Day One Hundred and Eleven - Plans, Selfishness and Weekends Away

I think my neighbours have actually gone away for the weekend. At first I thought they had driven up to London to avoid using public transport. They both work in London. I thought that was very sensible of them. But the car is not returned today. So I think they’re away somewhere. Does this make me sound like a really nosey person? One of the twitching curtain brigade? Or does it mean I’m just extremely observant. I think it’s the writer in me. I presume they are “bubbling“ with somebody because under some of the guidelines somewhere you can spend the night away with your bubble household. To be honest I can’t keep up with all these rules and all this jargon.

Very grey, very blustery today. Doesn’t seem like a July day. It’s only the outdoor temperature that separates this from an autumn or winter day. But, stalwart that I am, I went for my walk. Did the full walk. But once again I appear to be doing very little else. I had a pleasant little exchange with my writer friend on WhatsApp today. She asked me how I’m doing. And I told her that I flounder between pockets of momentum and bouts of lassitude and apathy. She reckons that’s pretty normal and it’s what most people are experiencing during this lockdown. I said it’s been a long time since anyone called me normal! But I seem to be trapped in one of the bouts of lassitude and apathy at the moment. I don’t like it.

My friend's son isn't speaking to her at the moment. He is extremely annoyed that she's not going to his daughter's first birthday party tomorrow. He argues that she should've thought about that before she agreed to her daughter coming over from Portugal and them all going into quarantine. I'm shocked. I really am. I just think he's unbelievably selfish. His mother's got cancer. It was only this week that we learnt it hasn't spread. It's like he's expecting his mother to arrange her cancer around him and his daughter. After all she's done for him over the years. It defies belief. She is extremely upset and stress brought on a migraine yesterday. He won't take her calls. And he sent her a particularly spiky text message. I can't get involved. It wouldn't be right. But I have to say I was on the brink of sending him a message myself and telling him what a selfish little shit he is. Anyway that won't help matters at all. And my friend and her daughter are going to come down on Wednesday to sit in my garden. I'm going to give them some more vegetarian meals. And apparently they have a birthday present for me which arrived the other day. So that's exciting.

I think I've formulated a plan for how I progress. Today sees the opening of pubs and hairdressers and restaurants. I'm going to give it a month and see how it all pans out. If there is an increase in infection and things still seem to be deteriorating I will stay locked down. If, however, the situation improves. If there are less cases and less deaths I may start very slowly to assimilate back into the outside world again. I'll do it first by walking into town. I don't want to go into any shops, just want to have a look and see what's happening. I want to see how people are behaving. I've decided I am going to do this my own way. I'm not going to be pressured by anyone even if I fall out with anyone over it. I've got to feel okay about it all. That's my plan anyway.