Day Ten - Chocolate and Chumbawumba

I had the best walk ever this morning! In spite of another crap night. I dozed but kept waking up feeling intensely anxious. At 3.am. this morning I decided there was no way I was going to get up early and play Social Distance Wars with the jiggety joggers. Yet at 5:30 this morning I decided I was never going to fall asleep again so I decided I would go do battle. I wore my sports kit which up until now I hadn't bothered with, it makes it clear I was exercising and somehow I felt it was adding to my structure in this lockdown time. So at precisely 6:20 iPod on, I set off. Such a pleasant change. Cooperative, wordless, social distancing which inspired me to wave and smile at each person who did so. Only once did I have to significantly alter course and even that was a reciprocation to the dog walking guy who did the same for me on my outward journey! Two dog walkers had their dogs off their leads which gave me an anxious moment because one dog was coming straight for me. I don't know what it is about me since I am primarily a cat person but some dogs make beelines for me. In the normal way I welcome it and I've had some lovely exchanges with people and their dogs but social distance is social distance and it applies to dogs too. They may carry the virus in their fur from someone who has stroked them or handled them? Because there were so few people I sang along to the tunes on my iPod! Not loudly of course as it was early. Not to mention the trauma of my singing voice. But though I say it myself I did a nice little rendition of Chumbawumba's Tubthumping! ;)

I think I know why I was feeling off balance yesterday. I've been finding it harder to read than usual. My concentration has been elusive, I've read paragraphs and realised I haven't taken in a single word. It's really not like me and I find it most unnerving. Reading and writing have always been my salvation. I disappear into a book and I disappear from the world. But not yesterday.

(For this of you who may not know my main blog is a bookish blog - Bookphace - where I review the books I read. There are some author interviews, some of my writings there and articles I've written too but it's predominantly book reviews. Here's the link if you're interested. https://bookphace.blogspot.com )

And the fact that I've offered the above leads me to the interesting realisation that whereas initially this blog was just for me, to examine what this situation was doing to me, my family and my friends, a chronicling of events. It seems a kind of organic awareness of potential readership has developed. I've had some lovely comments from people who have read the entries. Thank you all.

I forgot to blog this on the day it happened but I was reminded of it by people tweeting about things that are making them smile during these challenging days. On Tuesday a friend texted me to say that her walk that day would take her past my house. I replied that I was disproportionately excited by that. That's true. I haven't  seen any of my friends since this whole thing started. She said she would stand by the gate and I could stand by the door. It must be a good 15 feet from door to gate. I found myself watching out of the lounge window almost fluttering with anticipation! I was so pleased to see her. We chatted for a few minutes. We didn't want to shout but the distance meant that I couldn't hear very well so I had to keep saying 'Pardon?', 'What?'. This amused me.When she left she put a bar of chocolate on the brick pillar that the gate is attached to. I was so delighted. By the event itself and the chocolate. Simplicity. Sometimes that's all we need. Another example maybe of how this 'thing' will force us to re-evaluate life.

Still no T-shirt. I'm more disappointed than I should be because it isn't important. But the Sainsbury delivery went ahead. In fact I had a good chat with the delivery man who kept a reasonable social distance. Apparently all the drivers are temperature checked before they're allowed out. He was proud that his was one of the lowest!? He was pleased that people are being nice to him. That made me sad because it implied that usually they aren't. He told me about that of the cashiers in the store branch was so upset by the panic buying that she had to go home. She was in tears. He felt, like I do, that if anything positive can come of this it may be that society does a major reboot.

I keep thinking about my friend at work today in the hospital. I hope she's keeping safe. It's ironic isn't it that the one place where you think you should be safe when it comes to health stuff is probably one of the most dangerous places currently.

I haven't looked at the news or social media today. I mean what can happen? A cure? An escalation? An intensifying of lockdown? I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. Right now I'm just glad I feel a bit brighter than yesterday.

S'funny though, without going into details, my life over the past few years has kept me in a kind of lockdown and I've often felt that it was some indefinable force keeping me in one place and demanding I stay put and consider that all that I have and all I need is right here. We're always thinking the grass is greener aren't we? But it isn't. It's just different shades of green. We don't need the biggest, the latest, the fastest, the furthest. We just need to stay well and look after each other.
Which reminds me. At 8pm this evening people have to go outside, on their balconies, front doors etc to Clap for Carers. (Yup, I had to read it twice too! They don't need that on top of coronavirus ;)) I'm really keen to see how many people in my street do it. I'm going to obviously.