Day One Hundred and Five - Sunshine, Showers and Sisters

I suppose the whole day was given over to the anticipation of my sister's visit. After another very bad night I debated the wisdom of going for my walk but of course I did and I came back to enjoy what I thought might be a leisurely breakfast and read. At 7:30 I got a text message from my sister saying she was about to set off! I hadn’t expected her to leave quite as early as that. She then sent me an additional text to say that depending upon traffic and numbers of people she might stop and have a wander by the sea.So I went into hyper mode making sure that everything was all sanitised and in place for us to enjoy some time together in the garden, socially distanced of course. Just after nine I received another text from her saying she had parked on the Esplanade. she paid for an hours parking but she didn’t think she’d be that long as she just wanted to see the sea. She was that long! So it was nearer 10.30 by the time she actually arrived.

It was curious because I haven’t seen her since February when I went up to spend the day in London with her. And I hadn’t realised that we’ve both been viewing the visit with some level of not anxiety exactly but wondering what form the day would take. There was plenty to talk about surprisingly, considering we had with been in lockdown for months! We both had things we saved up for each other so that it was almost like Christmas! She brought her portfolio of artwork for me to look at. We discussed stuff in the garden. We had our lunch, she brush hers with her.  We sat int he sun and applied our sunscreen then we dodged the rain showers. We discussed coronavirus endlessly. And then all too soon the visit was over.

She said that she’d made a note to herself that she wanted to leave by about 3 pm to avoid any traffic exodus from the seaside. She doesn’t normally do that even if she just comes for the day she stays into the evening. So that felt very weird her leaving at three. In fact the whole day has left me curiously unsettled and dissatisfied. As if there was much more to say than we actually said. We are both probably over anxious about lockdown and all the protocol ss associated with it. I think we are both disproportionately frightened of this bogeyman virus. And I think we both know that we need to address these issues somehow if we are to progress into a life that will always probably have coronavirus in it.

We had hoped to call my brother up and have a three way conversation via the speakerphone. But phone calls in the garden aren't really my thing so we decided against it. I phoned him straight away after she left to try and fill the space that had opened up with her leaving. In life B.C. (before coronavirus) she would come down on a Friday or a Saturday and stay for the weekend but I always felt the same sense of loss and emptiness when she left. The same goes for my brother. Always that sense of when will I see them again? Life is so short. Time is so short now that every moment is precious. This pandemic has simply intensified the feeling. There's a profound sense of loss inside me at the moment. Tomorrow a new week will start and I'll go back to "normal". But I'll long for my life B.C.