed to say that about town the cafes and restaurants were well patronised. So not everybody is taking this seriously. A friend told me her son was insisting that it's 'just the flu' and he can't see what's wrong. Part of me envies him that certainty. I fervently wish and hope he's right and we've got it all wrong. But I don't feel I can take the risk. 

I have two library books out on loan at the moment.  One is due back on Saturday and I've nearly finished the other. So I was going to return them. I can't. The libraries are now closed. Any fines incurred during this period will be waived. 

It's unusually quiet outside. You might say it was peaceful if you didn't know the reason. But it just feels eerie. Wonder if I'll get used to it? 

Day One - Social Distancing and Pharmaceuticals

Funny, how a phrase so newly coined, becomes part of the common vernacular in such a relatively short space of time. And here am I practising it at the behest of my government. I am over 65 but not quite in the age bracket that suggests self isolation and high risk consideration. That's one of the first things that has struck me -  a confusion between the two terms. Some are seeing social distance as social isolation. But I get that. I can see the confusion. 

After the announcement yesterday my WhatsApp pinged into megabytes of busyness hitherto unexperienced. It hit me quite forcibly what a change this might make, not just to my life but the lives of my friends and family. Questions bounced back and forth;  Can we go shopping? I've got a funeral to attend tomorrow? What about our classes? My Dad won't stop going out? 

Today should have been my weekly Tai Chi class. But my teacher messaged me last night saying he would be cancelling the classes for 12 weeks. I felt a curious chill when I read that message. He's never cancelled, in all the years I've been going. 

Prior to yesterday's ministerial announcement I had put in my prescription request to my doctor's surgery online a few days earlier. I found myself stressing about whether I could go and collect it! Would the Social Distancing Police stop me and send me home?! I had my story off pat. I needed the medication because if I ran out I would then go on to the high risk list for my condition if I contracted  COVID-19. I needn't have worried. There were far fewer people about than usual. Still plenty of vehicles on the roads but crossing them was a doddle compared to pre social distancing.

The surgery was not as crowded as it might have been on a sunny Tuesday morning. I took my place in the queue which seemed to me to be the absolute antithesis of what we were trying to practice.  Try as I might I couldn't manage the 6 feet between the next person and myself. When I reached the receptionist, who had difficulty finding the 'scrip; she asked me my name a couple of times, she warned me that in future I could no longer pick the prescription up at the surgery. I would have to nominate a pharmacy where it would be relayed electronically and I would pick it up there. She was worried that had already happened even though I hadn't nominated one. Then she realised she had been holding it in her hand the whole time. 

I took it into the adjacent pharmacy which was, weirdly,  more crowded than usual. It's a small store and there was a sense of people wishing to distance themselves but not having the room to do so. Clutching my bag of meds I started on my return journey which takes me past a branch of Waitrose. I thought I'd 'stock up'. Not panic buy I must emphasise. I have not and will not do that. Several of the items I wanted were sold out. No, not toilet rolls or hand sanitiser, those shelves were bare. I found myself buying goods I wouldn't normally consider - a packet of sesame and poppy seed crackers - they look delicious I might add! Assam tea. Seriously? Some Tofu wieners! Why? That sense of 'supposing I can't get anything to eat?' I know, it's irrational.  I was so absorbed with my own maverick purchasing that I didn't really pay attention to others until I reached the check outs. Very crowded. I thought that perhaps people were doing a pre social distancing shop up. Trolleys were filled high but the atmosphere was peculiarly subdued. There was a latent anxiety as if people were worried that if they stayed out too much longer they'd catch 'IT'. Sadly there was no sense of camaraderie or pulling together. Everyone seemed to be in their own little bubbles. One customer said, quite, tersely, to the cashier, I see there are no toilet rolls, as if it was the checkout person's fault. 

Now I'm home. Much as I might be on any given day when I'd gone to the surgery to pick up my 'scrip and popped into the supermarket on the way back. But it feels different. It feels angular, edgy, unnnerving. I can't settle to anything constructive. I've had a long textual exchange with my sister where she expressed the same feeling. And this is just the start! 

I've no plans now to go anywhere. Although I haven't heard I'm presuming my other classes are cancelled. Two friends have respectively said they will see me 'on the other side' and 'at the end of the tunnel'. 

These are unprecedented times. History has had many of them. But I haven't! So I'm going to try and maintain and update this 'diary', for want of a better word, which will be a challenge as social distancing doesn't really suggest a dynamic of anticipation. But we'll see..........