Day One Hundred and Twenty Three - Frustration, Agitation and Aberration

I didn't go for my walk today. I was experiencing a lot of discomfort in both my hands and my legs. Plus when I finally woke this morning I didn't feel good. Sadly, that's not uncommon. Several years ago I was diagnosed with a condition called fibromyalgia. I've continued to seesaw between believing I have the condition and refusing to believe I have the condition! It was only a GP diagnosis. I was never referred to a specialist. It's not a condition that has any finite diagnosis but the usual practice is to refer a suspected case to a rheumatologist. I found that out from talking to other people who have been diagnosed with the condition. That never happened for me. Maybe I should've pursued it? I didn't. But a lot of the symptoms I experience crop up on the list of symptoms that are associated with fibromyalgia. Today is one of those days when I feel like I have it! It's an aberration. In the early days of lockdown I feared that I was going down with coronavirus. Even though I recognised the symptoms. There was always that fear. I suppose there still is to a degree but it's not as intense.

However I did go out. I planned to return my library books.  I thought I would try and have something of a walk today because I know it does me good. Silly me. It was a most frustrating experience. According to the website the library opens at nine so I left 20 minutes before that so that I could walk up to the roundelay, look at the sea,  walk round the Library Gardens and the churchyard and be there for opening time. I even planned a little deviation from that route because I went down the flight of steps to the road leading to the station and walked up the hill.  The only steps I've negotiated have been those in my own home and I was keen to see how my body would take to an alternative flight. Not the best time to have done it maybe but there you go. I then continued on into town. And that's like an obstacle course because you're trying to avoid people who have no intention of keeping a social distance, aren't wearing facemasks. I was the only person wearing a face mask! So it gets me very agitated. And it's further confirmation that I am alone in my paranoia and fear of this pestilence. Anyway I refused to be thwarted from my intent which was to walk through the library Gardens and the churchyard which I did. By which time it was 9 o'clock and I confidently marched up to the library. Nothing. No lights on. So I thought I'd do another turn around the Library Gardens. Bit more walking won't do me any harm. Returned to the library, still nothing. This time I phoned them. There was no answer. So I could only conclude that their opening hours are different from those on the website. I'll have to give them another ring and plan another trip. It hasn't put me in a good mood. Because I'm still hurting too even though I took some painkillers with breakfast. And I feel very fuzzy headed. So it will be a quiet day.

I have phoned the library. They are open from 10 till 2. But the lady did say I could put my books through the letterbox if I wanted. So that gives me another option. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. I've done nothing today. Nothing of any consequence that is. Was on the phone for ages to my friend and she was telling me all about yesterday. She is in fact more worried about contracting coronavirus than having a kidney removed! They're going to have to quarantine for a total of three weeks! Two weeks prior to the surgery and one week afterwards. She has to go up three days before the surgery for a Covid test. When she asked if she could have it done locally the consultant said he wanted it done in that hospital so that no test results go missing. I can understand that because part of the delay was because our local hospital failed to send up the full body scan to the London free hospital.

What was interesting was how all of them were reacting to having what to all intents and purposes was "a day out". My friend said she found herself very lacking in confidence for moving round the hospital. Her partner was allowed to go in with her to see the consultant. She hadn't thought that was going to be possible. But then he went back to the car park while she had her pre-assessment checks. And although she knew the way from where she was having the assessment to the car park she found herself doubting her knowledge of the route. She and her daughter both say they were absolutely exhausted by the end of the day. I am fascinated to see what the long-term results of this lockdown and this whole situation of anxiety? fear? paranoia? will actually do to us.

There was a curious story in the news today about 61 sailors on board a trawler who all tested negative for coronavirus before they left. They spent 35 days at sea and were found to have contracted coronavirus upon returning to land! It's proving to be something of a mystery to understand how they got infected and how the disease reach an isolated ship. The current thinking is that it was human contact or contact with merchandise, products or supplies but as far as they know  for 35 days no one or anything was put on the ship. It does throw the whole testing thing into some kind of doubt. Because maybe just one of the sailors had the virus, it didn't show up on the test i.e. tested negative but obviously in a confined space like that it must've spread like wildfire. It is yet more evidence that this virus is one of the weirdest things. Or someone is a fibber. And they did meet up with people or something came on the ship during the voyage. We'll never know that I suppose unless someone whistle blows.

The original guidance that suggested people should avoid public transport if they're going to work sees a u-turn. There are concerns that the viability of public transport is being put at risk because people are too scared to use it. Certainly in London that seems to be the case. I don't want to go on a bus or a train. Not at the moment anyway.